Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ:
I got my advance copy of tomorrow's USA today and I'm posting it here to show an example of how our holy President, George Walker Bush(pbuh), is being threatened. I am trusting in THE LORD JESUS CHRIST that you will pass this along to your followers so that they will ensure all good republicans vote!!!
AL QAEDA HURTS AMERICA ON 9/11 ANNIVERSARY
by Merkin Muffley
WASHINGTON (AP) - The CIA has declassified a short voice-mail message left by Osama bin Laden on the White House phone. The message, which voice analysis specialists confirm was indeed left by the Al Qaeda leader, was translated from Arabic and reads:
"Greetings, O Infidel President! Thank Allah I did not attack you yesterday, for it means that Americans will feel a false sense of security and the Democrats will win at which point, I will attack! Muahahahahahahaha! I hate freedom! Muahahahahahahaha! Your Jesus is stupid! Muahahahahahahaha! Praise Allah! Smell ya later!"
A second, much shorter message followed:
"I forgot to tell you that I am twirling my moustache. I know you can't see it, but it's twirling. Muahahahahahaha!"
Departing White House press secretary paused from moving out of the cardboard box he's been living in since taking the low-salaried position to make a brief statement:
"The President is opposed to terrorism and all those who instigate it, but thinks Osama made a pretty good point. Vote Thompson 2008!"
Vice President Cheney, who was in the area on his annual 'kick the homeless' tour of the nation's capital, chimed in with a gruff, "Vote!" or it could have been a belch or grunt.