I went to Second Life to escape the stresses of my Real, or "First" Life. I wanted to be an elf – a desire held since I was a child. Second Life was the chance to do that. It was a chance to be seen and accepted as an elf – to fly and leave behind the stresses of life in the condition.
Then I found myself involved in a science fiction role playing game and all of that changed.
For it was there that something strange happened. Between dancing and fighting robots, I found myself drawn back into what I do in real life – nurturing, counseling and supporting young people.
More below the virtual divide.
My job at a small upstate New York school district is as varied as it is hectic. I am in charge of their communications program as well as services for gifted students. I am the advisor of the drama club and I coach a team of exceptional students in an international creative competition. In the past I worked with very troubled teens in a locked residential facility. So while I am not a certified counselor, I have tremendous real experience with working with troubled and disaffected young people.
My offices in our high school have become a hub for the some of the more emotionally wounded students, who sense they can come and speak to me off the record. They know they will not be judged, but supported and given a chance to laugh. They know they will be told they will be OK, no matter what is happening I their lives.
It was this person – the nurturer -- who I wanted to leave behind when I joined this Second Life science fiction RPG, where I could battle robots who were trying to exterminate the human race. I went there because it would give me the chance to act, albeit virtually, rather than direct. It would give me "me" time.
It was supposed to be all fun and games. And yet, across the miles, time and space, the "nurturer magnet" was working over time and its force pulled in a young man from a small European country. A young man who went there, not unlike me, to escape his every day life and perhaps feel a bit more in control of it.
Our characters met and I discovered he offered me a good opportunity to advance a storyline I had been developing. We discussed how and where our characters could role play certain things that would move my character in the direction I wanted it to go. He was funny, engaging and delightful, and I enjoyed the opportunity to meet up with him in our parallel universe.
We spoke in and out of character. The out of character stuff started out simple enough: where are you from; what do you do in "real life," and my favorite, "how old are you?" It is always a shocker when they find out I am "old enough to be their mom."
It was during the course of these "out of character discussions" that I felt it. The tentative probing that I had grown used to over the years. A word here and there dropped casually as he looked for signs from me that would indicate I could be trusted. I recognized the first steps of a person looking to connect with someone safe to share his burdens with. And I joined the dance.
He hinted there was something that he had done many years ago that caused him and his family shame. He hinted that he was alone and isolated in a self imposed exile as penance for this shameful past.
And so I reverted to who I am, and began to gently draw him out. Who could be safer than me to talk to? Someone on another continent, someone with no connection to family and friends.
So we talked hour after hour. We spoke about shame, disappointment, forgiveness and love. We talked about not letting the acts of a rebellious and foolish teenager prevent him from having a full adult life. We talked about hope and moving on and finding the confidence to put the past behind him. We spoke about grabbing the present and the future and taking control of them.
We became friends, this young man and I. Friends in a parallel universe, connected through the wonders of the "Internets."
I discovered that this virtual world of ours is incredibly powerful. It connects us in ways we could never have dreamed of: here at Daily Kos we connect to gain information, for solidarity and for political action.
But the "tubes" can and do also connect people whose lives would never have intersected and give them a place to speak and learn about each other.
And yes, to even heal each other.
My young friend is sounding happier these days.
And I see him grow in confidence as we stand together fighting robots and demons in a virtual world.