I had a diary about a marvelously vicious anti-Macintosh article in the Guardian (The British do Nasty with such aplomb), which netted something in excess of 200 comments, which leaves me both thankful, and a bit disturbed.
Then I thought, where is the Linux humor?
I'm pretty platform agnostic. I prefer sitting on the sidelines and making snarky "get a bloody life" comments about people who spend their time arguing about Mac vs. PC vs. Linux vs. BSD, etc.
This probably comes from the fact that I started out my computer days on a CDC Cyber 175 running NOS, and after that, a George W. Bush natural language interface is more advanced.
That sort of thing leaves you twisted and warped.
I use Windowz at home and a work, and I do a lot of BSD shell at my ISP, and the only thing that pisses me off is Power Point type presentations, which are platform agnostic.
That being said, I think that Linux needs a satirical anthem, and I think that the "Unitarian Jihad" (it's after the flip for reference) would be a good model.
(more after the flip)
Should it be the "Linux Jihad", the "Linuxtarian Jihad", the "Penguin Jihad", or what?
It's clear to me that Linus and Penguins (wiki Linux if you don't get it) have to be a part of this, but I'm less certain about people like RMS (If I hear him insist on the use of "GNU" one more time, my head will explode), or villians like SCO/Caldera, or companies with funny names, like Red Hat that might be comic fodder.
So, what makes a good, "You motherf%$#er I have to clean off my monitor!" essay about Linux?
Remember two things:
- Penguin lust.
- And think of the children.
You have to help.
And for reference, the original Unitarian Jihad:
Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States. We are Unitarian Jihad. There is only God, unless there is more than one God. The vote of our God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God, with two abstentions. Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the possibility of there being no God at all, and his objection was noted with love by the secretary.
Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States! Too long has your attention been waylaid by the bright baubles of extremist thought. Too long have fundamentalist yahoos of all religions (except Buddhism -- 14-5 vote, no abstentions, fundamentalism subcommittee) made your head hurt. Too long have you been buffeted by angry people who think that God talks to them. You have a right to your moderation! You have the power to be calm! We will use the IED of truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression!
People of the United States, why is everyone yelling at you??? Whatever happened to ... you know, everything? Why is the news dominated by nutballs saying that the Ten Commandments have to be tattooed inside the eyelids of every American, or that Allah has told them to kill Americans in order to rid the world of Satan, or that Yahweh has instructed them to go live wherever they feel like, or that Shiva thinks bombing mosques is a great idea? Sister Immaculate Dagger of Peace notes for the record that we mean no disrespect to Jews, Muslims, Christians or Hindus. Referred back to the committee of the whole for further discussion.
We are Unitarian Jihad. We are everywhere. We have not been born again, nor have we sworn a blood oath. We do not think that God cares what we read, what we eat or whom we sleep with. Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity notes for the record that he does not have a moral code but is nevertheless a good person, and Unexalted Leader Garrote of Forgiveness stipulates that Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity is a good person, and this is to be reflected in the minutes.
Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups with brains enough to understand the difference between political belief and personal faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of terrorist-like actions. We will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will not try for "balance" by hiring fruitcakes; we will try for balance by hiring non-ideologues who have carefully thought through the issues.
We are Unitarian Jihad. We will appear in public places and require people to shake hands with each other. (Sister Hand Grenade of Love suggested that we institute a terror regime of mandatory hugging, but her motion was not formally introduced because of lack of a quorum.) We will require all lobbyists, spokesmen and campaign managers to dress like trout in public. Televangelists will be forced to take jobs as Xerox repair specialists. Demagogues of all stripes will be required to read Proust out loud in prisons.
We are Unitarian Jihad, and our motto is: "Sincerity is not enough." We have heard from enough sincere people to last a lifetime already. Just because you believe it's true doesn't make it true. Just because your motives are pure doesn't mean you are not doing harm. Get a dog, or comfort someone in a nursing home, or just feed the birds in the park. Play basketball. Lighten up. The world is not out to get you, except in the sense that the world is out to get everyone.
Brother Gatling Gun of Patience notes that he's pretty sure the world is out to get him because everyone laughs when he says he is a Unitarian. There were murmurs of assent around the room, and someone suggested that we buy some Congress members and really stick it to the Baptists. But this was deemed against Revolutionary Principles, and Brother Gatling Gun of Patience was remanded to the Sunday Flowers and Banners committee.
People of the United States! We are Unitarian Jihad! We can strike without warning. Pockets of reasonableness and harmony will appear as if from nowhere! Nice people will run the government again! There will be coffee and cookies in the Gandhi Room after the revolution.