I swore not to get involved in primary presidential politics prematurely and, with this diary, I don't think I have, now that we've got official debate type things underway. This is why I feel perfectly at ease in giving my full and public endorsement to a presidential candidate.
I have thought long and hard about this decision, so if you will follow me below the fold, I will present my rationale for why I selected who I did before naming my choice.
First, I had to take into account the precedents put forth by this administration and the fact that future administrations rarely give back the power usurped by previous ones.
In terms of one of these precedents, I needed to find the one candidate who would use warrentless wiretapping to the greatest public good, perhaps developing a national health care system paid for through insider trading that resulted from information gleaned in said wiretaps.
Second, I had to take into account our increasing international isolation and the elections of conservative governments in Germany and France. A liberal President could lead to a severe shortage of cheese, wine, beer, and sausage. We need a President who isn't afraid to say that America has damn good beer, and Chicago and Milwaukee can produce sausage that creams the pants off those Krauts! As for cheese, Velveeta will suffice in most instances and wine I won't bother with since Europe has had to massively import American vines to contend with wasps or something.
Third, Immigration policy is extremely important to me. And I, for one, would like to see our government continue with the proposed wall on our southern border with one minor modification. I say we build it out of volley-ball nets and hold the largest beach-volley ball tournament in the history of the world. I'm sure all of those red neck sons-of-bitches would love to see scantily clad women (or men) jumping and frolicking. After calls to each of the candidates (Democratic and Republican) I was finally able to determine which candidate best supports this stance.
Finally, the most important issue to me, and perhaps to many Americans, the normalization of human-manatee relationships. While I don't share this preference, how many untold tens must walk around with the shame at the public attitude towards their preference for man on manatee intercourse?
Tellingly, every single candidate's office hung up when I asked this question (although one staffer Rudy's office said "How did THAT get out?! Where did you hear that!!" before the line went dead).
Actually, none of this matters to me. I want a President who is intelligent and articulate be it a Democrat or Republican, at least we won't be a laughing stock.
Failing that, I'd at least want one I could stand to watch with the mute button on. So, who am I endorsing for President of the United States of America? Someone most men in the U.S. (or the world for that matter) would give their left arm to share a beer with.
My official endorsement for President of the United States is....
This lady: