There I said it.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for being an asshat. I'm sorry for being a dick. I'm sorry for being a fucktard who was a blooming idiot arguing idiotic points for an idiotic argument.
Yeah, the above should be taken somewhat humorously but it is also an honest, heartfelt apology to anyone on DKos I may have offended in the past and to those who never knew it, who live and breathe and die in those areas who never knew that I argued against their very existence. I'm sorry.
Let's take a trip back in time to July 14th, 2006 when I posted this diary. It was called ISRAEL IS RIGHT! and it was written when the Israeli offensive against Lebanon was in full swing. I was deliberately provocative b/c I was dismayed by an abundance of anti-Israeli diaries and comments I had seen on DKos (in hindsight my anger at some may have caused my eyes to see many that weren't there, exaggerrating the extent of anti-Israeli bias on DKos). I felt that Israel needed defending and so I wrote a stupid diary that used a stupid analogy that worked well in casual conversation with friends, but was absent of deep reflective thought. I supported Israel but was ignoring any nuances to my defense. I was reductionist. I was retarded.
The comments to the above diary really pissed me off. My wife says I have a touch of the zealot in me. When I go off the deep end, I go off the deep end, and I really went way, way, way off the deep end with my next diary on July 15th, 2006. Reading that diary now makes me sick. I can't believe I wrote that trash. I can't believe I wrote it. I consider myself a progressive and it makes my stomach turn and my chest ache to see me advocating a position that denies the existence of an entire group of humanity, that is two breathes from advocating genocide. The venom in my words is sickening. I don't want to see what I looked like as I wrote a diary that demanded the forced expulsion and slaughter of the Palestinian people. If there is a God, forgive me.
The next day I wrote this diary in which I went beyond a juvenile defence of Israel or even my justification of the erasure of the Palestinians by then advocating Israel conduct action that could kill innocents, engulf the entire region in a horrific war and probably lead to the destruction of the state of Israrel. This is me at my uber-zealot best. This is me at my most retarded.
I'm against the Iraq War. I fiercely oppose Bush. I'm pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, and anti-NRA. Yet, I argued such a crazy position on the Arab-Israeli conflict. I advocated the end of a people. I justified preemptive strikes against sovereign nations. I supported WAR. Those were my 3 days of idiocy. My 3 days of rage.
My change of heart was due to a variety of factors. First, I was unable to defend my arguments completely. I think at heart even I didn't really believe them, at least I would like to think that was the case. Second, my wife set me straight and told me that even though she was pro-Israel that their attacks in Lebanon were a little crazy. I had to agree. Third, seeing that the anti-Israeli crowd were pretty much dumped by the DKos crowd at large. There are different elements on DKos, some good, some bad, but for the most part Kossacks are sensible, pragmatic and intelligent. And, finally, seeing that Israel's ventures accomplished nothing and seeing the misery of the Palestinians and allowing myself to feel a little bit of empathy for them. How could I who so fiercely defended the downtrodden, abused groups in our own society deny that same defence for them? Why was I being such an asshat?
I didn't write another diary entry for several months as I wrestled with this. It was difficult for me to purge myself of such blind hate and, let's be real, racism and prejudice. I grew up in south Georgia amongst Confederate Flags and was raised to believe that white is right and blacks are monkeys and so on. I guess such an early education was still inside my heart and brain and that it had now been transferred to another group as I attained my progressive awakening in college during the late '90s. Hate is a bitter pill that endures inside for a lifetime. I think I'm still trying to completely cleanse my system of that hate.
I think the worst part was trekking over the Little Green Footballs and Atlas Shrugs and realizing that I was arguing the same positions as those racist warmongerers, to think that I was basing my arguments on the same intelligence, the same evidence, the same logic as those assclowns. I was sick. I couldn't believe the crowd I found myself associated with.
A lot of comments in those three diaries were very harsh towards me, really harsh in some instances, but I deserved it. I shouldn't have expected polite discourse after advocating such abominable positions. I was called names and erroneous generalizations were made about me, but I deserved it. I brought the tempest upon my own head. I take responsibility.
I want to apologize to those who had to read such trash, who had to argue against such trash. I want to apologize to those, the Palestinian people, for denying their existence, for denying their right to live, work and love in their homes in their own state, for denying their basic right to exist as they choose, as proud Palestinians. I am sorry.
I still believe in the right of Israel to exist. I still believe it has a right to defend itself. However, I also believe that much of their defending has been disproportionate and counterproductive. I also believe in the two state solution and the right of the Palestinians for self-government and to live in peace. I also believe that Israel has to do more to bring that peace and that self-government to reality.
I have changed. It was hard and painful, but I changed. I don't ask for forgiveness, only understanding and acceptance of my humble, honest apologies.
Thank you.