This sucks. Just because the Republicans don't have any good (or trustworthy, or smart, or respectable) cadidates, they think they can just pluck some yahoo from Hollywood who happens to be politically conservative and make him the next Reagan? Like that's anything to be proud of!
It's time we put an end to this. As much as I like the fact that the Democratic field is looking like the 2004 Pistons and the Republicans are looking like the 2007 Trailblazers, I'm sick and tired of the standard cosmetic candidate that the GOP trots out. And I'm equally sick that they can get away with putting up third-rate Alex P. Keaton wannabes while we get scrutinized over every outfit and haircut.
It's time to fire with fire. It's time for...the "counter-candidate."
"What is the counter-candidate?" you may ask? It's a candidate whose only role is to counter the superficial attributes Republicans believe the American people will vote on. Things like looks, sex appeal, sounding tough...crap like that. We'll still have Hillary, Obama, Edwards and the crew doing their thing, but our CCs will deflect the hype of the "info-tainment" that was once know as political news & punditry. This way, bobbleheads like Chris Matthews can have fantasies about spooning Democrats as well as Republicans!
Now, before I go on, let me say this: I can understand why some Republicans have chosen Fred Thompson as their guy. Alot of the older ones remember that Reagan served two terms as president, and he was an actor too. So in their minds they're thinking, how can we lose? And beyond that, people even older remember how Nixon lost to Kennedy. See, to that crowd it had nothing to do with Kennedy's honesty or Nixon's shady paranoia; it was all about Kennedy's looks. So between those two guys (Nixon and Reagan) "image" jumped to the Top Three in "What Makes a GOP Candidate Electable."
With that said, I have my first proposed counter-candidate. Since Fred Thompson's all the rage in Fantasy Conservatism Land, I decided that we could use a guy who's also an actor. And Southern...not just Southern, let's get a Texan (to really make 'em squirm). And how about someone who's actually done something with Thompson so the connection will be more solid?
Now granted, I don't know this person's politics, so getting him to throw his hat in may be difficult. But I figure since (1) his sole purpose will be to mock Thompson and (2) for Pete's Sake, he's an actor, it shouldn't be that big of a deal. Hey, if Bloomberg can switch from Democrat to Republican to independent, why couldn't this guy?
So with further ado, let me present to you: Joe Don Baker!
Take a look at that...doesn't he just look presidential? Of course, from hence forth his name will be "J.D. Baker" (sounds tougher, doesn't it?) and all copies from the movie Joe Dirt must be destroyed. After that's done, we just work on his excellent actor-to-politician credentials.
Yeah, yeah, yeah; I know: "Fred Thompson played a lawyer!" Screw that. J.D. has played a C.E.O. of a major company. He's hung out with most famous spy in the world (twice!). As a cop, he's dealt with race relations.
Speaking of tough: J.D. was the original Walking Tall Guy. "Speak softly and carry a big stick" indeed.
And like I said before, they both starred in the same movie once. Watch it again and you'll see how J.D. just steals the show.
Yes; I think we have a good first counter-candidate for the GOP "Image Is Everything" Machine.
One drawback though: Thompson's taller. Hey, you can't win everything.