Recently, at my uncle’s wake in Queens, my Dad, my husband and I stood talking to a friend of the family. He was a talker...no one could get a word in edgewise...going on and on about the old days. My dad held a bible with a picture of Jesus on the cover, given to him by the union representative. As we stood talking – or barely listening, nodding politely, out of the blue this man turns to my husband and asks, "Are you a racist?". Hubby, stunned, says "no". Man says, "Well, I am. I hate the bastards." Dad laughs uncomfortably. I point out – gesturing to bible - that brown skinned Jesus would not be amused. Later, hubby and I shake our heads over the audacity of it. And regret that we didn’t deal with it more forcefully.
Is it just my imagination, or is racism back?
Ever since we adopted our son as a baby from South Korea, I’ve become more acutely aware of racism. Overnight I was transformed from a blue-eyed fair skinned Irish girl to the mother of a brown skinned baby. It changes everything.
And what beautiful brown skin! I’m so fair I have to cover myself head to toe to go into the sun. I envy anyone with melanin. We tease our son and tell him that when he’s "tan" with a towel wrapped around his waist at the beach he looks like a Samoan god. And what gorgeous black eyes he has! How strange and wonderful it was, coming from a blue and hazel eyed gene pool, to write "black" for eyes on his kindergarten paperwork.
He melded into our family. We forgot he looked different. When I finally did get pregnant, my husband tells me his vision of his yet to be born biological child was of a brown-skinned black-eyed Asian. When the boys were little and people asked my younger son – a spitting image of his mother – if his brother was his friend, son #2 would respond with a mixture of disbelief and annoyance, "No, he’s my brother!". Now they play games with it, love to see the reaction they get from unsuspecting acquaintances.
Seven years ago we had the opportunity to move from Arizona, back to the coast. Our choices were Greensboro, NC and San Diego. We chose San Diego, not just for the obvious reasons: sun, sand, climate, but also for the not so obvious reasons; a higher Asian population. There were certain problems with being one of a handful of minority students in a white community. There was also a fear on my husband’s part that plopping a brown-skinned middle-schooler into the south was not a good idea. It was a wise choice.
When our son first joined our family we were naïve...thinking love conquered all and racism was a thing of the past. That wasn’t so long ago. But things seem so different now. Now that he is a young man, I find myself more and more worried for him. It’s a sad thing to have to warn your child that there are people out there who hate him simply because of the color of his skin. Please be careful out there, I remind him over and over again.
I could go on and on about the comments I’ve heard over twenty years. But one in particular, when my son was an infant, disturbed me profoundly. While listening to talk radio, a woman called in, identified herself as a Christian, and (but) stated that she would never allow her child to marry someone of another race (as if she has any say in the matter...we know what HER child will do to defy her!). I was devastated, crushed, so unprepared for the hatred directed at my innocent child.
But I’ve since become accustomed and hardened to it. Now when I hear anything vaguely racist I pounce. But I feel like I’ve had to pounce more lately. A brother in law recently sent a series of e-mail "jokes" with the warning "this might offend". It did, and I’m glad to say I wasn’t the only one, but it was interesting to see his reaction. HE was offended that I was offended! Some of his best friends are black you know!
The NAACP has a "campaign to end campus racism", stopracism@naacpnet.org. They report on their web site that there has been a dramatic increase in acts of racial discrimination and intolerance on college campuses. On college campuses! (Thanks no doubt to the brownshirt young republicans?) And they ask that incidents be reported.
I’ve come to the conclusion that racism takes many forms. Some of it derives from fear and ignorance and many of us work hard to overcome it. My brother-in-law has demonstrated a love and acceptance of my son that has been impressive. And then there are the hard core racists; the man at the wake, Imus, Rush, O’Reilly. Sadly, left with little else to run on, these "patriots" seem intent on ripping this country apart along racial lines. Under the guise of illegal immigration, they’re making it OK to be racist. September 11th unleashed it, "24" reinforces it and now it’s beginning to permeate our entire society. I wonder if a certain political party is trying to make it more palatable for their remaining supporters to accept stealing resources and invading countries and killing the children of brown skinned people? Or are they testing the waters for the upcoming presidential election? Are they using coded racism to influence the election, to bring Obama down?
Twenty years ago I believed that racism was almost dead. But my experiences as a mother of a Korean child and the things I’ve seen and heard lately make me wonder if it might be on the rise. So, consider this a mother’s plea, a call to action. I beseech you all, when confronted with racism of any kind, to pounce on it!