Good news is that I don't seem to be dying. The bad news is that, despite SFGate articles to the contrary, I probably got it from oral sex.
I saw the article, and today I asked one of my doctors. Read on to find out more.
After my radiology follow-up appointment yesterday, my doctor confirmed that the HPV strain found in my lesion was HPV-16. Yes, that's one of the two accountable for 60% or more of cervical cancer. Not only can something as benign as kissing cause the virus to spread, but any dirty hand-to-mouth contact can as well. I pick my teeth, and had a nail biting habit when I was younger, which could easily have led to transmission. In fact, the average time for the oncogenes present in HPV to develop into squamous-cell carcinoma means I probably acquired it very young. It would also explain why the lesion tested positive for one of the oncogenes, but I appear HPV negative (the body can fight HPV off, unlike herpes simplex).
Most strains, including the ones that causes cervical cancer and genital warts, are present in anywhere from 50-80% of the earth's population. The linked article is confusing (at least) 100 different strains of HPV and treating them as the same virus (they aren't) in some paragraphs, and in others trying to state that all genital strains cannot infect the mouth, and vice-versa (also false). However my crack radiation oncologist explained that the strain I likely had, 16, is the nasty one. She also explained I didn't need to panic, as oral-to-genital transmission would have likely been zero. It was far more likely that I acquired the virus from nail biting and poor hand sanitation when I was a toddler, and had fought the virus off before I became sexually active.
The problem with real problem with HPV is that it's so damn prevalent. Yes, so far, nearly all the nasty strains of HPV that raise cancer risk (or can outright cause a disease that leads to cancer) are sexually-transmitted. However, sexual contact is not the only way to spread these strains. And while many sex-opponents are right that safe sex practices do not prevent HPV (it helps, some), abstinence does not prevent it either!
Let me repeat this: not even abstinence is a fool-proof method of preventing HPV-16. Around 3% of toddlers (me most likely included) show infection with HPV-16 in the oral cavity. Most people fight off HPV with no effects and have no trace of the virus. Some of us aren't so lucky.
And while radiation therapy, chemotherapy, and surgery looks like they may have saved my life, they have destroyed my neck mobility, permanently altered my sense taste and smell, caused a rupture of my septum, killed my saliva glands, softened my teeth, reduced my esophageal circumference, and left me with very visible and wicked cool scars across my neck, chest, and arms (lymph node removal, and a portocath and other circulatory implants). Even the 3 months without solid foods and two weeks in the hospital with three bacterial infections (infected portocath, infected throat, and something else) are not worth the questionable learning experience of denying a child Gardasil. Sure, maybe Damocles' sword will keep your daughter from having sex, but will it stop her from kissing? Will it stop her from biting her fingernails? Will it stop her from licking her finger after she puts it in the cookie dough? And what about your son, does he deserve what I have gone through at the age of 27, just because as a three-year-old he couldn't keep his damn hands out of his mouth?
Never, ever let willful ignorance stifle compassion. Every time you hear an argument against HPV vaccination, or how all welfare spending is wrong, and how consumer protection doesn't really help anyone and gets in the way of innovation, do not be afraid to confront the argument and debunk it. Explain that nobody deserves to suffer like this, no matter their mistakes. Explain that ignorance will never excuse evil.