In all the media frenzy surrounding the Virginia Tech shootings, there's been talk about how we should have MORE guns; we should have FEWER guns; there's abundant speculation about the shooter's motives-- we have FBI profilers trying to explain his "mental demons" and television anchors saying it was "his girlfriend issues," we have reporters telling us it was because of his "mental health concerns." We already have Democrats blaming Republicans and Republicans blaming Democrats. And yet, one thing has been grossly overlooked: that this product was not just the product of guns, of psychiatry, of politics, or of angry ex-boyfriends: it was the product of our culture of alienation and isolation.
We learn that nobody actually KNEW the gunman; that very few people even KNEW his family, despite the fact that they lived in a townhouse in the suburbs. We learn that the gunman was not known by many, if any, of his victims. And yet we raise our arms and cry, "How could this happen?" What do you mean, HOW? It was BOUND to happen. When a society rewards social isolation and the social means of behavioral restraint like public shame or personal acquaintance, any person-- not just a maniac with guns-- is capable of doing anything, including this.
Why do you flick off that driver cutting you off on the highway? Sure, he's a jerk. But you do it because you know there will be no repercussions. You're just going to leave each other in a moment; why should you care? Sure enough, he flicks you back; you're both angry, but after a while, the moment finally passes when he pulls off and you're alone in your car again.
Why do you flame that poster on the Internet? Sure, he's a wingnut spouting bullshit again. But you do it because you know there will be no real repercussions. He's not going to hunt you down and beat you up in public. Hell, he has no idea who YOU are.
Why do you buy a shit-ton of ammunition and guns to mow down dozens of innocent people you don't even know? BECAUSE you don't know them. Because they're not your family. Because, in their strangeness to you, you might even blame them for the wrongs in your life; in your alienation, you cannot see them for being human beings, with wishes and desires and loves and hates and foibles and a whole history behind them, but only as objects-- objects of a society that has failed, so far, to give you what you've wanted. Because, ultimately, you know that there's no shame in this; you've never seen them before, and they've never seen you-- you've got no name to them that might be besmirched.
What I'm trying to say is that this behavior is the behavior of distanced communities, in which very few social ties are available to detect and prevent outbreaks of this sort of behavior. Think about it: how many of you actually talk on more than just a passing basis to your next-door neighbors? How many of you actually have more friends outside of work than at work? How many of you know exactly who every one of your child's friends are? Those of you who can say yes, God bless ya. I'd be willing to be that most of us-- myself included-- aren't quite so lucky.
Our society has become increasingly displaced; our lives have become more isolated. We communicate increasingly over the Internet and over the phone and decreasingly in real life. We are losing, slowly but surely, those very HUMAN connections that make any society viable over the long term. We are losing, bit by bit, the behavioral censors that keep this sort of thing from happening.
Because when you KNOW a person, when you are familiar with their loves and hates, their wishes and desires, and when they know you, even if they annoy the living shit out of you, well-- you might still be able to murder them (I'm not belittling the awful effects of domestic violence, just trying to make a point), but it's a lot fucking harder than just murdering a perfect stranger. Your rage isn't directed at an object anymore, but a real human being with whom you share a connection. And when people know YOU, when you might have to live with the social consequences of your transgressions-- then that murderous intent becomes even harder to enact.
I'm not sure really why I'm writing this. None of this changes the very real grief I feel for the families affected by this unbelievable tragedy. None of this has any real easy solution; not like passing stricter gun laws or helping people buy more guns or electing, alternatively, Democrats or Republicans. We can't paper over the carnage, like President Bush clearly wants to do, with pretty words; we can't even express the outrage, like the MSM wants to do, with pretty graphics and voice-overs and somber music that gives way, ever so prettily, to a commercial break. All I'm saying is that our society might-- just might-- be a little better if we changed a few things.
Go meet your next-door neighbor, and talk to them. Invite them over for dinner, and make a new friend if you can.
Go hug your family members. Remember how much you love them, even when they're being annoying or stupid or whatever.
Go love your children, make love to your spouse; take your buddy out for a beer and watch a movie with your girlfriends.
Get out in your community, and get your community involved with you. Build, at the smallest level, those institutions of love and community that have sustained mankind up to this point.
Get off your ass and off that computer and turn off that cellphone. Forget the Internet connection. Go make a real human connection that restores to you human life.