It's rough being on the private guest list of frequent diners at the White House. It starts out looking like you're part of the real inner circle. But before you can say "Texas Barbecue" you may find out that you're the entree, not the guest. Such is the lot of Alberto Gonzales, sycophant extraordinaire. His resignation today is but a symbol of the cost of ungoverned loyalty to someone who doesn't deserve it.
Poor, poor, Alberto. He's now gone the way of Donald Rumsfeld, Harriet Miers, General Peter Pace and a whole host of other Bush appointees (we won't count Rove, he'll still be there, just in hiding) that gained their position by virtue of being a loyal tool of Commander Codpiece. Time and again we've seen BushCo appoint it's favorite playmates to positions of power that they have not earned through merit, only to be thrown under the bus when it finally becomes beyond obvious that they are incompetent (or at the very least feigning incompetence for the good of the cause), and can only continue to do damage to the devious agenda of their King. While Gonzales falls into this category for sure, he holds the dubious honor of falling into yet another class that continues to grow. There's no doubt that Alberto has one foot planted in the category of loyal sycophant, but now he's planted the other into that now burgeoning category occupied by the likes of Scooter Libby and Lt. Gen. Stanley McChrystal (of the Pat Tillman friendly fire memo fame) who have been thrown on Bush's myriad land mines. He's now up to one ankle in the category of scapegoat.
Let's face it. Gonzo's been taking a beating. While he's been busy uttering "I cannot recall" to one Congressional committee after another, all manner of scorn has been heaped on his grinning head. Cries of "Impeach!!!" have been shouted far and wide, he's been vilified on the pages of every credible newspaper, website and political talkshow throughout the land. And he's deserved every bit of it. But at the end of the day, where does the real blame belong?
An examination of the Scooter Libby case should have been a cautionary tale for poor Gonzo. Scooter lied, no two ways about it. He was in the thick of the manipulations that characterized Plamegate. But at the end of the day, we all know that the real culprits in the Scooter Libby saga were none other than Dick Cheney and Karl Rove. Libby was used as cover, tossed to Patrick Fitzgerald like you'd toss a bone to a pitbull. And Libby, loyal to the end, sucked it up and took the punishment, knowing that no real consequence would be forthcoming for his illegal actions, knowing that by doing so he would be letting the real criminals escape without punishment. Scooter is not the only one to take a share of the blame for the scandalous behavior of the Unitary Executive and Forthbranch, but he is by far the most notable. Until now.
Now we have Gonzo. The spinmeisters are out there blathering away today about what a wonderful human Gonzo is, a true patriot that has been vilified by the left in general and the Democratic Congress in particular. You can see them tapdancing like crazy on any number of political talkshows today, spinning and twirling around such obvious obscenities as the now infamous 'torture memo', the incredible politicization of the Justice department as evidenced by the attorney firings scandal, and the midnight visit to a debilitated John Ashcroft in an attempt to slide through illegal spying on American citizens.
The latter is enough to warrant a horror movie in and of itself. I can picture a pale, wan, listless John Ashcroft, all hopped up on painkillers and propped up in a chair as the ever obsequious Gonzales shuffles forward, pen and paper in hand, lobotomy-induced grin screwed firmly into place. "Master, the body, I mean document, is ready!!", he breathes. "Begone!!", Ashcroft, no slouch in the evil minion department himself, gasps as he waves his feeble hand. You know you've sunk to the very depths of hell when you bring forward something so invasive that even John Ashcroft won't sign off on it, even in a drug and pain induced state. It's a fascinating tale, if only for its grotesquery.
Alas, my plans for this little movie have now been dashed as the talking heads trumpet the praises of Gonzo while obscuring the depth of evil and stupidity that are at the heart of the real story. Our Feckless Leader was out speechifying on how unfair we've all been to poor Gonzo, and that is the lead-in to all the stories I've heard throughout the day. It was the preamble to all that spinning and twirling that's going on by the punditry, who are out there singing Gonzo's praises. It's the surest sign that the carcass is bare, the bones have been picked clean. Just a little music and dancing after dinner.
"So long, Fredo, we hardly knew thee." Well, that's not true, we know way more about him than we ever hoped to know. We know that he's a sycophant, a not-very-good lawyer that made his way to the top legal authority in the land by virtue of keeping his nose firming up Bush's ass, by doing all the dirty little jobs that no one with a conscience or a mind of his own would ever have considered doing. It's a no secret that he was in way over your head, that he wasn't even remotely qualified for such an important job. As John Dean so eloquently put it, "Frankly, I have a degree of sympathy for Alberto Gonzales, who I suspect is a terrific Texas real estate attorney." It's too bad that he didn't have enough conscience or dignity to decline being used by this evil pack of thieves. His carcass will now be tossed to the wolves lurking outside the back door of the White House, where he will disappear entirely only to return as fertilizer for the new crop of Turdblossoms that will be sprouting throughout the upcoming campaign season.
Of course, now we move on to who will replace poor Gonzo. What new political climber will be foolish enough to accept the job, who will step over Gonzo's crumbs on their way to becoming just another frontman for all that is twisted and evil in the Bush Administration? We'll all be waiting with baited breath to find out, I'm sure. But I would caution whoever is foolhardy enough to be very discriminating in his choice of dinner companions. I would suggest never accepting an invitation to dinner at the White House. These guys really know how to eat their own.....