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Great news, kids! A member of the Senate, John E. Sununu, the youngest at the age of 41, is now eligible to join the military! I don't know about you, but I am thrilled that the good senator from New Hampshire will get a chance to Simon says stand up until an Iraqi Simon says stands up so Mr. Sununu can Simon says stand down. We can't ask the Iraqis to Simon says stand up at the moment, as they are busy...mmmmm, no, busy's not quite the word I was trying to think of...oh, yeah, occupied! They're a little occupied right now.

Before I get ahead of myself, let's look at what happened.

WASHINGTON, Jan 18 Reuters - The U.S. Army, which missed its fiscal 2005 recruiting goal, said on Wednesday it has raised the maximum enlistment age for new soldiers by five years to 39, greatly expanding its pool of potential recruits.
<snip>
The part-time Army Reserve and Army National Guard increased their maximum enlistment ages by the same amount in March 2005 in an action not requiring congressional approval. For the regular Army, Congress authorized an increase in the maximum enlistment age up to age 42...

The article goes on to say that the measure was adopted because the Army couldn't reach its recruitment goals, but I just know in my heart that Senator Sununu was behind the move just so he could get an opportunity to show how much he loves his country.
While Senator Sununu will lose out on that sweet Senate pay raise, don't you worry! Just look what he gets instead:
The Army, offering new financial incentives to recruits, also doubled the maximum combination of cash enlistment bonuses, up to $40,000 for the regular Army and up to $20,000 for the Army Reserve.--(Reuters)

Suuuuuhhhhh-weeeeeet!!!!!

So, boys and girls, why not join me in a song to encourage Senator Sununu and other 41-year-olds to enlist? Here we go!

to the tune of When I'm Sixty-four (Paul McCartney & John Lennon):

Although you're older,
losing your hair,
go see Uncle Sam,
Got some prostate problems? Pilonidal cyst?
That's okay, you still can enlist!

A little angina,
or a bad back?
That's all okay too,
The army will sign you,
they won't decline you,
until you're forty-two!

Hmm....mmm...mmmh...Old looks good on you.
...Aaah, just say the word,
we'll recruit your doctor, too...

You'll come in handy,
we'll give you a gun,
Some nice bullets too,
Get some target practice on Iraqi sands,
If arthritis hasn't crippled your hands.

Go pack your bags now,
and kiss your wife,
bid your kids adieu,
The army will sign you,
they won't decline you,
until you're forty-two!

Doesn't matter if your eyesight isn't what it used to be,
Or that you can't hear.
Hey, you still can crawl,
Got water on the knee?
We've got Tylenol.

See your recruiter,
drop us a line,
call us on the phone,
No time like the present, so sign up today,
Be-fore you start wasting away.

Bring your I.D. and,
fill out a form,
you're ours forever more,
We will employ you,
and then redeploy you,
until you're sixty-four!

Originally posted to nonnie9999 on Fri Jun 23, 2006 at 02:59 AM PDT.

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Comment Preferences

  •  Okay, I'm looking for my ass now (6+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    tlh lib, begone, Sanuk, mango, nonnie9999, Turbonerd

    ... because I know I laughed it off right about here.

    Nice song!

  •  funny? (3+ / 0-)

    i think this is a dead-serious brilliant idea. i'd like to see a movement to put this in the public eye- it's f*ing brilliant. frame it "finally, one of the chicken hawks of privilege can do some fighting"

  •  My Senator (5+ / 0-)

    John Sunnunu is my Senator, unfortunatly.  Maybe he WILL enlist... Save us all from his Republican-ism.

  •  if you knew what Sununu (9+ / 0-)

    If you knew what Sununu
    Knows about quantum physics & Greek
    & oil explorations & most favored nations
    & the secret handshake of Deke.

    Maybe you, too, like Sununu,
    would adopt as your principal rule
    That you are the brightest, you're lit the lightest,
    & everyone else is a fool.

    With the IQ that Sununu
    Relentlessy tells us is his,
    You might think you're paid to devote half your day to
    Displaying yourself as a whiz.

    But

    If it's true that Sununu's
    So smart, you'd think that he'd know
    What always defines the truly fine minds:
    The smartest guys don't let it show.

    Reason w/o fear! but I'm entitled to my own fax ... "Liberty for wolves is death to the lambs." -Sir Isaiah Berlin

    by Monique Radevu on Fri Jun 23, 2006 at 04:05:59 AM PDT

    •  calvin was on the daily show... (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      tlh lib, 73rd virgin

      the other night. i love that guy!

      I didn't get Jack from Abramoff...I'm not a Republican!

      by nonnie9999 on Fri Jun 23, 2006 at 04:16:47 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  That was Sununu pere, right? n/t (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Vico, nonnie9999

      Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction. - Pascal

      by Clem Yeobright on Fri Jun 23, 2006 at 04:52:23 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Yep. (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Clem Yeobright, nonnie9999

        I don't think anyone claims the genius for Boy Sununu that Pop supposedly had.

        "You have the illusion when you're doing things on your computer that you're really out there." -- Laurie Anderson

        by Vico on Fri Jun 23, 2006 at 06:00:38 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  except maybe... (0+ / 0-)

          the Boy?

          I didn't get Jack from Abramoff...I'm not a Republican!

          by nonnie9999 on Fri Jun 23, 2006 at 12:56:08 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

        •  You'd think, but I'm gotta guess that (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          nonnie9999

          Sununu the Lesser might indeed claim Mensa for himself, although it should be "Densa", the ever-so less exclusive Sub-Genius Club.

          I ought have provided the date of Trillin's verse - 1990 - & so I humble my miserable self to your awesome mercy murmur:Mea (non maxima) culpa. As my press secretary will spontaneously say, "No one could have anticipated that you'd misunderstand which Sununu."

          "Four or five days after I submitted "If You Knew Sununu" to The Nation, it began to dawn on me that I couldn't write a poem about Sununu every week. I started looking around for what I suppose you'd have to call alternate punching bags... the logical place to look for subjects was George Bush's family."

          • CT, p13 "Deadline Poet - My Life as a Doggerelist" (*Bush41)

          Reason w/o fear! but I'm entitled to my own fax ... "Liberty for wolves is death to the lambs." -Sir Isaiah Berlin

          by Monique Radevu on Fri Jun 23, 2006 at 12:59:55 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  if i ever got famous... (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Monique Radevu

            and needed a pseudonym, it would be mia culpa. that way, everytime i did something stupid, i would do a mea culpa, thereby apologizing and getting my name out there at the same time.

            I didn't get Jack from Abramoff...I'm not a Republican!

            by nonnie9999 on Fri Jun 23, 2006 at 01:03:58 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

          •  oops (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            nonnie9999

            correction in bold:
            "Four or five days after I submitted "If You Knew Sununu" to "The Nation" as my first poem, it began to dawn on me that I couldn't write a poem about Sununu every week. I started looking around..."

            Reason w/o fear! but I'm entitled to my own fax ... "Liberty for wolves is death to the lambs." -Sir Isaiah Berlin

            by Monique Radevu on Fri Jun 23, 2006 at 01:06:50 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

  •  BTW ... (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Clem Yeobright, begone, nonnie9999

    ... all snark aside, we do have at least one 75-year-old officer serving in Afghanistan.  He's a doc, but no job in the Army is immune from combat -- he was in a 10-hour firefight late last year.

    Retired Reserve Doc Deploys Third Time
    By Paul X. Rutz
    American Forces Press Service

    WASHINGTON, June 16, 2006 – Most military members end their careers by the time they are half his age, but one Army doctor says he would rather come out of retirement to help the troops than watch from the sidelines.

    Col. William Bernhard, an Army surgeon, stands in front of a UH-60 Black Hawk helicopter on Forward Operating Base Lima, Iraq, Oct. 15, 2005. Bernhard, 75, is about to deploy to Kabul, Afghanistan, reportedly as the oldest deployed member of America's armed forces. Courtesy photo    

    Tomorrow, retired Army Reserve Col. William Bernhard, a 75-year-old surgeon, will start a journey to Afghanistan, his third deployment in the war on terror.

    ... Last year, he deployed to Iraq with the Mississippi Army National Guard's 155th Brigade Combat Team. He took charge of medical facilities at five forward operating bases west and south of Baghdad.

    "Any time I went outside the wire -- and I was out a lot flying all over and doing missions outside the wire -- I usually carried a 9mm and a sawed-off 12-gauge shotgun because you're close in to them there, and you're in villages," he said.

    On Nov. 23, 2005, Bernhard and his unit found themselves guarding a bombed-out building on the Euphrates River 85 miles west of Baghdad. "I was the one with the shotgun, so I had to cover the little alley coming down behind us," he said. "We got in a firefight for about 10 hours that night. A patrol coming down got within a quarter of a mile of us, and (the insurgents) ambushed them, and they killed one of my medics that night."

    Source

    •  amazing! (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Clem Yeobright, Sophie Blue

      i saw on one of the news shows a kid who lost a kidney in iraq, got a purple heart, and then went back to fight some more. what the hell? how on earth do they allow a kid with just one kidney to go back into combat? i know that it was his choice to go back, but what kind of military would allow him to return?

      I didn't get Jack from Abramoff...I'm not a Republican!

      by nonnie9999 on Fri Jun 23, 2006 at 05:00:18 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  2 for 1 Special (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    nonnie9999

    http://www.toledoblade.com/...

    Ron Skulas, 51, was surprised by a recent e-mail from the Army calling him to active duty in Iraq but happy about the chance to see his son there.

    Retired to civilian life from the Army Reserve for seven years, the father of two was a major before leaving active duty in 1988.

    Major Skulas, whose wife died in October of a cancer-related stroke, said his parents and friends have told him they are worried he could be injured or killed when he goes to Iraq. While he understands their concerns, he said he wants to do his duty.

    Major Skulas said he volunteered for active duty in 2002 but was turned down and did not hear from the Army again until April. Though details of his deployment are fuzzy - his departure date is tentative and he doesn't know what unit he will join or where he will be stationed - Major Skulas said he is not worried.

    "I trust the troops, I trust the commanders, I trust the people over there who have first-hand experience," he said.

    Yeah, I trust them too.  NOT

    I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. Will Rogers

    by Zwoof on Fri Jun 23, 2006 at 12:23:19 PM PDT

    •  that's fine if he trusts the troops... (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Zwoof, Monique Radevu

      but can the troops trust him? i am sure he has the best of intentions, but let's face facts. you are not in the same shape physically in your 50's that you were in your 20's and 30's or even your 40's. there are exceptions to every rule (i hate you, 50-year-old woman in the bowflex commercial!!!), but there is a reason there are age limits for a host of occupations.
      now, if you will excuse me, i have to call my broker and ask him to find the companies that make armor-plated walkers.

      I didn't get Jack from Abramoff...I'm not a Republican!

      by nonnie9999 on Fri Jun 23, 2006 at 01:00:27 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  if you don't have health insurance, (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        nonnie9999

        you can join up, suffer a back or knee injury in basic training and receive VA benefits and treatment forever on the Gov'ts dime.

        I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. Will Rogers

        by Zwoof on Fri Jun 23, 2006 at 05:29:39 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  sometimes i think... (0+ / 0-)

          this is why the rethugs want the middle class to disappear, why they want health insurance to be so expensive that people can't afford it, and why they won't raise the minimum wage. this way, they have a permanent underclass who, with no other options, sign up with the military. no draft necessary so that their precious rich kids are never in danger of being forced to fight for the country that gives them tax breaks on their trust funds.

          I didn't get Jack from Abramoff...I'm not a Republican!

          by nonnie9999 on Fri Jun 23, 2006 at 05:41:38 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

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