UPDATE: Sorry about the John Edwards thing. I just couldn't resist. But at least I haven't lost my sense of humor...
After a lot of thought about it, I'm going to leave Daily Kos for awhile. After my diary of a few days ago, my faith was restored in this community to stick around and contribute. I began to realize that a lot of people felt the same way I did.
And then, yesterday, something happened that clarified for me the problem with this blog right now that left me thinking it is time to leave for a little while.
Yesterday I posted a recommended diary, spun off another discussion about AIPAC. It could have been about defense contractors, big pharma, anything, because the principle I was talking about would have been the same: money in politics is what is hurting our system overall.
In that diary, I was accused of being an anti-Semite. It was veiled, but it was clear. Not so veiled for my wife, who is Jewish, and who read it, and knew it was an accusation of anti-Semitism. Those of you who are trusted users probably are the only ones that can see it now, because it was appropriately troll-rated, but only after an appeal I made in the Open Thread. For those who cannot read it, here is a snippet of that comment:
Don't try and bullshit a bullshitter.
Your rhetoric and language about "Jewish vote" and "black and gay vote" was clearly and obviously designed to (a) diminish the value of Jewish opinion relative to black and G&L opinion and (b) to portray Jews as "money men".
The comment went on to say that I should be that I should be more "tolerant" of Jews.
The comment hurt. It qualified as trollish under two criteria: it was inflammatory, and it was a lie.
Here's why:
I've dealt with anti-Semitism in my life, personally and vicariously. I am a lapsed Catholic married to a Jewish woman who stole my heart for life. I care about her more than anything in this world -- more than politics, more than blogging, anything. I've had a happy marriage for nearly 10 years now.
And I had to deal with crap hearing about it. I was the first person in my generation in my family that did not marry a nice Catholic girl in the Catholic church. So I've heard plenty, whispered and otherwise. Sometimes from within my own family.
I will not subject myself to any implication that I am anti-Semitic. I will not subject myself to any implication that somehow I don't love my family and close friends because they are Jewish. And I won't subject myself to a website, no matter how open the forum, that attracts that kind of bullshit.
Noone should have to appeal in the Open Thread for a defense for that kind of crap. I am appreciative of those who did appropriately troll-rate the comment. But what I've been hearing mostly from well-meaning people is that I should ignore it, it's the price we pay for an open forum, that I should get a tougher skin.
The thing is, I've got a pretty tough skin. As many of you know, I'm an elected official. I've had to deal with plenty of stuff slung my way in my life because of it. While a tiny amount of it hurts, most of it I shrug away, becaue of that thick skin. When we start to imply that one needs a thicker skin to deal with crap on a blog, crap that is far more insidious than anything I've had to encounter in person, I'm at a loss as to what to say.
Let me say too that I'm seeing a problem develop in the self-policing of this great site. Many told me they would have troll rated a comment like this, but for the fact that they are not trusted users. I've been trying to figure out what it takes to earn and maintain a trusted user status on this site this year.
Back when I first started blogging here in late 2004, I had no idea what a trusted user was, or what "mojo" was. After awhile, I learned. It took me months to earn trusted user status. I thought once I got it, I'd have it for good.
Until this year. In the past year, I've lost and regained my trusted user status three seperate times. Never gave it much thought, but I did think it was odd. I've been here awhile and contributed plenty, but I didn't understand how my trusted user status could just disappear so easily.
The last time it went away was a little over a month ago. And the only reason I could see that it went away is because I had not posted for a week. That's right: one week. I understand that desire is to have our trusted users be ones who contribute regularly, but cripes, stuff does come up. People take vacations, have personal issues, etc. This isn't our lives, for goodness sakes. And it took me a lot longer than a week to get my TU status back.
I only bring it up because it is important to the integrity of this site. If we are going to promote the greatness of this open forum we cherish, we better damn sure be ready to have the appropriate mechanisms in place to combat the sort of trash we are attracting because of our heightened status in the blogosphere. Trolls are getting more and more sophisticated, and coming here every day.
We can shrug about it, and say that's the price we pay for an open forum. Or we can do something about it, and make sure that this kind of stuff will not be tolerated.
All I've ever tried to do here is be honest and share. And the people that know me personally know that is who I am, to my core. It's tough exposing yourself like this. But I did it.
But I'm not going to tolerate being accused of something that vile. It borders on slander. I'm not going to have my friends read it, or posterity's sake, any future children I may have, read it. It is vicious and mean and untrue.
I can have my motives questioned on a lot of things, but on this, no way.
This community has given me so much: from supporting me in my political race to inspiring me to keep up the good fight. The only thing I could give in return was to contribute and share. I hope that everyone appreciates at least a little of what I wrote, because it's all I can give.
At the end of the day, though, this IS just a blog. I can make a conscious choice not to expose myself to it. And it gets a lot easier to do so when my character is unjustly attacked as opposed to my ideas.
So I'm taking a break. I hope to come back at a time when things are not so crazy, where the risk one takes in sharing is limited to spirited debate and not personal attacks of the worst kind.
Thanks again for everything. I'll be lurking and reading, but probably not posting for awhile. Not until I get my legs under me again, and not until I'm convinced we are going to be able to face this problem as a community, as we should.