Today's revelation about Judi Guiliani and the job she had demonstrating surgical products that required the torture and death of dogs got me thinking about other Republican wives and whether Ms. Guiliani's proclivity towards maiming and killing animals was unique to her or whether it was a more fundamental trait of GOP wives.
What my research showed stunned me and may in fact get to the heart of the difference between conservatives and liberals. Brace yourselves, for this is what I found:
- Cindy McCain loved spending summers at her grandfather's farm in Minnesota. Some say that she enjoyed the warm days and cool nights, milking the cows, baling hay. Others say it was that Grandpa kept a chest full of little yellow chicks for Cindy's visits. According to sources, little Cindy was allowed two cookies and two chicks before bed each night. With cookies and chicks in hand, sources say, Cindy would skip down to the stream behind the farm and squeal with delight as she chomped on Grandma's oatmeal raisins and drowned her chicks each evening.
- According to a source, to this day, Ann Romney enjoys poking kittens in the eyes with her dinner fork just to see them run into stuff.
- Recent entrant to the '08 race Tommy Thompson's wife Sue Ann shares a similar hobby. Some say she and her family spend time together lining up frogs in front of the Thompson house and stomping on them one by one. I can only imagine this reveals some subconscious desire to do harm to her flabby, frog necked husband.
- Media darling Fred Thompson and his wife, Jeri, spend a week each summer burning bugs up through a magnifying glass on the porch of their Malibu, California estate. Dah-dum.
- Tom Tancredo's wife, Jackie, limits her addiction, somewhat ironically, to killing Chihuahuas and eating their guts mixed with a tangy mole out of taco shells. Ole'.
- Finally, sources suspect foul play in the death of Spot the White House dog. My advice: Run, Barney, run, as fast as those three inch legs can take you. Head NORTH.
In summary, my findings reveal that Ms. Giuliani is not an isolated concern. Although I cannot be sure that each of these stories is entirely true, I did receive these reports from sources close to, or near to, or familiar with, or aware of the campaigns at issue or any campaign, or no campaign. So, it's really important that we get the news out fast.