The liberal confessional; or, I hate myself

Back when Maron and Riley had "Morning Sedition" on Air America, they did this thing called The Liberal Confessional, where Maron would 'confess his liberal sins' to Riley. It was usually funny, and often incisive. I remember one when Maron's confession was, "I'm really a lazy-ass about recycling." I could relate to that one.

But I've got a really big one. So, I'm here, confessing my big fat liberal sin. It's this:

I'm finding it very, very hard to give a crap about Darfur.

More on the flip.

I skip the Darfur diaries. I skip the pleas for help. And it's not just Darfur. Couldn't work up the energy to care about the plane crash in Russia. The lovely diary about the man in India that was arrested and tortured--I read it, but shrugged my shoulders. Lebanon? Israel? Let them blow each other the fuck up--what do I care?

If it didn't happen in these here United States, I can't make myself care anymore. I'm turning isolationist. I've never been isolationist. I don't like it one bit.

What it is, is cynicism and fatigue. The fatigue part has to do with two things: there's always something bad happening somewhere; and don't we have enough problems here? The first one, and I know it, has been exacerbated by Iraq. Can't we just keep our noses out of these hellholes? All that money, all those lives? Don't we have enough to do here?

The cynicism part? Well, that just gets worse every day. Look, not only are we sticking our noses in lots of hellholes, we're also fucking many of them up. Not all of them--Bosnia comes to mind--but many of them. Iraq is just the latest example. Does anyone think this government has the capability to do anything to help Darfur? Nope. These morons will just make it worse.

I've tried. I've tried to care about Darfur. But when I look at what a clusterfuck we've made of Iraq, and when I look at how many problems we have right here at home--I just can't do it.

And I hate that about myself.

•  Tips, flames...

  whatever. This was catharsis, so I'll take the flames if you think they're warranted.

  by ChurchofBruce on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 08:02:02 AM PDT

  •  Flames not warranted.

    Thanks for prompting us (me) to take an honest look at ourselves (myself). I think honestly admitting our perfectly human imperfections is a sign of strength, not weakness; a roadsign pointing to hope, not despair. Doesn't mean we're where we need to be, but confirms that we're heading in the right direction.

    by slksfca on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 09:25:24 AM PDT

•  Im simpatico.

  It gets tough for me to get TRULY worked up these days, after years and years of constant rage and sorrow and anguish. So I am surprised when I catch myself growing truly outraged, and the things that set me off are growing more ridiculous. For example, in the past year (post Katrina), I can count on one hand the things that really got my adrenaline pumping, and one of them was George Bush chewing with his mouth open at the G8.

  WTF? THAT is what makes me curse out loud these days? My outrage meter is horribly out of whack. Hopefully I will be able to calibrate it in 08 back to normal.

  by ablington on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 08:10:08 AM PDT

  •  It's not out of whack.

    It's not ridiculous to expect that a President knows that chewing with his mouth wide-open at a diplomatic event is unacceptable.  It's not ridiculous to expect that a President knows that grabbing a foreign head of state and massaging her shoulders is unacceptable.  It's not ridiculous to expect that a President doesn't spend most of his time of vacation (physical or mental).  It's not ridiculous to expect that a President doesn't start unnecessary wars, ignore major crises, or belittle his political opponents and practically brand them terrorists.  It's not ridiculous to expect that a President doesn't need underlings to say with admiration, "He's fluent in the English language."

    Your outrage is not misplaced, this man is a blot on American history.  I would rather see Warren G. Harding and Nixon back in the White House as co-presidents than see Bush spend another year there.  sigh.

    by Arturo52 on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 09:43:53 AM PDT

•  Sad to say...

  but it's hard to blame you.  I think we're all overwhelmed by all the bad things that are going on.  If we weren't causing so many of the problems, maybe we'd be able to solve some of them.  What a horrible time for rightwingers to be in power!

  Iraq Moratorium

  by One Pissed Off Liberal on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 08:37:35 AM PDT

•  Energy depletion

  I concur. I am not proud of the fact that I have seemed to have run out of concern. The energy is simply not there.
  You see, I always thought if you continued to do the next right thing, to the best of your ability, things would get better. This would hold true not just for yourself, but for everyone in your sphere, and through association, everyone throughout the world. one person affecting another, affecting another.
  It's not true. I have tried, for many years, to do the next right thing. Now, I am tired, disillusioned and angry; which, by the way, makes it damn hard to do the next right thing on a regular basis.
  The world is more polluted, the poor are more desperate and the hungry more so. War rages in my name although I opposed it with all my might. Torture continues although I loathe the idea and the people who perpetrate and support it. Katrina survivors continue to be ignored although I have given more than I can afford.
  My financial situtaion has deteriorated as a result of my humanitarian efforts and the markets haven't helped the situation. The job I have is not secure, although I  give it my all every single day. The people who depend on me for jobs are more desperate than me and I feel a resposibility for them which is heavy. My fear for them is greater than for my own future.
  I look for signs of things getting better and I see a few small signs of light, but realize the depths we have fallen may be to deep from which to emerge. I fear for the humanity we once believed we could attain.
  And I look for leaders and see NONE. No one in politics, no one in religion, no one in business. NO ONE.
  That's why I am tired, that's why I am depressed, that's why I am at times ready to give up. I don't have children, so I don't have a genetic responsibilty. So I sometimes think its okay to let things slide.
  But I don't. I continue to try and do the next right thing. Even though I am tired, even though I am depressed, even though I am scared about our future. Why..., because its the right thing to do and because its our only hope as a people.
  So, I'll continue to give while it hurts and care although its painful. Because to do less would be to be less, and it would not be right for me.
  Hope its not right for you either.

  by DouginMD on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 08:38:55 AM PDT

  •  What bothers me

    about myself isn't that I've stopped doing the next right thing. It's that I've started defining 'the next right thing' exclusively within the borders of the USA.

    Another Katrina would outrage me. The first one did outrage me. But the same thing happening in, oh, the Dominican Republic? Not so much.

    That's what bothers me. That's what I'm trying to fight within myself.

    But, you're right. The energy just isn't there.

    And I do have kids, and I also have a lot of personal shit going on (an impending marital separation being the biggie) so my energy is limited by a lot of things.

    It's where my 'gut' is telling me to concentrate my (admittedly limited) energy that bothers me.

    by ChurchofBruce on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 10:26:02 AM PDT

    •  I feel the same way. I'm overwhelmed.

      However: Please read this diary for insight into one of the most urgent, local problems we face and can do something about : The No Hysteria Zone: John Dean on Christian Nationalism.

      I wouldn't have had the guts to post a diary like this, despite sharing your feelings of despair and helplessnes.

      by Halcyon on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 03:05:27 PM PDT

•  One can only assume so

  much horror, outrage and sadness on a personal level.  If I try to exceed my personal level, it weirds out may family, friends and co-workers, so I don't.

  by wozzle on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 08:40:14 AM PDT

•  Good on you

  Each of us has his own demon to feed or starve. We also have a limited capacity for intake. Your honestly probably reflects the feelings of a lot of others.

  by mmontanaman on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 09:17:03 AM PDT

•  Do I know you?

  Wait...you might be me, I'm not sure anymore.

  I do not think I have ever agreed with a Diary more than yours today. That is exactly how I feel.

  I can't stand to look at Darfur.

  I am no longer capable (on a daily basis) of keeping my heart open in hell. I hate to say this, because I suffer from the same need for confession, but I am worn to a damn frazzle, most of the time, anymore. I feel guilty as hell saying that, because what I have to deal with is not much when compared to what our troops, the Iraqi people and, yes, those in Darfur, have to endure on a daily basis.

  I suck.

  I don't feel as though I can work up the energy to do a damn thing about anything, but make one last-ditch effort to get people elected to the Congress this November, who will do something, any damn thing, to hold our government accountable for its part in whatever stinking hell-hole they have drug us into and managed, against all odds, to make worse.

  What's more, and for this I refuse to feel any guilt at all, I agree whole-heartedly about not wanting the Bush admministration to do anything about anything else.

  Why would anyone, with a shred of compassion left for anyone else in the world, including ourselves, want that?

  He knows how to do two things: Send the military and lie about the reasons. If we do not wish to see Darfur nuked or invaded by Blackwater, we probably ought to shut up about it, for now.

  Admittedly, a community blog is probably not the best place for confession, especially a real one, but I judge you not, less I be judged and to the same measure. (Now we are probably both going to get it, up-side the cyber-head.)

  Whatever, I can't get my mind off the nightmare I had last night, in which the earth turned into a giant mushroom and the sun decided to slice it up, put it on a pizza and ship the pizza to Pluto, for a consolation prize, except it somehow wound up in CT. running for the senate. There were huge signs, everywhere, saying Pizza for the Senate and Healthcare for everyone else, for a change. I woke up sweating bullets and acreaming, "Pizza for the Senate, Pluto is Dick Cheney in drag." My significant other thinks I am having those Vietnam dreams again or, maybe, Tim Leary isn't really dead, and has put acid in my sleepytime tea.

  But, I feel better now. Thank you for the Diary.

  Serious and snarky.

  by TDW on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 09:23:35 AM PDT

•  Thank you

  for speaking for what I'm sure are many people who still have hope, but are burned out on bad news.

  by mmontanaman on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 09:35:29 AM PDT