Honeybee populations are in steep decline around the world. Activists are sure that pollen from GM corn is the cause.
According to Professor Plum, quoted in the popular magazine Das Snark:
We have concluded that the death of honeybees is due to pollen from GM corn. A cloud of toxic GM pollen has enveloped the planet in much the same way that Cher's recording of "Believe" did in 1999, and that song led to massive crop failure in the Horn of Africa.
Oh sure there are other theories, but once you rule out diet, like being force fed corn syrup, that leaves us with two choices: it's either a toxin, or a disease. Bees live in hives, where all the workers are actually sisters in the same family. Their mother, the queen, is shipped in live from a breeder who ships queens all over the country. The hives are trucked all over the country, and come in close contact with other hives.
The idea that disease would spread under these conditions is absurd. It's like saying that all the passengers in a cheap Mexican cruiseship in Puerto Vallarta could all get the shits at the same time. That's just crazy talk!
So that can only leave toxins, and we all know there's nothing deadlier than corn.
Dr. Plum explains the subtleties of the scientific method:
If I already didn't know GM corn was to blame, I'd use techniques from high school chemistry to identify the toxin. I'd try a half dozen generic purification techniques, and I'd see which one succeeded in concentrating the compound of interest. Of course I'd need an assay to measure the concentration, but with a toxin I'd devise a simple bioassay. By the time the compound was pure anough for analysis, I'd already have a fairly good idea what sort of compound it is. Luckily, we already know it's a GM toxin, so we can skip this part.
And we're really lucky this isn't a disease, because unknown pathogens can be extremely difficult to detect. You don't just pull an unknown pathogen out of tissue. First you have to look for other indicators - white blood cell counts and such, and you try to culture the organism. Koch's Postulate is somewhat outdated but generally true - culturing an infectious agent is necessary to prove its role in disease. That's what makes it so much harder to identify an unknown pathogen than it is to identify a toxin. It might take years to develop the methods to culture a new pathogen. And the problem can be much harder for a virus or parasite.
So we're really lucky that it's a GM toxin because that explains its unusual properties, such as its ability to circle the globe, elude conventional tests, and kill leaving no trace. It's like some evil magic pixie dust. It's the only obvious answer.
Mr. Green, a well known environmental activist, agrees with Professor Plum.
Critics say "How can you blame GM pollen when bees are dying in countries that have little or no GM crops such as Scotland, Germany, and Poland?" That's what make it frightening - this stuff is so toxic that it can strike down its victims thousands of miles away.
Professor Plum underestimates GM pollen's cataclysmic menace by comparing it to evil magic pixie dust. But it's much worse than regular evil magic pixie dust, it's like radioactive evil magic pixie dust.
And don't let people minimize the danger of GM food by calling bees the "canary in the coal mine" - we have had reports from the Ukraine of pollen from American GM corn killing actual canaries in real coal mines, and frankly, the miners are pretty upset.
Mr Green attributes this stunning toxicity to the principle of homeopathy - that biologically active compounds can be diluted almost infinitely with no loss in activity.
This stuff is just as deadly 5,000 miles away as it is at 100 yards. Just like second hand smoke!
Mr. Green suggest that scientists are once again looking to cash in on their discoveries without regard for the planet.
The so-called scientists only care about getting rich by way of their conspiracies. We've seen this before. The Creationists, Global Warming Skeptics, and Flat Earth Society have got it right - scientists are engaged in a whole series of global conspiracies to mislead the public. That's how they get rich.
Mr. Green also suggests that scientists have a historical bias against toxins:
We have seen this happen before. Scientists are so caught up in this "gern theory" of theirs. In the middle ages, the Black Death killed millions of people, spreading from country to country over several years. Scientists would say that some unknown disease caused the Black Death, but they can't really say for sure what the disease was. So-called scientists choose to ignore an opposing viewpoint - that the Black Death was the result of people traveling from town to town poisoning the wells. Even though thousands of people confessed to poisoning wells under torture, scientists continue to ignore their sworn testimony. But the germ theory is just a theory, like evolution, and, like evolution, it is being discredited.
People can hide their heads in the sand if they want, but like the bees we're all doomed anyway. People need to WAKE UP.
UPDATED:
Bees are not being killed by GM pollen as was suggested by Professor Plum and Mr. Green. They were killed by Colonel Mustard in the library with the candlestick.