Ever ponder about what the NSA and FBI drones whose current career profile is: "Monitor of Left Wing Blogsites for Treasonous or Incendiary Speach" must be thinking as they scroll through endless diaries and postings? Well, as I am having a slow morning, I have wondered how these poor lads and lassies manage. How does it feel to work for the most insidiously destructive administration in the history of the country? What are the triggers that require them to open a file for me or chumley's mom? Here's my take.
"Mornin Bob. Mornin Sara. So, which site have I pulled today? Damn, not DKos again. I hate monitoring DKos. I don't have TU status so I keep missing those damned Hidden Comments."
"Uh, George, you are NSA, you don't need the damned TU status, just break the goddamned code."
"Oh, yeah, right. Got any donuts? Oh, hee, I mean Krispy Creme, not, you know, donuts like TR donuts, never mind.
"O.k. let's see what we've got here. Hmm, Open Thread, damn, I hate that one, I have to read through all the comments to find one or two maybes. What else do we have here? Ah, Kos is back from paternity leave, sweet! That should be good for a few rants to add to his file. Dang, Michael Moore was liveblogging yesterday, I love that guy . . . I mean, bastard, he's making the Commander in Chief look bad again. Doesn't he have a whole file cabinet by now?
"Gonzo diaries -- hell, there are a million of those and basically, everything seems pretty accurate. Wolfy's out so no more on him until he gets that interim appointment. Hey, Bob, Wolfowitz is still set for the Prime Minister of England job, right? O.k. just checking. Traffic should get heavy after that. What are you working on?"
"I friggin' pulled Atrios -- I never can figure out what's going on there and I hate haloscan. What's a wanker, by the way? Sara's got Firedoglake and even she's sick of those broads tearing into the Administration. It's insidious because they write well. Nattering nabobs of negativism. Man, I'm glad that damned Libby trial is over with."
"Hellooo. Here we go. Looks like these monkeys found incriminating records that may be a smoking gun for TurdBlossom. Man I can't stomach that bastard, but I've got a job to do. Some clown with the user name of drational has a bunch of insurrectionists and they've organized all the documents and some leaked ones. So, what's the job I've gotta do, Bob?"
"Well, George, if you had read the manual, you'd know your job is to crash the site, open a file, find out who the commie drational is and waterboard him to find out who his friends are."
"Oh, yeah, right, but this is pretty funny. You should read some of the comments. Heeheee, this is a scream. They actually have pictures, phone records and unredacted emails. Oh, my God, they're gonna take him down, they've got the evidence. Heeeeee, I can't believe it, they're gonna take the whole damned adminstration down -- Bwaaaahaaaaaa!"
"Uh, George . . . ."
"Bwaaaahaaaahaaaa. . . . these guys are geniuses -- you've gotta see this, it's hilarious. No, it's brilliant!"
"George, are you gay? Just say you're gay and Director Alexander can just fire you for obvious cause -- the bad performance schtick isn't working for us any more."
So, Hello to all you NSA and FBI lurkers out there and when you get home with your own computer, join the real party.