DATELINE CHICAGO:
So there I was, loyal volunteer on litter patrol -- when you've got 1500+ bloggers in one place, there's bound to be garbage (though some was recyclable, it turned out).
I picked up one wrinkled piece of lined paper, and would've put it in my bag...but I noticed it smelled like cheap perfume. Tabu, maybe -- or could've been Wind Song; the kind of stuff I used to give my mom when I was a kid, and she'd thank me profusely...then stick the bottles way in the back of her underwear drawer (we found most of them when we cleared out the house after she died).
I turned it over, and found the following scribbled in red pen:
TO: FalafelKing
FROM: UndercoverAngel
SUBJ: YearlyKos Infiltration
DATE: August 2, 2007
TIME: 9:00pm
Dearest Billy,
I still can't believe you'd send me to this God-forsaken city to conduct your investigative reporting. Why, I haven't found a decent Mediterranean food place anywhere!
Okay, if you're going to be that way, here's my report.
So far, no one seems to be hip to my identity. I've gotten a few questions about something called a "screen name", but I came up with the perfect alibi: I'm now a "lurker", whatever that is, and that seems to kill the curiosity. I've also learned how to name-drop; that week you had me reading over there really did the trick. I can mention the "wisdom" of people like Hunter, McJoan and Bill In Portland Maine with the best of the bunch.
You know, these hate groups are getting awfully sneaky. I've looked and haven't seen a single brown shirt or white sheet -- just a lot of orange. And they've done a great job at camouflage; most of them look just like normal people like doctors, lawyers, housewives, even (gasp!) journalists! (Not like YOU, though, you big hunk of loofah love!)
But tonight, at the opening strategy session, it got really scary. I wanted to walk out when that mean Sam Seder made fun of you up on stage, and then there were two supposed "comedians" who said bad things about the President -- not everyone can be Dennis Miller, I guess.
The scariest part was yet to come, though. That nutcase, Howard Dean, spoke -- and you were right; these folks won't stop at anything short of the violent overthrow of our government. They've even got a name for their dastardly plan -- aren't you proud of me for learning that word? Anyway, their plan is called..."VOTING." Can you imagine that?
They're even looking for their cohorts in Congress to put their stamp of approval to their scheme -- something called HR 811 or whatever, I was too shocked to get too many details. But I found out later that this could totally derail our friend Karl Rove's plans for a permanent Republican majority -- I mean totally RUIN them, not just this little blip we suffered last November.
Anyway, you might want to look at that bill and see what you can do to strengthen the backbones of the few Republican friends you have left. And keep up the good work of exposing crazies like the folks in Chicago. I'm going to duck out and go shopping at Bath & Body Works tomorrow, honey...I saw a new loofah there, and I know EXACTLY where I'm going to stick it!
Love,
Angel
The page was stained with red wine and bright red lipstick.
Okay, so it's up to you -- we're stuck here in Chicago, while O'Reilly and his minion are out there trying to derail us. Write your Congressperson and tell them to do what they can to get HR 811 passed, so we can have at least a small chance at a fair election in 2008.