(Tehran, Abbreviated Press)
Following the reported mishandling of several nuclear Tomahawk Cruse Missiles, the Abbreviated Press has learned that Senator Joseph Lieberman (I, Thumbuphisass) has dropped a nuclear weapon on Iran.
Continuation of this barking story below.
A spokesperson for Senator Lieberman stated, "President Bush was just handing them out and given the imminent threat posed by Iran and this Administration's inaction, Senator Lieberman bravely took matters into his own hands." It is believed that the impending loss of his leadership positions following next year's elections may have pushed the senator to take this drastic action.
The Department of Defense has declined to comment on these reports. Senior members of the Pentagon, believe that a second, unknown B-52 may have taken off from Minot and hijacked by the Senator.
Sources in the Air Force wishing to remain anonymous due to the incredible illegality of these actions have provided photographic evidence that Senator Joseph Lieberman may have perished in the attack.
These sources also mentioned that prior to hopping onto the bomb, Senator Lieberman had been quietly humming The Battle Hymn of the Republic to himself for hours, as well as stockpiling samples of his "precious bodily fluids."
So far the Iranian government has been unreachable, even though available evidence indicates the bomb did not detonate in the vicinity of Tehran.
White House Spokeswoman Dana Perino released this cryptic written statement on behalf of President Bush:
I didn't start the fire. It was always burning while the world was turning. Also, the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. Yippee Ki-yay mother fuckers!
An explanation of this statement was not forthcoming.
This story shall be updated as more information becomes available.