As Bush blabbers through his press conference on the television behind me, I am becoming increasingly sick to my stomach.
Helen Thomas has just asked Bush why he wouldn't end the war in Iraq today by sending in UN peacekeepers, and boldly accused him of being responsible for increasing Al Qaeada's presence in Iraq. His wayward response? "I was hoping to solve this issue diplomatically... that's why I went to the United Nations." I thought for once he was going to actually answer her questions. But he's already said "defeat them there so we don't have to face them here," so nothing new will come of that.
Based on Bush's criteria for "satisfactory" progress in Iraq, so long as he believes we have a chance to succeed, we will.
Again, he has divided the American people (and now politicians) into two camps: those who believe the fight is lost (us) and those who believe the fight can be won (him and his friends). But the truth is, eight is less than half of 18. We are FAILING on more than half of the 18 benchmarks. 44% success, if you count "satisfactory" performance as indicative of success.
Based on what I've learned today from Bush's press conference, I would like to take this opportunity to write a brief but important letter to my 9th grade geometry teacher, Mrs. Lopez.
Dear Mrs. Lopez,
Hi there! I'm not sure you remember me, but I was in your 3rd period freshman geometry class 12 years ago.
I'm certain you watched Bush's press conference today (fascinating stuff!) on how well we're doing over in Iraq.
Well back in 1995, I received a 54% on your final exam, which no doubt you remember because you felt the grade warranted a call to my parents who, as a result, sent me to a math tutor over summer vacation. You gave me an 'F' based on the fact that I failed to meet the benchmarks you'd set for success in geometry, including mastery of the Pythagoreon(sp) Theorm and ability to find the rise of a triangle. I'm writing to you today to point out to you that, based on the president's new definition of success, a 54% no longer qualifies as a failing grade! As anything below a 43% now qualifies as failing, I believe you owe me an apology and are obligated to amend my grade to a low C-. Feel free to contact me for my parents' telephone numbers (they're divorced now, no doubt thanks to the undue stress you caused them 12 years ago) so that you can clarify to them your new position on my geometric achievements.
Sincerely yours,
Girl Zero
Oh, Bush just said, in response to a reporter's question, "Congress' main involvement in this war is to provide funds for the troops." I can't wait for the Democratic rebuttal!