I apologize in advance: this is my shortest and breeziest diary ever, possibly the silliest and I promise not to do it again. But I can't help myself. And you need a laugh in these dire primaries days. I'm having a few weeks off and discovering the art of listening to the wireless, in this case the BBC, which has a splendid menu of aural titbits.
I was glued to it this morning as a presenter gave a blow by blow account of GW Bush's visit a few weeks ago to the Queen of England as they rode merrily to Buckingham Palace.
Follow me over the funny orange bar!
Breaking, well, this is really a breaking story albeit we're breaking wind here, not important news. I will embellish parts of it for the sake of inserting a few more words but the gist of it is entirely true.
As you know, a few weeks ago, the world’s stupidest monarch (in his deluded mind, of course), GW Bush, visited a real monarch, the queen of England. I admit, this is so far my interpretation, particularly the stupidest monarch bit! Now imagine a well oiled, upper class accent delivering the following, told as best as I can remember:
A 300 ft red carpet was stretched out to greet Air Force One and out disembarked the President of the United States of America to a warm and dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth. They motored to the edge of London in a 1934 silver Bentley where they got into an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses. They rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side, waving to the thousands of cheering Londoners lining the street diligently, and all was going well. This was indeed a glorious display of dignified British pomp and pageantry.
Suddenly, the fairy tale was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-watering blast of flatulence. The coach was immediately filled with noxious fumes. Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two passengers did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the queen, having a change of heart, decided that it was a ridiculous manner to handle a most embarrassing situation. She turned to El Stupido (my words) and explained: "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I’m sure you understand that there are some things even a queen cannot control." George W Bush, the ever the Texan gentleman farmer, replied: "Your Majesty, please don’t give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn’ta said sumethin’ I would have just assumed it was one of the horses."
I kid you not. I spoiled my muesli with tears of deranged laughter.