The President's decision to back a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage is premised on the notion that it is necessary in order to "defend" the institution of marriage. This is a false premise.
The institution of marriage between a man and a woman is in no way threatened by allowing people of the same sex to form civil unions or to marry one another. No man and woman will be denied a marriage permit in favor of a same sex couple. No married man and woman will have their marriage torn apart because a gay couple down the street has decided to get legally hitched. No man or woman is likely to decide not to marry simply because gay people can do something equivalent.
The accurate description of permitting civil unions or gay marriage is that it is an expansion of what most people agree is a good thing. Legally joined couples add stability to society and to their communities. They are more likely to purchase homes and take an active stake in the matters that affect their neighborhoods and towns. They are the traditional backbone of much that is down to earth and good
about life in America. An expansion of this type of relationship should be welcomed, not feared or condemned.
Over time, America inevitably moves closer to the promise of tolerance implicit in our view that all people are created equal. Too often, this process requires a tremendous amount of kicking and screaming along the way. Yet most Americans now accept the basic concept of equality as a mainstream American value, and slowly but surely it is less of a news item when someone becomes the "first woman" this, or the "first African-American" that. We seem gradually to become more interested in "the content of one's character, rather than the color of one's skin," as Dr. King prophesied over thirty years ago.
Opposition to civil unions or gay marriage runs counter to this bedrock American principal. To prohibit legally joined relationships on the basis of a factor that seems as immutable as the color of one's skin is precisely the kind of discrimination that should strike us all as being patently un-American. Our acceptance of our differences makes us stronger as a nation, and it distinguishes and ennobles us in the eyes of the world. Even as our government is disparaged in other countries, those who disparage us still long to come here and make new lives on the even ground provided by America's promise of equality.
It has not been so many years since interracial dating was considered taboo. Now most of us would agree that a place like Bob Jones University is out of step for prohibiting it. Divorce and being born out of wedlock at one time carried a stigma that was terribly painful to kids who had no control over their parents' decisions. Yet now we accept these children even as we wish that more families could be healthy and intact.
Over time, America's genius is in sorting out what is important from what is not, and over time, we repeatedly find that our similarities are more important than our differences. Equality is our touchstone in this endeavor, and someday, hopefully soon and with a minimum of kicking and screaming, we will find that it applies to gay people who surely deserve the same rights to join as legal partners as are enjoyed by every other American.
Defend marriage? Let's go one step better and let all of our citizens to enjoy its benefits.