My university's graduation is going on literally at this hour. I'm sitting in my apartment room instead of attending. My roommates' families are there with them.
So why?
My mother refused to come up from home and doesn't want my siblings up here with me either.
My dad died at 50 of a stroke my freshman year in college: it was losing both parents for me. My mom was an abusive parent my entire life, mentally and physically. My dad protected me as much as he could but worked for the majority of the time so was limited in what he could do.
After he died, my relationship with my mom plummeted. She had no need to hide anything anymore. She accused me of dad's death, being lazy and irresponsible, anything and everything. She lashed into me so horribly one night my younger brother, who normally stays neutral out of it, got involved in my behalf and protected me. To sit there crying on the couch, hugged and consoled by my 14 year old brother, as my mom wailed her eyes out in her room cursing me was probably the most horrible experience of my life.
Within two years, she had banned me from coming back home again unless I followed strict guidelines which she set down (IE 48 hours of warning for a less than 24 hour visit of my siblings). I spent my junior-year summer living with my friend in another city as I had no housing options otherwise.
Now she decided that, despite promising to attend my graduation, she didn't want to come up nor did my siblings. I found out after I talked to my brother on the phone and asked if he was coming up still; he got quiet, and then said she wasn't coming up and hadn't told me at all.
So here I sit, tears welling: its hard to tell if its from the survivor's pride of knowing that I am strong enough to undergo this when not a single one of my friends could, or from the frustration of not seeing my siblings at one of the more momentous parts of my life. I know both emotions are there, I can't tell which one is winning out, though.
This isn't a suicidal message or seeking-attention one. Just one of quiet fortitude, asking for similar stories so I don't feel as alone today.