Daily Kos

Who's your uncle? A guide to the Republican personalities.

by cartwrightdale

Thu Nov 29, 2007 at 01:26:40 PM PDT

I posted this as an off-the-cuff comment in a YouTube open thread last night, based on my impressions of the candidates' debate performances, and it received enough kind kudos that I thought I'd expand it to a full diary entry.  

Enjoy!  :)

Hunter: That uncle you've met, like, once, and know nothing about

Tancredo: That uncle you've met, like, twice, and know nothing about, except a vague recollection of the phrase "going to hell in a handbasket" and something about "job-stealin' wetbacks"

Huckabee: That nice, smart uncle who actually puts thought into what he writes in your birthday card, but then nervously puts you on the spot by asking if you knew where the quote he added was from, and you take a 50-50 shot by guessing "the... New Testament?"

Romney: That creepy, fake uncle you're pretty sure is cheating on your aunt, but always has the newest, biggest electronics and cars and scolds you instantly if you don't remove your shoes at the front door of his luxurious white-carpeted home, even though he keeps his own perfectly shined shoes on at all times

Paul: That crazy conspiracy theorist uncle who sometimes sounds brilliant, but you suspect it's a broken-clock-right-twice-a-day-type of thing, and so you smile and nod and say "really?" no matter what bizarre tangent he goes off on, and absent-mindedly wonder how much pot he smoked forty years ago

McCain: That unsettling, unbalanced uncle you have awkward pauses with in attempted conversation, who can bring even the friendliest and liveliest dinner talk to a screeching halt with a single, inexplicable, unrelated-to-the-topic-at-hand, "gook"

Giuliani: That dick uncle who always punches your arm a little too hard, but is absolutely certain that he's your favorite relative, when in reality you're just being forced by your mom to visit, and all you can think of is how pathetic it is when a guy isn't as likable as he is in his own head

Thompson: That old friendly uncle you're not sure should still be driving but you don't bring it up, because every once in a while you think you catch him staring at your little sister a little too long, unable to tell if his seemingly admiring gaze is sweet or sleazy, and you wonder if that sideways little half-smile might not be a smirk, but a stroke

Tags: Fred Thompson, Rudy Giuliani, Ron Paul, John McCain, Duncan Hunter, Tom Tancredo, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney (all tags) :: Previous Tag Versions

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