I hear a lot about Jack Bauer. I've never watched "24," but I am impressed that this fictional character has legitimized torture for a majority of the American public. The propaganda machinery that produced Mr. Bauer is versatile, and it is useful to consider what future uses it might find. Now that torture has been moved from the taboo to the acceptable column, we should consider what fresh taboos can be removed from American society.
How about extermination? Surely, the utility of mass murder has not escaped the attention of our Military Industrial Complex and the politicians who service it. With our army getting pecked to death in Iraq, there must be a powerful desire to unsheath the nuclear sword and strike mighty blows at America's enemies. Let's consider how Jack Bauer could sell extemination to America.
From what I have heard, the two active ingredients of the Jack Bauer method of taboo destruction are manliness and urgency. If you can make killing huge numbers of enemies appear "manly" and "necessary" you can make mass murder positively appealing. So let's get to work on some good Jack Bauer extermination story lines. First, we have to give Jack a promotion, to make him President Gingrich's national security adviser.
1. Jack massacres jihadis invading Saudi oil fields. The inevitable collapse of the Saudi monarchy occurs and public order breaks down in Saudi Arabia. The Saudis lose control of their borders, and jihadists swarm into the country declaring their intention of seizing the oil fields and establishing a revolutionary republic, hostile to America. Jack tells the President that only one thing can stop the jihadi hordes from choking off our oil supply: a neutron bomb strike. The President starts sweating and waffling, but manly Jack tells him that nuking people is much more humane than gouging their eyes out, and the survivors will praise Gingrich for saving them from the jihadis. The clinching argument is that America's very EXISTENCE is at stake, because large vehicles, house, and hamburgers depend on the flow of Saudi oil.
2. Jack nukes Pakistani city concealing terrorist plotters. Jack brings the president news that terrorists are completing assembly of a nuclear device in the pakistani port of Karachi, a city of 10 million people. There is no time to go searching house-to-house. The deadly cargo could be slipped onto a ship in a few hours. Only a nuclear strike can ensure that the bomb never makes it to America. Jack squints hard and asks the president if he is man enough to do it? We already know the answer. This is a matter of NATIONAL SURVIVAL.
3. Jack nukes suspected Bin Laden hideouts. The evil Bin Laden is tracked to a lair in the Northwest terrirtories of Pakistan. But the cagey devil keeps moving, and Army troops can't snare him. Jack proposes a bold plan to drop a dozen tactical nukes on the entire region sheltering Bin Laden to disrupt his evasive tactics and possibly kill him outright. The President likes the bold, manly aspects of the plan, which will include shock-and-awe coverage of the attack fed to the cable news networks. Bin Laden's death will be proclaimed, even if his remains cannot be located. Gingrich will tell the nation that Bin Laden was a threat to our EXISTENCE as a free nation.
So, you see, Jack Bauer can help us exterminate millions of people. The writers are just waiting for the word from Washington to erase the silly taboo against mass murder that is preventing America from fulfilling its imperial destiny as master of the world.