I'm a small business owner, serving other small businesses.
I am also a member of a couple of networking groups with other small business owners, and a boardmember in some of them. They are my friends, regardless of political stripes.
Recently, one of these groups was joined by a rabid anti-union employment lawyer. He advertises that he specializes in defeating unionization, or, as he puts it, "Development and implementation of the employer's strategy to defeat a union in an organizing campaign". Needless to say, he did not get my vote, and I make a point of not shaking his hand.
Next week, I have been invited to speak to that group, and would appreciate some assistance in what to say. This speech is supposed to be primarily about my business and the group. But I also want to use the opportunity to, very carefully, highlight just how offensive I find his presence, without actually offending anybody else or tearing the group apart over it. Ideally, I want him to leave the group.
That's where I need help: what should I say?
I have a total of seven minutes to speak, and of primary concern is that I do not offend anybody present (except for him).
I could talk about how I came to start my own business, how I was exploited as an employee (the employer still owes me money) and wished I had had a union to turn to.
I could talk about my customers seem to follow a pattern, those who treat their employees well also pay on time and support my work for them. Those who communicate with their employees through a lawyer cut corners elsewhere, too, and are too troublesome for me to deal with.
I could talk about why unions are good for the country. But that would probably offend some people who disagree, and be a bit off topic.
I could crack a couple lawyer jokes. But there are other lawyers in the group, who are my buddies.
I could point blank accuse him of breaking the NLRA or some other law (if indeed he crosses that boundary). That would require serious proof on my part, though.
Or I could pretend to be wise and not do anything.
Any other ideas?
Update: Thanks for all the suggestions! Here is what I'm thinking about saying. It's not finished, and it misses many of the excellent suggestions from the comments.
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Let me tell you a story.
There was this young kid from a country far, far away. Let's call him Pierre, just so he has a name.
Pierre came to the USA when he not even 18, and fell in love with the most amazing country in the world. Right then and there, he decided that this would be his new home.
Well, life is more complicated than this, so Pierre had to go back. He studied, he worked hard, and he spend all his money and his nine weeks of annual vacations, figuring out how to come to the USA.
Eventually, he was allowed to return. All Pierre had to do was find an employer and work for them until he was allowed to stay permanently.
That turned out to be difficult. At first, the employer treated Pierre fairly. But soon, the paychecks started coming irregularly. He was pressured to work more and more hours. He was pressured to lie to customers. He grew frustrated. But he had nowhere to turn; this was not the kind of company that would allow a union to form. Complaining would have meant deportation. He developed depression.
At the same time he found that working extremely long hours, he accomplished less than he did in his previous 40-hour job in a unionized company. But it didn't matter, the customers didn't pay for getting things done, they paid for hours, so he was told to continue just working these hours. The customers would never know that they didn't get what they paid for.
But there is a happy ending to this story. Eventually, he was allowed to stay in America.
And he started his own business, became an American, and changed his name to Jim.
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Most of you have some customers that you love, and some that do nothing but complain.
(dry cleaner), I'm sure you have a lot of customers who treat your clothes well. And you may also have the kind such as Roy Pearson, a judge no less, who sued a drycleaner for $67 million dollars over a pair of lost pants.
(dentist), you have patients who brush and floss daily and walk out of your office smiling. And you probably have patients who don't take good care of their teeth, but at least treat you decently. And you may also have some patients who never brush, and then complain about the treatment being too painful.
(cabinet maker), I'm sure you have some customers who want to have a completely unrealistic kitchen remodel, and later do nothing but complain.
I see the same thing in my business. Some customers "get it" and are willing to invest in solid infrastructure. The same customers usually have the fewest problems. Amazingly, they also pay well and on time. And then there are other customers who want to spend only the minimum possible. They tend to call with problems on a very frequent basis. They are also the same customers who tend to pay late and complain.
In Business Administration, you are taught to distinguish between A, B and C customers.
As a businessman, I want to have A clients.
What I found is that my old employer would have ended up as a C client. Maybe D.
In some cases, a C customer can put you out of business. Rubbermaid learned that the hard way when Walmart became their primary customer.
There seems to be a strong correlation between companies who treat their employees well, and companies who treat their vendors well. A company who needs a lawyer to talk to their employees does not make a good customer for me.
That is why I pay attention to how my customers treat their employees. A good referral for me would be any unionized business, any business that gives generous vacations or benefits.
In fact, I just recently introduced special terms for unionized businesses.