Staying Clean and Sober (and Gambling Free) At Yearly Kos

Hi everybody. My name is Andy and I am an alcoholic... and I'm a little bit scared by this trip to Las Vegas for Yearly Kos.

I've been sober for a couple of years but I know how my mind works. I'll be alone at this convention with all these people who I regard really highly and admire. That's intimidating to me. I'm going to want to be self-confident so that I can impress these people.

The only way I have ever found to feel instant self-confidence is to drink.

But I don't think I'll have to do that this time. I have an idea that I am hoping my fellow recovering alcoholics, addicts, gamblers, codependents and others can help me pull off. More below flip.

A couple of years ago I attended a Pagan festival and had a lot of the same worries and feelings. But a wonderful woman there did something I had not experienced before - she hosted a 12 step meeting that was open to everyone in any kind of recovery so that we could get to know each other and know who we could talk to if we needed a little help or encouragement. We had drunks, addicts, al-anons and codependents attend that meeting and it was wonderful.

I was thinking we could do something similar.

Gina has agreed to schedule a 12 Step Caucus for those of us in recovery to have a meeting. It is taking place from 7-8am Friday morning June  9th in the Capri room 112 and 113 (they must think a bunch of us are in recovery for some reason). There will be coffee. I'll ask folks to throw in a couple of bucks each to contribute to coffee - we'll be self supporting just like any other 12 Step meeting.

This meeting is open to members of any 12 Step Program or other Recovery program. It would be wonderful to have people with gambling issues, eating disorders, alcoholics, addicts, you know, all the fun people - attend. The idea is to create a safe place where we can meet, get to know each other and then, if that roulette table or whiskey on the rocks is calling your name later, you'll know who you can go to for a helping hand.

I'll be chairing this meeting and my plan was to use the format I was most familiar with - that of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings here in Texas.  Below is an outline of how I envisioned the meeting. If you have suggestions for something different, let me know and I will consider it. We want to be as inclusive as possible.

Meeting Opening
My name is ____ and I am a ____.  I'd like to start by having a moment of silence followed by the serenity prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Paraphrased A.A. Preamble
Hello and welcome to the first annual YearlyKos 12 Step Caucus!

The YearlyKos 12 Step Caucus  is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problems and help others to maintain their recovery.

The only requirement for membership is a desire to remain in recovery. There are no dues or fees. This 12 Step Caucus is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay in recovery and help others to do so as well.

Introduction
Let's go around the room an introduce ourselves by stating our first name and if you wish, what you are in recovery for or what concern brings you here.

Go round the room

Topic
Put any topic suggestions in comments!

Please feel free to speak on this topic or anything that is important to you right now.

Sharing

Close
Pass the hat or basket or whatever to take up a collection for the coffee and donuts
In Texas we close with the Lord's Prayer. I'd prefer we end with the Serenity prayer.

Couple of quick things to wrap up this diary: no, I am not suggesting that this take the place of other recovery meetings, nor am I suggesting this type of thing for long term recovery. The idea is just a one time thing to help those who (like me) know they will be tempted while at the convention. Short term solution for a short term problem.

Regarding the serenity prayer - I don't want atheists and agnostics to feel left out, yet I feel it is important to invite a Higher Power into the meeting. So unless everyone hates it, the Serenity Prayer stays.

And finally, anyone is welcome. If a conservative wingnut shows up, s/he's welcome in this meeting. This is not about partisanship - it is about recovery. If a reporter shows up, so long as they are showing up as someone in recovery, not as a reporter, they are welcome. Once the meeting is over we can get back to politics, but for this one hour in this one location, it is all about recovery.

So remember, Friday, June 9th at 7am in the Capri Room. Hope I see you there!

•  Here's hoping to see you there

  whether in the meeting or just wandering the convention!

  by AndyT on Mon May 22, 2006 at 05:02:20 AM PDT

  •  fyi

    there is a large amount of meetings in Vegas if you feel the need. For the faint of heart and mild tempered, stay away from the " Hole in the Sky " meetings, they get have a rep. of being out of control, and even violent in the past. Remember help is only a phonecall away.  Cocktail-waitpeople are only human and have been known to hand off the wrong drink, so sniff before you gulp down that free drink. Most Check-in desks have the info or phone numbers to the meetings of your choice, and meetings are held in many hotels. Those " free drinks " at the casinos are never really free, so don't buy the myth, " what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas ". There were a couple Alano Clubs in Vegas when I moved away last yr, with up to 5 or 6 meetings a day.

    by OneCrankyDom on Mon May 22, 2006 at 05:19:26 AM PDT

  •  It might prove more popular

    if you drop the "God" out of the discourse. A lot of people who might otherwise learn something about their own addictions and how better to deal with them turn right around and walk out the door when "God" gets thrown into the mix. It totally keeps me away from 12-step meetings that might otherwise do me some good.

    by felagund on Mon May 22, 2006 at 06:44:32 AM PDT

    •  I am sorry you feel that way.

      This has always been a difficult issue for me because I entered recovery as an atheist. In some ways I am bowing to tradition here; in other ways I am simply trying to acknowledge that in the 12 Step universe, a Higher Power (whether God, or the group of people around you) is needed to overcome the addiction/behavior.

      All people will be welcome including you should you choose to come. Please don't let a three letter word keep you away.

      by AndyT on Mon May 22, 2006 at 07:16:43 AM PDT

    •  Higher Power

      is the accepted norm in AA, Alanon and any other 12 step group I've heard of lately.

      Hubby has a problem with folks constantly referring to God in some of his meetings, so he interally translates it to "Group Of Drunks".  Whatever works - right?

      by Alegre on Mon May 22, 2006 at 07:45:23 AM PDT

    •  Terrific idea, Andy!

      Hi, Andy. My name's Keith; I'm an alcoholic and also addicted to "here - try this!"

      I've been sober for 14 years thanks to AA and a Higher Power (I also have been tobacco-free for 7 years, but I simply white-knuckled that one).

      Yes, there ARE a large number of people in recovery with a dKos UID. There have been many diaries on the subject (not many recently), and I've been surprised by the openness they have shown here. My guess is that you'll have a roomful, and paying for coffee should be a piece of cake!  ;)

      I don't think I'll be at YK (waiting to see if I can get a cheap last-minute ticket), but I'll be at your meeting if I do make it. The format is appropriate, IMO (I'd consider reading the steps, myself, but it sounds like you have a good and well-thought-out plan - go with your heart), and, even though the Big Book says that we should refrain from meetings where we "all have something in common" (YK in this case), we know there are successful meetings nationwide for women only, gays only, professionals (airline pilots, judges, doctors, etc) for whom permanent anonymity is, in their minds, required, etc. I would definitely lean toward having the meeting on-site as opposed to 20 or 30 people invading a local meeting. That might get weird - and having it on-site makes it so much easier to attend.

      As to the "God thing", we both know that spirituality is the core of 12-step programs. I remember a meeting once where the chairperson, on a lark (and, IMO, knowing how it would turn out), suggested we have a meeting where NOTHING spiritual could be discussed. Every single person who spoke was cut off by this person by the 3rd sentence - the chair pulled something from those first sentences, and showed (very legitimately) how what the person was saying was linked to spirituality. Basically, NO ONE got to really say anything relevant to the program the entire meeting - which I believe was the chairperson's point. By my tally, I've attended roughly 3000-4000 meetings in my time, and that meeting still stands out clearly in my mind!

      Of course, "God" isn't the issue - a "Higher Power" is. You've likely heard the old AA adage that you can use the meeting room doorknob as your Higher Power - you don't have the power to open the door without it; with it, opening the door is a breeze. Denying the existence of some Higher Power, whatever one chooses to call it, and however they choose to define it, means the person hasn't accepted the 2nd step yet. I took the 1st step falling off barstools. Maybe someone who hasn't accepted the 2nd step yet isn't really ready for a meeting of the sort you intend to hold.

      The vast majority of meetings I've been to (mainly in Tennessee, Missouri, California, and Canada) close with the Lord's Prayer, and that has ALWAYS, from my 1st meeting, been a problem. I quickly stopped saying it and simply remain silent (in the circle, holding hands, but silent). I also prefer the Serenity Prayer as a closing (some meetings in Canada do this).

      And remember: the Big Book says we can go to bars, casinos, etc, as long as we have a good reason. YK is, to me, a damned good reason. Maybe not to spend hours walking the casino floors, but being in the presence of others who are drinking and/or gambling (LOL - talk about hand-in-hand+++) is fine as long as we are there for the proper reason. This meeting will allow all who may need a shoulder to identify the others who HAVE shoulders (helping hands).  ;)

      This is a terrific idea, and a courageous move on your part. Bless you, and I hope to see you there!

      +++ Nevada was the last state in the Union for which possession of small amounts of pot was a felony. For a very "good" reason (in the minds of the casino operators): people who are drinking WANT to hit the casinos - the potheads would just as soon sit in their hotel room smoking up. So, to the Nevada legislature, is was basically a simple economic reason. A FELONY - so the casino floors stay fuller. Talk about screwed up...

      cdn

      by grndrush on Mon May 22, 2006 at 11:02:11 AM PDT

•  Good Luck to You

  From another recovering alcoholic (17 years).

  by AaronBa on Mon May 22, 2006 at 05:08:30 AM PDT

•  AndyT, I'm looking forward to meeting you

  I regard you highly and admire you.

  by LondonYank on Mon May 22, 2006 at 05:09:23 AM PDT

•  there;s meetings like this

  on every cruise ship .... good idea and all those who don't the meeting, boy are they gonna feel left out of something good :)

  by bobnbob on Mon May 22, 2006 at 05:12:49 AM PDT

•  You could make the prayer

  ...more ecumenical by using the invocation Pastor Dan used last night in his "Brothers and Sisters" diary... "Beloved One, known to our creation by a thousand different names... grant me the serenity, etc."  Just a thought.

  by Karen Wehrstein on Mon May 22, 2006 at 05:15:27 AM PDT

  •  I like that idea very much

    I've been known to bring meetings in Texas to a dead stop when I address my Deity of choice:

    Goddess, grant me the serenity...

    There's usually an awkward pause after that.

    by AndyT on Mon May 22, 2006 at 05:59:38 AM PDT

    •  LOL! n/t

      by Karen Wehrstein on Mon May 22, 2006 at 07:52:26 AM PDT

•  I'd not solicit editorial advice on prayer, here

  You do what you need to do to stay sober and safe.

  And for people who don't need prayer, awesome. Then that works for you.

  by cskendrick on Mon May 22, 2006 at 05:24:53 AM PDT

•  good luck

  I can't make it to YearlyKos but I just wanted to say that I've seen this format work well at other times. Like you I'm from the AA tradition.  But I do have experiences with successful mixed meetings.  

  When I was at Smith for grad school we had meetings scheduled 4 times a week. Different people showed up at each meeting.  Always the core was AA members, but we had AlAnon, NA, SLAA and OA people as well.  We found that recovery issues were universal no matter the addiction/issue.  The other great thing was that if we were having a bad day and couldn't get to a meeting we knew who to bump into during the day for comfort.  You're very wise to schedule the meeting first thing Friday morning so you'll know each other throughout the weekend.

  As for topics, I think you have a number of options. I think maintaining serenity during political discussions (particularly withwingnut relatives) is a possiblity.  For me, issues of powerlessness are always at the fore.  How do I do what needs to be done and let go of the outcome?  How do I remember that no matter how hard I work I'm not running the show (like the 3rd step discussion in the Big Book on pgs 60-63)?  Of course there's always the perennial favorite of how do I fit in with this group of strangers and not feel like the misfit alcoholic/addict?

  Best wishes to all of you. You'll be in my prayers that weekend.

  by sobermom on Mon May 22, 2006 at 05:31:55 AM PDT

  •  Thank you.

    I figure the appropriate topic will arise... the one people most need to hear. Funny how that works.

    by AndyT on Mon May 22, 2006 at 06:00:37 AM PDT

•  Recovering

  and don't blame you for worrying about being alone in Vegas where "no one will know"...

  Grab a meeting or two before you go, talk about it - let your home group know what you're doing.

  Keep your cell phone with you, email me if you want my phone number, I'll talk to a fellow drunk anytime, day or night.

  It's a great idea to hook up with someone else or two in recovery, you can eat together and stay out of those strip joints together. It will be very much the same as not drinking on vacation - right?

  There's lots to do in Vegas - if you want to blow a couple hundred bucks in drinking money I recommend instead eating at Smith & Wollensky. (On the strip near the Harley store) Go ahead and order that $35 appetizer, it's worth every penny. When you get the bill, your desire to spend money on drinking will have disappeared, because it WILL be about $100 each, no booze. Have the breakfast buffet at the Flamingo - and the lunch buffet at Excalibur. You'll spend so much on food you won't have anything left for drinking.

  Take your phone numbers with you, and pick up the phone before you pick up anything else besides a fork. It's easier to lose 5lbs. than it is to lose 2 years of sobriety.

  It works if you work it Andy.
  Tim

  by Patriot4peace on Mon May 22, 2006 at 05:38:32 AM PDT

•  For people traveling alone....

  We are going to meet 'round this big orange sign at the larger receptions and such, and anyplace else that seems appropriate for me to hold this thing up.

  Please see the YearlyKos: Flying Solo II diary for a photo and some preliminary thoughts on our opportunities to meet each other.  

  Maybe this is a place where people could find others with similar goals for this meeting, too.  

  Then again, maybe not for people who don't want to attend that reception.  No pressure, just awareness.

  by mem from somerville on Mon May 22, 2006 at 05:54:40 AM PDT

•  won't be at YK

  But I'll be thinking about you.
  Link up with your SP brothers and sisters.
  Blessed Be.

  by empathy on Mon May 22, 2006 at 05:56:41 AM PDT

•  You're not alone

  You have a lot of folks who admire you, too. We care and we'll help if you need us.

  I am I and you are you, and we are both each other too -- Clair Huffaker

  by xysrl on Mon May 22, 2006 at 05:58:55 AM PDT

•  also happy to help on the exhibits floor

  It'll be relatively small and quiet, in case you're just looking for someone to talk to, I'll be there. No drinking, smoking, or coffee at my table, just discussions about what community means to you. Thanks for organizing the meetings there!

  R

  P.S. a friend of mine is named "Bill W." so when I saw, at a conference connected to his field of endeavor, a sign for a  "Friends of Bill W.," meeting on the schedule, I said "wow - that's awfully sweet!" Another friend set me straight.

  by raines on Mon May 22, 2006 at 06:06:22 AM PDT

•  Keep It Simple...First Things First

  Looks like ya got da plan goin down. Y'all be there for each other. Remember how dumb and friggin sloppy stupid you were when you were using. Remember how un-intelligent you must've looked...remember spending every dime ya had on WHAT???

  Remember how sick you were those nights and how pulsating it was in the morning.

  Remember that Kossacks will leave there thinking your a nice person or a damn drunk.

  Good diary....do the next right thing...all of you.

  Remember the serenity prayer and use it!!!!!

  by JellyPuddin on Mon May 22, 2006 at 06:07:20 AM PDT

•  I can't attend YK

  But I think this is a fabulous idea.  I know there are a lot of people in recovery here and I'm glad to know that there will be support there.

  by mlk on Mon May 22, 2006 at 06:12:34 AM PDT

•  Hold the meeting....

  and they will come...

  Getting people in recovery to commit to a headcount? That's funny!!!

  Have a GREAT time in Vegas, AndyT.  Have you simply looked for the meetings in the area?  I am sure Vegas is filled to the brim with 12 step meetings. And when you think about it.....wouldn't it be fruitful to go to a meeting with folks who live and deal with 'everything Vegas' every single day?  Seems they would have a good handle on how to deal with the lights and action.

  by letsfight on Mon May 22, 2006 at 06:27:23 AM PDT

•  As a former casino dealer......

  I can tell you that NOTHING good ever comes from sitting at such tables. I used to play recreationally on occasion, but once I went INSIDE, I became a hardened "anti gambling" personality.

  In six years in that business, the total number of people I met who knew what they were doing at the tables could be counted on one hand.

  I have a few statements/methods I use when encouraging people not to gamble:

  1. "Gambling is a stupidity tax for those who do not understand math. If you understand math, good - you will not play."  

  and....

  2. I was ALWAYS asked by people when they would find out I was a casino dealer "Oh yeah? Do you have any advice for me?" To which I always replied "Yes. DO NOT PLAY." This one always got odd looks - to which I would reinforce that I was dead serious. "Trust me. I work in that business. DON'T."

  And then this joking quip: Q: "You know what they call people who know how to play craps? A: LOSERS. Because if you play, you will lose."

  For the Vegas "first timers": When you fly into that city, something takes hold of you. First, it's like time becomes meaningless. I cannot tell you how many times I stayed up until 5AM (and i came from central time) my first nights in that town. The only certainty in that regard was "every time". Remember, you have workshops and speeches to do and see. People who fly into Vegas become suddenly immune to jet lag. It's in the water, it's in the air, it's just in that town.

  So please, resist the urge to gamble. Give that money to a candidate you support, send it to aid Katrina victims......ANYTHING but gambling it away.

  DRINKING: Three Reasons not to:

  1. You'll stay up too late and miss those speeches and workshops where you folks learn how to kick some GOP ass.

  2. It is HOT and DRY during June in Vegas. Since alcohol dehydrates you, the ill effects next day are MUCH WORSE than they would be normally. I tell people who go to Vegas to always have water on hand and available, because just BEING in that town will suck the fluids right out of you. Even I, as an occasional and recreational drinker, do everything to avoid that in Vegas heat.

  3. Those drinks aren't "free" anyway......especially on the strip. More like $5 each......unless you are gambling a fair amount of dough. It seems like every time I go out there, the "deals" get fewer and farther between. Vegas used to be the king of cheap party (subsidized by gamblers) - but not so much anymore. It's more like a tourist trap, where you get soaked at every turn.

  So all the best to those attending Yearly Kos. Hopefully this will be a bit of a primer for the "first timers" to Vegas, whether or not they have addiction issues. Do the speeches and workshops, enjoy the sights, even ride a roller coaster or two if you need a thrill - but please don't let an empty wallet or head ruin your trip. It's all too easy for that to happen in Vegas.

  by Audible Nectar on Mon May 22, 2006 at 06:31:39 AM PDT

  •  Thank you for the head's up.

    It's always good to hear the facts from someone who knows.

    by AndyT on Mon May 22, 2006 at 07:12:31 AM PDT

  •  Oxygen

    For the Vegas "first timers": When you fly into that city, something takes hold of you. First, it's like time becomes meaningless. I cannot tell you how many times I stayed up until 5AM (and i came from central time) my first nights in that town.

    It's the oxygen most of the casinos pump in.  I can feel it taking over no matter how tired I am, when I've been walking for 6 hours and drag myself into another casino, I perk right back up and the cycle continues.

    by fabooj on Mon May 22, 2006 at 08:25:04 AM PDT

    •  That's actually a myth

      Casinos don't pump oxygen onto their floors. Check out snopes on the subject here.

      by pontificator on Mon May 22, 2006 at 09:18:19 PM PDT

•  How nice of you!

  I won't be there, am not an alcoholic, although have some loved ones and have been involved in lots of meetings and worked detox for years, before cross addiction got so big and social setting became too dangerous for most.
  I just wanted to say how much I think of your putting up this diary. We all need safe haven in the midst of big crowds. Kudos!

  by emmasnacker on Mon May 22, 2006 at 06:35:35 AM PDT

•  Don't forget sex addicts...

  With legalized prostitution in that part of the country, and all the other sexual pleasures/enticements that Las Vegas as to offer, sex addicts are also at risk for relapsing.  Please make sure to open your arms and welcome them into any support network for recovering addicts.

  Thanks!

  by Robb Black on Mon May 22, 2006 at 07:20:40 AM PDT

  •  Good point and thank you for mentioning it! asdf

    by AndyT on Mon May 22, 2006 at 07:27:19 AM PDT

  •  Prostitution

    Is not legal in Las Vegas.  That's  big myth people think of like marijuana is legal in Jamaica (it isn't).  But there are an awful lot of strip clubs there, so you're right about the other enticements.

    by fabooj on Mon May 22, 2006 at 08:26:45 AM PDT

  •  DavyBaby

    You are a real ass for troll rating this particular comment.  How low are you willing to stoop in your childish endeavor?  Obviously, very low.

    by Robb Black on Tue May 23, 2006 at 06:24:42 AM PDT

•  What a WONDERFUL Idea!

  I won't be at the convention but I'd imagine this will be a welcome respite for anyone missing their regular get-togoethers.

  Well done Andy - and recommended!

  by Alegre on Mon May 22, 2006 at 07:42:16 AM PDT

•  Bravo

  Congratulations to the poster for this initiative, which also illustrates the power of leadership and organizing in all of our realms of influence.

  by LakeSuperior on Mon May 22, 2006 at 08:25:15 AM PDT