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I would like a bathtub with wheels and a motor so after I take a bath I can drive it out in the garden and water the flower.

I would like a cell phone with crank charger, so I can just wind it up whenever the battery is low, like a forever flashlight. Why doesn't Toyota want you to plug the Prius in?

"Thank you for coming to the third anual human sexuality conference." Let's begin.

“The variety of sexual experiences possible in the human animal is enormous. For example, some 200 people a year die from auto-affixation during orgasm, in an attempt to mix the climatic experience with the sensation of suffocation. This is but one of an infinite variety of sexual experience. Imprinting or other process leads to sexual fixation and a gender aim is not inherent in sexuality. There is a latent capacity of any individual to a plethora of stimuli.”

200 people a year do not die from auto-fixation.

"They do."

They don't.

"I would know. Can I continue now?

Please.

"Thank you. Our first example, who we will call John,” Santa was saying, “It seems, dreams of having his buttocks removed by a Lesbian friend of his.”

What does that have to do with auto-fixation?

"Please, let me finish.  The possible objects of sexual fixations include people, feet, shoes, sheep, goats, cows…” and at this precise moment, as he went to try to turn the page again, he was forced to pause as he could not separate sheets, “…of any age or gender,” he continued.

A cow of any gender is a bull.

“The cow, and we do see only domestic animals in the literature, is prominent in that in the example of sexual activity or the fantasy of sexual contact on the part…”

No tigers?

“The example of sexual activity or the fantasy of sexual contact on the part... of the cow.”

Naughty, naughty cow, or of any gender is a bull.

"How about a bathtub on wheels, so after you take a bath, you can roll it out in the garden, and let the water out in a flower bed? And it'll need a motor. And a steering wheel."

That was a way-wacky non-sequitur.

"It wasn't."

No, not unless there was a cow in the bathtub auto-fixating.

"What bathtub?"

I was on Mulberry Street and I saw a auto-fixing cow of any gender driving a bathtub.

"No you didn't."

Can I continue?

"Please."

Why no tiger? Just because it's not domesticated? I bet there is someone with a Tiger fetish.

"The ones with tiger fetishes were eliminated by natural selection."

And the ones with auto-fixation fetishes seems to keep on trucking?

"No one auto-fixates. It's an urban myth."

Started by you.

"Nevertheless, it's a myth."

Originally posted to willep on Sat Jan 13, 2007 at 05:38 AM PST.

Poll

what would be the coolest:

17%22 votes
4%6 votes
19%25 votes
0%0 votes
2%3 votes
10%14 votes
3%4 votes
4%6 votes
11%15 votes
3%4 votes
22%29 votes

| 128 votes | Vote | Results

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