GOD, IN A MOVE SURE TO PLEASE REPUBLICANS AND BOLSTER FUNDRAISING EFFORTS, HAS AUTHORIZED THE PARTY TO SELL INDULGENCES
Cheerleader of the Republican Party, Pezident George Bush toady announced that god had told him its OK to sell indulgences in the party's name. Indulgences are the equivalent of a Pestilential pardon or divine forgiveness. The proceeds may go to the general campaign fund or be channeled to faith-based ngo's.
The US Treasury will issue Indulgences in a Crime Edition and a Sin Series.
The Crime Edition covers civil and criminal offenses:
Perjury's a bargain at $1000.00 per felony.
Bribery's a little more dear at $10,000.00.
Free bribery indulgences will be thrown-in with HUMMER purchases.
Political assasination tops them off at $100,000.
The punishment fits the crime.
Sin Series indulgences get you off for violating the Ten Commandments (or something)
$666,666.00. One price fits all!!!
Pay off the Judge and the decimal point moves left.
For $250,000 a miscreant may buy a retroactive indulgence to absolve a past violation. Fortunately Senator Vitter with his direct line to god doesn't need one. He's already been forgiven. Jack Abramoff and Scooter Libby, among others, are rumored to be contacting friends to start a fund. Could Tom DeLay be next?
Supremes Court Justice John (Diana) Robots will administer the program due to his familiarity with historical practices of his faith.
All questions should be addressed to the Batican.