Jay Leno cliche joke hits my kids' school

Not a political diary, I just need to rant.

This is an old joke, I think to myself.  Why is Jay telling this one again?  He must be cherry picking these rare incidents because they bother him.  Although, his standard line is always about how common this is - there's an epidemic of this everywhere - and his joke is about some bizarre new twist to the usual story.

What's this rash, this cold virus, this dandelion weed infestation of sick behavior sweeping around the country enough to become a stale punch line?  Let me put it in fark-ese.

Common:  Teacher having sex with student
Not as common:  Teacher is female
Rare:  She teaches at my kids' high school
NIMBY:  She was my son's teacher last year
I'm panting with relief:  He thought she was just weird

I still can't quite get my head around this.  I feel as if I've just extinguished the flames from my hair being on fire.

Somehow, I've always felt it can't happen here.  These kind of incidents are rare.  It's just another laugh line, right?  And besides, lightning can't strike twice...

Until it does.  My kids go to school in the highest rated school district in our entire state.  Last year, a male middle school teacher/coach/Scoutmaster (for more than two decades) was arrested while soliciting sex from children online.  One of my kids was in that particular Scout troop but it's a big group and we hadn't interacted with him very much.

So when my son came home telling me about this vicious rumor going around his school about his former teacher and another kid at the school, I thought immediately that it can't be true.  This is just upperclassmen gossip and must be aimed at bullying the kid involved in the rumor.  I told him to be careful about spreading this around.  If true, the kid needs help.  If false, the kid needs help.

I reached the school counselor late this morning.  She was evasive but did confirm that the teacher's been fired and the case is being handled by 'HR.'  I expressed my concern for the kid in this case and said however old he is, he's the victim because the teacher is an authority figure and I hoped he was getting some help or support.  Meaningless platitudes were the response.

Since I wasn't getting any real answers from the school, I called the local paper.  Now there's an article in the online version describing that our police department is investigating this incident at my kids' school based on information received from county social services.  Names were not named because nothing is certain yet.  At least now I know that if social services are involved, there's someone advocating for this kid and that police are taking this report seriously.

What's to sit here any worry about?  Why is my head still fuzzy?  This is just too close, too often.  And I haven't mentioned the incident a year and a half ago where a boy at this same school held a teacher and another student hostage at gunpoint for a couple hours - fired some shots out the window.  The teacher in that incident was so unnerved she resigned before the end of the year.  One of my kids had that teacher also.  Happened to be afterschool that day but - sometimes you win the lottery and you don't even know it - he left the building (the same frikkin section of the building, same floor, yep) about 15 mins before the shooter walked in.  Shooter is now in the loony bin.

Like I said - this is the toniest high school in our state - great academics, calm suburban neighborhood, highest graduation rate, etc etc etc  We moved here for the schools;  I'm usually an advocate of public education.

Somehow I just don't remember anything remotely like any of this back in the day?  And I don't think that's because it didn't get reported upon.  What's going on?

•  I like to learn something new every day.

  This is not what I wanted to learn about.

  by lizpolaris on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 01:45:29 PM PDT

  •  i just learned that

    we apparently live in the same town(I recognize the stories of the hostage/shooting and the scout master/teacher). My boy is only 8 and we are actually in county schools. I haven't heard this story yet.

    It is sad that some people who go into teaching have more problems than they can handle, especially in the stressful school environment. I am NOT excusing, just saying that if there are already problems, schools today will push the "weird" to the limit.(The schools you describe are considered extremely high stress by some teachers, because of the pressure to have superior performing, college-bound kids.)

    I don't know what we can do, except to have frank discussions with our kids and drill into them that teachers who have sexual interest in kids are NOT their friends. It is hard to know what else to do, except just stay alert to any odd behavior. I volunteer at my son's school and hope to do that all through his school years, just to be extra eyes and ears.

    by Chun Yang on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 02:48:26 PM PDT

    •  I'm looking for a response from the

      district superintendent and the school board, this time.  The school policy changes after the shooting were good.  Now they need to do the same with their teachers.  Since these aren't new teachers it's not about screening -maybe it's about support and ongoing monitoring, testing?  Not sure but they need to do something.

      by lizpolaris on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 02:56:07 PM PDT

      •  things like the internet that weren't available

        25 years ago can now be overwhelming, I think. Once again, no excuses, just the observation that our entire country seems to have been corrupted in so many different ways that the history books will record as "the decline" during the last quarter of the twentieth century.

        by peaceloveandkucinich on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 03:38:33 PM PDT

  •  Not new

    I graduated from high school in 1977.  A couple of years later, the upper-grade math teacher from my high school -- who had taught there since the school had opened in 1969 -- was convicted of molesting kids he had taken on over-night school functions.

    There wasn't as much publicity about it; indeed, I learned about it from a one-paragraph item in the back pages of the newspaper.  But it still happened.

    by Frankenoid on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 02:57:51 PM PDT

    •  Classmate!

      Frankly, I like being sort of old, don't you?

      OK, folks.  I'm starting to feel better this evening.  Thanks for helping me argue/rant/share this awful evening.

      by lizpolaris on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 03:02:47 PM PDT

    •  Few years after I graduated H.S. in '76

      the drama teacher (male) had an affair with one of the students (female.)  Not sure if he had been flirty with students prior to then, or if it was just a one-time thing.

      by FoundingFatherDAR on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 03:23:16 PM PDT

      •  did we go to the same school?

        because the same thing happened to my school and I graduated in '76.  But I did know the drama teacher, as I was in every show in one capacity or another.

        What state ya from?  I'm from Juhzzey.  Exit 18W.

        The Music Room.

        by madhaus on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 03:36:29 PM PDT

        •  Other coast - CA (near the parts that just

          went up in flames)

          by FoundingFatherDAR on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 03:57:13 PM PDT

    •  Definitely not new

      One of my classmates (Class of '79) married our high school english teacher right after we graduated.  They'd been dating all through high school, just keeping it quiet.  (How the heck they did that in a town of 1000 is beyond me.)

      by DMiller on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 04:41:51 PM PDT

      •  Newt Gingrich married his HS geeomettry tchr

        at least, that was his first of three wives.

        by teacherken on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 06:45:50 PM PDT

        •  I had forgotten that bit of trivia! n/t

          by lizpolaris on Sat Nov 03, 2007 at 04:42:22 AM PDT

      •  a gal from '79 in my high school

        also married a teacher there, except the teacher already WAS married.  To another teacher.

        Needless to say, he didn't stay a teacher there.

        The Music Room.

        by madhaus on Sat Nov 03, 2007 at 01:25:44 AM PDT

  •  I must be missing something

    You start off talking about Jay Leno:

    Not a political diary, I just need to rant.

    This is an old joke, I think to myself.  Why is Jay telling this one again?  He must be cherry picking these rare incidents because they bother him.  Although, his standard line is always about how common this is - there's an epidemic of this everywhere - and his joke is about some bizarre new twist to the usual story.

    What's this rash, this cold virus, this dandelion weed infestation of sick behavior sweeping around the country enough to become a stale punch line?  Let me put it in fark-ese.

    Common:  Teacher having sex with student
    Not as common:  Teacher is female
    Rare:  She teaches at my kids' high school
    NIMBY:  She was my son's teacher last year
    I'm panting with relief:  He thought she was just weird

    And then you start talking about your kid's school.

    What's the connection?  Are you saying that Jay Leno made a joke about your kid's school?  I don't get it.

    Is there a joke somewhere I missed?  I don't know what "fark-ese" is, so maybe that's part of my problem.

    by Ernest T Bass on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 03:09:10 PM PDT

    •  You must not watch Leno

      He makes a teacher having sex with student joke almost every night - so often that is a stale cliche.

      As for Fark, I read it for laughs.

      There are so many in-jokes around this place (ever read Cheers and Jeers daily diary?) I figure I get to make a few references to popular culture too.

      by lizpolaris on Sat Nov 03, 2007 at 04:47:56 AM PDT

      •  Oh - OK

        I never watch Leno and rarely go through Cheers and Jeers.  And I'd never heard of Fark.

        Oh well - culturally clueless as usual.

        by Ernest T Bass on Sat Nov 03, 2007 at 03:54:18 PM PDT

•  Well

  Somehow I just don't remember anything remotely like any of this back in the day?  And I don't think that's because it didn't get reported upon.  What's going on?

  It's been going on as long as there have been schools and groups of children led by adults.

  Imagine the kids in the schools over the decades being assaulted by priests? I'm sure many of those schools were in "nice neighborhoods."

  by Nelsons on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 01:52:48 PM PDT

  •  I don't buy that.

    Sure there have been problems but not this many, not so often, not so widespread.  It's not about the fact that we are more aware.  From what I've seen, there's more going on.

    I grew up in a similar neighborhood, different state.  Sure we had the usual issues with some drugs, teen sex.  But the worst teacher was one who was discovered to be a hit and run driver.  He was fired.  That's all during the whole 12 years I lived in that town (which was larger than the one I live in now).

    This school district has one shooter and two sex-crazed teachers in two years?  That's nothing like I ever recall hearing about.

    And priests aren't teachers.  With the priest scandal, we find out that there was a policy of covering up problems and moving the priests around to continue their sick behavior!  Schools aren't doing that - there just seems to be no shortage of sick teachers around.  They seem to be a lot sicker than the type I grew up with.  Wonder if this has anything to do with stress and low pay?  Who knows...

    by lizpolaris on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 02:01:50 PM PDT

    •  You might not buy it, but it's the best

      explanation.  Back when we were kids, adults didn't talk about this to us.  Parenting wasn't even a verb yet.  Circling the wagons was a typical response from any institution, and a problem teacher or priest or coach would be quietly pushed out with no explanation to anyone.

      Today's parents keep their kids locked in the house, maybe the backyard.  When I was a kid I rode all over the neighborhood.  Other moms are shocked that I let my kids do the same thing I did; "How could you, things are different today!"  They are not.  The only thing that has changed is that the bad stuff is reported today.

      The Music Room.

      by madhaus on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 02:05:06 PM PDT

    •  It's not that it happened less

      It's just that the stigma has been more or less removed and people aren't afraid to talk about it anymore.  

      by GoldnI on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 02:07:51 PM PDT

      •  I wish I had some expertise on this.

        I don't have any statistics to show.  But I believe, until proven otherwise, that there are more incidents of this sick behavior now than there used to be.  Purely from my observation - which is not scientific enough for any proof, I understand.  

        by lizpolaris on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 02:13:54 PM PDT

        •  But there's no way to prove that

          Because back in the old days, stuff like this wasn't reported anywhere near as much.  Remember, up until very recently, rape victims would commonly be blamed for what happened.

          by GoldnI on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 02:16:46 PM PDT

        •  Honestly

          I'm really not sure what makes you believe that so vehemently. I have a number of friends significantly older than me who survived various similar situations in school.  The difference seems to be that they were too ashamed to bring it up until much, much later.

          (and schools still sometimes go to great lengths to keep bad things hushed, in my experience).

          Mine is anecdote as well, but there you go.

          Now, the school shootings are different, IMO. I think that actually is a relatively new problem, on the kind of scale it has now. But I suspect teen depression has also probably skyrocketed in the last 20-30 years, and is a big part of the core of that problem.

          by Spit on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 02:19:58 PM PDT

          •  RE: school shootings

            My husband told me that, during his school years, he was frequently beaten by school bullies. He was also taunted and tormented daily.

            He fantasized about bringing his father's gun to school and blowing his tormentors away. No, he didn't do it, thank goodness.

            This was 30 years ago.

            It isn't easy being green.

            by emeraldmaiden on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 02:23:15 PM PDT

            •  Yeah

              I could see that, and I remember having those moments as a teen, too -- I can sort of empathize with the kids who lose it, actually, not that I'm trying to excuse, say, shooting up their schoolmates.

              It really didn't seem to happen as often, though. But maybe that's a faulty impression.

              by Spit on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 02:27:23 PM PDT

            •  Bullying was allowed then.

              It was way too common.  And I recall quite a few fistfights at our schools.  No shootings, though.

              by lizpolaris on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 02:28:41 PM PDT

              •  Bullying is still common

                It's interesting that the parents of the bullys always  seem to be the last to know. "My son/daughter would never do such a thing." Uh huh.

                by Nelsons on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 02:37:35 PM PDT

              •  my dad's high school class in 1938

                had a riot break out at the end of a football game, over a disputed play, and the two teams were banned for a decade from playing each other.

                I think that teachers could get away with things that no one would dare talk about, back in the day. I recall a couple of cases of authority figures(like, church choir director) running off with teenagers, even in my small home town in Texas.

                by Chun Yang on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 02:54:00 PM PDT

        •  there's a term for your reaction to this

          You are committing the logical fallacy of "Appeal to Consequences," subtype "Wishful Thinking."  These are both logical fallacies because they appeal to emotion and have nothing to back them up otherwise.

          I'm sure there's a cool name for it in Latin, but I can't find it.

          The Music Room.

          by madhaus on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 03:44:38 PM PDT

          •  I was thinking about this later in the evening.

            I'm reminded of the old joke 'Doctor, just because I'm paranoid doean't mean there aren't people after me!'

            I'm aware of the fallacy of causation you refer to, as I am also aware of the likelyhood that underreporting leads to unawareness of the problem.

            However, I'm also well - old.  And I remember what it was like living then.  No I didn't have some sweet rosy childhood (let's not go there) so I'm not just remembering how great were the good old days.

            I have a feeling, which I realize is only that, which indicates strongly to me that the climate in my children's schools now is quite different than what I saw commonly growing up.  I don't think it's just that we know more about it.

            I think we have a new generation of teachers and school administrators and culture and this is resulting in a less safe environment.  Corruption is becoming as rampant as we see it in other parts of society, maybe?

            by lizpolaris on Sat Nov 03, 2007 at 04:56:04 AM PDT

            •  Nope, it was just as bad then as now

              I read plenty, I talk to people of all ages.  And I'm not exactly a spring chicken myself.

              I really think, based on all the different people I've heard from on this, that your feelings are only that: your feelings.

              The Music Room.

              by madhaus on Sat Nov 03, 2007 at 04:11:01 PM PDT

•  Dunno about "back in the day"

  but when I was in high school a little more than a decade ago, sure, crap like this happened. And every "good neighborhood" my friends and I grew up in apparently had one child molester, too.

  IMO, the "safety" of safe neighborhoods and good schools is largely a popular myth.

  Not trying to be all negative, mind you. But I don't think there's anywhere in the country you can actually escape this kind of stuff.

  by Spit on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 01:58:26 PM PDT

  •  Heh,

    for me it's more like 30 years ago.

    by lizpolaris on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 02:02:43 PM PDT

•  Violence. Celebrity. Negligence. Sexualization.

  This is what's going on....(a few anyway)

  Kids exposed to, and numbed by depictions of violence - and even common rudeness toward one another.

  "Celebrity" - not in the sense of famous entertainers, but that kids are so judged for their looks and popularity, as if that were all that mattered and as a society we de-emphasize uniqueness and academic achievement, etc.

  Some negligence on the part of parents in that they are so wrapped-up in work or whatever else that their kids are spending more time with people outside of the home (yes, I know familial pedophilia rates are high). Parents aren't paying enough attention to their kids and kids aren't paying enough attention to their peers.

  Sexualization - exposure in the media speaks for itself - opening the door to previously closed discussion, ploys, curiosity, etc..

  by coffeeinamrica on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 02:11:01 PM PDT

  •  Oh and beware complacency and ignorance ;-)

    Somehow, I've always felt it can't happen here.  These kind of incidents are rare.  It's just another laugh line, right?  And besides, lightning can't strike twice...

    by coffeeinamrica on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 02:14:59 PM PDT

•  I don't know what it was like

  back in the day, but when I was in high school (7 years ago) we never had problems like the ones I read about now.  I went to school in both cities and rural areas.  Sure there were fights, some weapons, etc..  But never a teacher having sex with students, or gun violence.  

  I've been thinking about this lately, and I'm wondering if the neo-conservative rule over the last 20 years or so has finally taken it's toll on the youngest generations.  Sex sells on TV, music etc, but you're supposed to be a virgin until you're married.  Don't be violent, but own guns, start wars and glorify violence on TV.  You can only repress so much before everyone involved in the society starts to break down.  

  The kids are under so much pressure to pass tests, get into college they can't pay for, they are constantly advertised to, and many have single parents or two working parents.

  I don't see how any of that can sustain a normal society and I fear the long term problems are finally starting to manifest.  Conservative family values indeed.....    

  by Victory Coffee on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 02:20:23 PM PDT

•  Years ago I worked with someone

  married to a teacher from my husband's high school. (This was many years after hubby graduated, and the teacher had moved on and was in business.)

  One day the topic of drug use by teenagers happened to come up during water cooler time. Coworker told me that they'd been to some staff reunion the weekend before, and during dinner, one of the administrators had insisted there had not been a drug problem during the time that her husband taught there.

  I couldn't stop laughing at her - my hubby had told me many stories about the kids who came to school high, and he estimated that 50% used some kind of drugs.

  So, many things happen that people are not aware of. Doesn't mean they didn't happen.

  by Nelsons on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 02:32:03 PM PDT

•  of course it was happening

  I graduated from a small-town high school over 25 years ago. During my time there: * the drama teacher (male) started an affair with a female freshman (surprisingly, they got married, and still are!)--did I say "started an affair with"? technically, that's child molestation. But I'm glad it ended happily. * the (male) biology teacher propositioned a (male) just-graduated senior whom he'd had his eye on for years. Hey, at least he waited, and took no for an answer! * a (female) English teacher had sex with at least 2 schoolboys, one of whom moved in with her in his junior year--even my mother (usually oblivious to all that's going wrong around her) had heard about this one * and the (female) choir teacher propositioned (female) me!
  So, yeah, teacher-student hanky-panky was going on, in all flavors. I also remember a student teacher being suddenly fired from my grade school when it was learned that he had given two different little girls rings and told them they were his secret girlfriends.
  In other "safe, sleepy small town" events during those years, one of my closest male friends was being paid for sex by several local men, one of our neighbours blew his brains out all over the front window when his daughter finally told someone he was sexually abusing her, a girl I knew very well was physically and sexually abused as part of a sorority hazing (yes, this sick place had sororities in high school), and I was sleeping with one of the church youth leaders who was about 10 years older than (jailbait) me.
  If anyone reading this recognizes this little Peyton Place--hey, go Tornados!
  But I don't think it was unusual then, or now. Many, many people in my home town knew about one or more of these events but none were reported to the police (except the one where the guy committed suicide) and none made the papers, including the one that was reported and the fired grade-school teacher.
  Drugs? What else was there to do? Even goody-two=shoes me inhaled a few times. We all drank whenever we could get booze
  Violence? A kid who ended up in the loony bin burned down the basketball gym, bullying and fights were common, and there was a race riot in the cafeteria the year before I started. I don't recall anyone bringing a gun to school though. Though it may be significant that one of the first school shootings happened in a nearby suburb.
  Oh, and if you want to go way back, I've been told that my grandpa was thrown out of high school for shagging a teacher (this would have been around 1919), though I can't confirm the veracity of this gossip!

  And my mother wonders why I have NEVER wanted to move back, despite it being "such a nice place to raise children"!

  by expatyank on Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 04:15:18 PM PDT