Call it snark, satire, whatever you wish. Hopefully enough of the following works for you. Let's begin:
Bernard Kouchner, France's foreign minister apologizing after saying Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki should resign:
"It's not the French foreign minister's role to decide who will or not become a prime minister in another country,"
Our take: Right on buddy, that's the U.S.'s role so butt out you cheese-swilling surrender money.
George Bush on the resignation of our country's top legal official Alberto Gonzales:
"It's sad that we live in a time when a talented and honorable person ... is impeded from doing important work because his good name was dragged through the mud."
Our take: You have your choice here. Pick one. George Bush is talking about:
*** the Swift-boating of John "He Shot Himself In Vietnam To Get A Medal" Kerry during the 2004 presidential campaign?
*** triple amputee/Vietnam War vet Democratic incumbent Max "He's Breaking His Oath To Protect And Defend The Constitution" Cleland during his U.S. 2000 senatorial race against Republican challenger Saxby "My Bad Knee Prevented Me From Serving" Chambliss in Georgia?
*** Alberto "Quaint My Man, The Geneva Convention is Quaint" Gonzales?
AND
David Sanger writing in Wednesday's New York Times:
"What might prompt Iraq's political leaders to make the kind of political accommodations in the next year that they have refused to make during the troop increase?"
Pick the response you like best:
*** Ann Coulter - 'The bedwetter homos that constitute the Democratic Party should be rounded up and sent to where they belong ... Iran ... Oh, oh, what is that ... a dark hair? Ahhhhgggg!! My roots are showing.'
*** Dick Cheney - 'When we finish with Iran, the Iraqi political leaders will not only have converted to Christianity but will have adopted sister nation status with Israel'.
*** Bill Kristol - 'Two words, atomic bomb'
AND
"Does that (the surge) make America safer?"
-- asked of General David Petraeus this week.
His answer was which of the following. Pick one:
*** 'Safe is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.'
*** Hat tip to Shirley Ellis: 'Okay? Now say SAFE: SAFE ... Now SAFE with a B: BAFE ... Then SAFEnana fanna fo: SAFEana fanna fo ... Then you say the name again with an F very plain: FAFE ... Then a fee fy and a mo: fee fy mo ... Then you say the name again with an M this time: MAFE ... And there isn't any word that you can't mock'
*** 'They attacked us.'
*** "Sir, I don't know, actually."
AND
Finally, here's Joe Lieberman, fresh from his daily market visit in Baghdad and after picking up two additional rugs for Senator Lindsey Graham in the bazaar, asked this of General Petraeus:
Lieberman (changing the subject from Iraq with "I want to go to Iran...") asked ... "Is it time to give you authority, in pursuit of your mission in Iraq, to pursue those Iranian Qods Force operations in Iranian territory, in order to protect America's troops in Iraq?"
Meaning, 'Can we now bomb and invade Iran? Can we? Can we? C'mon, it's just right next door. Oh geesh, I got so excited I just peed in my pants...'
Petraeus replied with, choose one:
*** 'Fuck yes.'
*** 'By all means Senator Lieberman, you get locked and loaded, mount up and we're off to Tehran'
'*** 'With what Senator Lieberman?'
'*** 'Senator Lieberman, please stop getting all jiggy.'
*** Offered by The Cogitator, 100% aided by Forrest Gump: "Stupid is as stupid does"
*** "I think that really the Multinational Force in Iraq should just focus on Iraq and that any kinds of operations outside the borders of Iraq would rightly be overseen by the Central Command."