I had really hoped to avoid writing this diary, but I've come to the proverbial rock and a hard place and I would greatly appreciate any advice the community could give me.
This is just a short intro. I also apologize for cluttering up the blog with this diary, as there's no specific issue attached to it.
My explanation is below.
In February my 72 year old Grandfather was diagnosed with stomach cancer, and I was told just before I left to Germany, which was about a week before his operation. It turned out they had to remove half of his stomach and I think a small section of colon.
Needless to say, his condition is terminal. He's currently between his 2nd and 3rd rounds of chemo and has lost about 40 lbs (aided by his loss of stomach capacity). He's still really upbeat and positive, and had fun planning out his funeral.
My problem lies in the timing of the funeral. I don't know when I would prefer for him to die. I don't mean like a specific date, but rather whether I want him to succumb quickly and with relatively little pain or that he fight it out like my other grandpa did with his lymphoma, with a hospital stay of 8+ months before coming home to die.
He has a lot to live for. One of my cousins will be a goalie for the Minnesota Gophers this season, I'll be graduating college in December, and I have two other cousins graduating high school in the next two years. He loves being involved in our lives and I know he'll fight for each and every important moment he can get.
But the more he fights to see all of these things, the more likely he'll be unable to enjoy them, and that pains me. I'm in a moral dilemma and I don't know what to think. I feel greedy, selfish, and morbid with either thought; and, as an atheist, I really only have this community at the moment for guidance, since I'm not going to go to a priest/religious leader and this isn't a topic my family really wants to discuss, as they're trying to make the most of the time they have left while all I can do is wait for news and think about it.
Also, there are many of us here who have gone/are going through similar experiences in their own families and can probably relate a bit better to what I'm going through.
Again, I'm really sorry to clutter a political blog with this diary, but I needed to get this off my chest. Any advice and appropriate tag suggestions would be welcome.
Update [2007-6-10 15:37:21 by guyermo]:
I just want to thank you for your advice and support. I can't really think of a better way to say thanks or tell you just how much it's helped, but it has. Thank you.