Ken Mehlman, head of the Republican National Committee, announced today that the GOP was changing its name to the "Craven Miscreant Party". Said Mehlman, "We've taken a page from Bill O'Reilly, no more spin, we are what we are and we are going to use it as a strength." Among the differences Americans should expect to see in the CMP is complete and total honesty, for example regarding the NSA wiretapping controversy, new White House Spokesman Tony Snow said today, "We are recording everything you say on the phone and everything you type on a keyboard. What are you going to do about it, take it to the Supreme Court?" Dick Cheney volunteered to the New York Times that,"We never felt Iraq was a threat but there was no way people were going to re-elect us on our merits. Damn, that felt great to get that off my chest! I haven't felt this good since I got drunk and shot that guy, no, not that guy, theres one you guys don't know about."
When Karl Rove was asked if he expected fallout politically he seemed ebullient, "Americans are starving for the truth and this is the truth, we are a party of corruption planning on establishing an oligarchy. Look, we are a bunch of closet homosexuals who used homophobia to get out the vote in the last election, why would anything we do shock you?"
The White House website changed almost immediately to reflect the change adding an entire page that lists what donors recieve based on the level they give. Some examples are "write your own legislation for 1 million", "get an ambassadorship in the tropics for 100,000" and "Get your face on a stamp for 10,000".
People who work in all branches of government were giddy with the knowledge that they never have to lie about their real agenda any longer, "We may run Duke Cunningham for Senate in California." Said CA-CMP David Dreir as he fondled a bus boy in a local bistro. Senator Trent Lott almost immediately called FOX News' John Gibson and volunteered in an interview, "I don't like darkies! If you don't either then vote for me!". This helped him raise almost a million dollars for a Presidential run in the first day on his website, almost entirely from small donors. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia looked at a lawyer in court today and asked, "Whats it worth to you to make this whole thing go away?"
Even the Christian Right was giddy, with Pat Robertson interrupting programming on his network to speak directly to the camera, "The church thing is like a ponzi scheme. Im so fucking rich from the African diamond trade that I just don't need to pretend anymore." He then did an exagerrated villain's "Mwoo hah hah".
Both Howard Dean and Nancy Pelosi said today that they will probably change the name of the Democratic Party to the "Not the Craven Miscreants Party".