I have been off the internet for almost the entire two weeks of the holiday season & I can tell you that I now feel a whole lot better about life after the downtime.
Sure, several hundred thousand Asians have perished in an earthquake/tsunami double play that is a great tragedy, but I am having a hard time figuring a way to blame it on Bush, so I have moved beyond it already, except for a secret, shameful desire to see a similar seismic double play take out coastal California, and the sooner the better.
Now before you get all outraged, stop and think for a moment. What would California really lose?
Camp Pendleton for starters.
San Diego Naval Station, La Jolla, Laguna, San Pedro. Well, I would regret losing Peedro...
Santa Monica, Malibu (love to see those bobbing Hwood heads rolling around in the Tsunami backwash), Santa Barbara. Big Sur would remain largely intact because of the Coastal Range, but say goodbye to Carmel, Pebble, Monterey (Steinbeck's jolly Mexican bon vivants have long since left cannery row, replaced by more vile yuppie trash and a mall).
That House on the coast of Half Moon Bay where I dropped psychedelics, studied Huxley's complete works, Henry the IV, the Outline of History, every single edition of Playboy and Penthouse out at the time, got laid for the only time while in college and (most important) first learned about Buddhism from some Chicano creative writing majors from Salinas... of course That House would also be devastated, but hey! at least I have my memories...
San Francisco! Good riddance! A veritable ant pile of vile yuppie trash washed away by the Lord's garden hose.
Marin County has a lot of high ground. Hopefully the tremors will be centered close enough to shake all those hillside mansions off their pedestals. Watch as they cascade into the new expanse of the Pacific Ocean where Sausalito used to be...
Hopefully, Kos and Kid Oakland will be able to afford houses in the hills before the disaster strikes, so they and DKOS will be saved! Just don't build on stilts, boys...
Thankfully, most of the wine country will be saved along with enough of the marijuana growing fields to keep the remaining Californians and the rest of this great nation as drunk and high as ever.
The only "loss" of key California exports will be the "entertainment" industry, and of course all that fake Disneyland-style tourism in SF.
Personally, I will raise a glass in toast and roll a concert bomber to praise God for saving the wine and the pot but destroying the Sodom and Gomorrah of Hwood and SF in a flood of biblical proportions unseen since the death of Cecil B. DeMille.
Can you imagine? No more inundation of embarrassing Hwood "product", at least for a few years until the survivors set up shop in San Bernardino. (Memo to God: The San Andreas Fault runs right thru San Berdoo...)
Of course, after, we will be treated to endlessly self reverential and technologically eye popping flicks by "auteurs" like Spielberg and Tom Hanks telling us how they heroically managed to escape the Flood and persevere in the grandest show business tradition.
Oh well, and cockroaches will never be completely eradicated either...