So you and I have been upset at our leadership for a few missteps over the past few months. You might be angry at them for not ending the war, you may have gnashed your teeth at the FISA extension, but we haven't even gotten close to being THIS pathetic .
Over the fold for some truly pathetic drivel...
Keep it Together
Stay in the huddle, boys and girls.
Yeah, I know. We were big for a while. Back in '94, we were on top. BMOC. And in this century, we won narrow, yeah, but we won. Those guys, they got so frustrated, they lost their composure...fielded teams with crazy yells, ascots, weird Vietnam obsessions. They were angry about losing, so they played angry, so they lost.
But then we got sloppy. We got stupid. We drafted some lames, and one or two guys worse than lames - people who didn't deserve to see the field got major minutes. We let people get cocky, and then get stupid. We started fighting over who should get the ball. We started talking behind each others backs. We started demanding bigger contracts - gotta feed the family, ya know? Or maybe buy that yacht.
And you know what they did? They lost so much, they finally fired enough bad coaches and found a few mediocre ones. They didn't get a lot smarter, just a little. Just smart enough to stop thinking squash games, and start thinking NASCAR. Just smart enough to say it was okay if everyone didn't have the same playbook sections on school prayer, on abortion, or guns - never run those plays any more, anyway. Just smart enough to send Heath freaking Shuler after us.
We laughed.
But dammit, they won. You have no idea how much losing can hurt until you've lost to Heath freaking Shuler...
Some of you are all torqued up about who the next guy is gonna be calling the plays. Some of you feel like you don't fit into his scheme, so you're already whining about it, about deserting the team depending on who wears the headset.
Hell, I hear ya. I don't have a lot of confidence in any of these guys they're talking about in the papers. I know I'll get pissed off if they start calling quarterback sneaks every play, I've already got a bum knee.
But you know what? I'm still here. You're still here. And you know what, here's the truth, whoever it is: they ALL need us if they're going to win.
So stop it. Stop the whining, stop the excuses. Stop looking over to that sideline for leadership. You look here, you look in the huddle, you look at your teammates. It's not his job any more to get us on the same page - it's ours.
The Gipper ain't walking through that door. And good thing, too. If he were, he'd be ashamed.
Pull that turf out of your facemask. Get your head in the game. Start thinking about what we can do together when we put our minds to it. What we can do right.
No one else can do that. This is on us. Let's take it back, starting now.
Holy shit. Where to begin?
So after five years of a Rethug Congress and seven of a Constitution shreddin fake cowboy from Texas, they're demoralized. Well join the rest of the fucking country you clueless idiots.
The real problem with this is that the right simply doesn't get it. They just don't understand that they brought this on themselves. It wasn't their Larry Craig, Jack Abramoff, Mary Foley, Tom Delay, Ted Stevens, David Vitter, Bob Ney, John Doolittle scandals, no it wasn't their spying, lying, outing CIA agents, starting wars on false pretenses, sabre rattling, global change denying, evolution supporting positions. See it wasn't the ideology, it was all their leaders fault, leader's missteps. Bad Republican leadership, yeah, that's the problem. They the "average Joe" conservatives never supported those positions. They never sat back and gloated as Democrats lost because of their humping 9/11 on every possible occasion. It's bad leadership. What a joke.
What they really don't get is that their worldview isn't crumbling, it isn't caving, it simply never had a firm foundation in the first place. The ideology of greed and nativism, hate and war, disdain for the constitution, kneecaping of the separation of powers - that has come back to haunt them.
And lucky for us their answer is "all we need to do is get our heads together and get a new 'strategery'".
Give my a fucking break.
They still pray to St. Ronnie. Weak. Frederick of Hollywood puts them to sleep in Iowa, Rudy! will cause a split, St. John of McCain has gone batshit crazy pandering to the batshit crazy fundies, Mitt Romney is hated by the fundie base, and Tom Tancredo... he encapsulates the Republican Conservative ideology. And best of all? The Democratic candidates are out fundraising them!
Sorry, looking into the huddle ain't gonna help when you can't think outside of the box. You can put as many conservative heads together as you want. The problem is you can't avoid reality...the reality that it is your whole world view that is the problem.
I am happy, though, that they still haven't figured out that its the ideology that's wrong. Things look good for 2008. They are in disarray.
So the next time that things look rough and some part of the Democratic leadership shows the spine of a jellyfish, just go back to their conversations and remember - we don't need this sort of pep talk. The energy is on our side, the enthusiasm is on our side, and the American people are on our side and most of all... this is their logo.