Dear GOP;
I Thought You Should Know what liberals really think of you.
I hate to break it to you all, but your worst nightmares are true. Liberals really do think you all have useless penises and are compensating by buying big missiles and pointing them at smaller countries and people.
Liberals really do think you should forget all of this killing business and have healthy open and out sex more. If you are not gay, let HER be on top for once. Believe me, it will solve more problems than one.
Those of us who are black know that you cannot dance, but secretly think that's about sex too.
And the rest of us know why you like those exclusive clubs prohibiting any minority or women from playing golf. You secretly are so insecure that you cannot stand to lose even a friendly game, and losing to a woman or minority would amplify your sense of inadequacy unbearably. (Friendly should be in quotes by the way, in your world there is no true fun.)
We pity your children, because they will be straightjacketed into family-values-consistent personalities. They will either adjust to fit the mold or be left behind.
Speaking of "left behind" you think that education only includes reading, writing, and arithmatic. We think it's news to you that the world has changed since the times of "Little House on the Prairie", and that education requires more than being able to take the hogs to market and getting a fair price.
We know that you love competition, but only when you have a secret edge.
We know that you love Jesus, but only so you can get into heaven, and keep the rest of us out.
We know that you love nature, but only so that you can tear it up with noisy ATVs.
A special note to Republican and minority women: I am a bit too PC to say directly what liberals really think of you, but Vichy France comes directly to mind.
And your leaders? They also secretly think these things of you, and take advantage of your fears and inadequacies during elections. They are not the same as you, they are elitists without merit.
Anyhow, I thought you should know all of this.
Sincerely,
Coigue
P.S. Reagan was a lousy president.