I am available and prepared to serve as War Czar. My qualifications:
*I attended graduate school at the University of Wisconsin at the same time as Dick Cheney. Neither of us got our degrees.
*I had a double undergraduate major in history and political science. I totally understand the concept of irrational behavior in a world of nuclear armaments. I read Herman Kahn.
*I have seen Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb at least eight or nine times.
*My ancestors are of Russian descent. Poor villagers, the victims of brutal Pogroms, assaults, looting and plundering, and rapes; there may be Czarist blood in my veins.
*I have fired a handgun, though I never shot anyone in the face.
*I have a lot of lazy no-good friends who would love to either embezzle billions of dollars or participate in war profiteering.
*I know the names of most of the countries in the Middle East and their capitals.
*As mayor of Madison, I was Commander in Chief of the Police Department, which has one the highest proportion of gays in the country. (Oops).
*I was never drafted.
*It took me only three days (two were the weekend) to negotiate a settlement with the Teamsters Union when the bus drivers went out on strike.