GBCW: Good Bye Cruel W
Tue Apr 04, 2006 at 04:47:13 PM PDT
George Bush is a mean man. I wouldn't want him for my daddy. I wouldn't want a father who'd tell me I was better than others, I was entitled to more than others, I was expected to lie to and steal from others, I was justified in keeping secrets from others, I was allowed to shit all over the toys of others. That's his administration's message, that's the dad you'd get. But his role as a preemptive "Father Knows Best" is about to end. Bud is pissed, he's talkin' to Fitzpatrick, and it's not about his pimples.
George Bush is a dip-wad. I wouldn't want him for my brother. Imagine being part of that clique of silver-spooned siblings. You just know he cheated at Risk, and felt justified in doing it. George and his brothers aren't smart enough to win the game (of business or politics) fare and square, but he's deceitful enough to take advantage of his position and last name. In other words, good enough to be President of the United States. But the nation is weary of "My Three Sons." Queue Jack Lord's hair, surf music swells. Book'em Dan-o!
George Bush is a snot. I wouldn't want him for my son. If I squint my eyes just so when he's on television, I can see the twelve-year-old playground bully that he is. Heh-heh. Now take that smug, privileged kid and years later, when he's forty or so, add a shit load of maniacal, prejudice-fueled religious zealotry that tells him it's okay to hate others in the name of Jesus, it's okay to waste the planet in the name of profit margins. What a pleasant soul. But Benjamin Braddock and Elaine Robinson have left him at the church. And Jesus is on the bus too.
George Bush is a whiner. I wouldn't want him for a business partner. I know this guy. He'd cry when you wouldn't throw him the baseball, then go tell his dad, who was usually the Boy Scout troop leader. Eventually George would buy his own baseball team - screwing the voters of Texas in the process and purchasing his share of the team with ill-gotten stock gains. But his role as the Gordon Gecko of Wall Street or the George Babbitt of Main Street is in its last act. He's all the vulgar proof we need that greed is not good. SEC, do your job!
George Bush is cruel. I wouldn't want him for my friend. I'd never invite him to dinner. He's the kid who'd pull wings off flies, who wouldn't share his marbles, who'd snitch on his buddies. He surrounds himself with thugs who encourage him, who tell him it's okay to put himself above the law, who protect him from the consequences of his actions. He cannot feel another's suffering, because he's seldom lost anything he truly earned, like a modest home in the Lower Ninth Ward. When he fucks up, as he often does, friends (or friends of friends) clean up the mess and give him another toy to wreck. He's used to having everything handed to him, like oil companies and college degrees and military favors and elections. But thankfully "Friends" is off the air, and you are about to be too, George.
George Bush is a goof ball. I wouldn't want him for my president. He's our nation's Fredo. He's the Alfred E. Neuman bobble-head puppet president, with Dick Cheney's Svengali hand firmly up his Howdy Doody arse. He's the "Far Side" cartoon even Gary Larsen's mind could never invent, a Rogers & Astaire choreography suffocated in ether, Tracey & Hepburns's worst nightmare in Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, a six-year run of Waiting for Godot, "The Twilight Zone" and "Have Gun Will Travel" rolled into one - with a dash of "Kukla, Fran & Ollie." [Fill in your own show here.]
He's the first plasma president, but it doesn't matter at what angle you view him: his time on our "American Idol" political stage is up. This episode can't end too soon. Sure, his politics suck but a five-year-old will tell you he's a Blue Meanie and he can't dance. Where's the remote?
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