Things Old People Say (but no one is listening)

I remember when I was a teenager, my stepfather would tell me things, lots of things. He would always start of by saying, "I know you aren't going to listen, but..." or "I know you are going to think I am full of shit, but..." and then he would go on to tell me wisdom he had gained through living.  Not education, but wisdom, because he wasn't a highly educated man.

Wisdom is something the last generation strives to infuse the new generation with.  Wisdom is also often ignored by the next generation who are busy trying to use their intellect and "do stuff".

But for those who want some wisdom, or just want kvetch on how no one is listening to your bits of hard won knowledge, you can follow me over the jump.

No one has to give you a break

That doesn't mean they won't.  It means be fucking grateful when they do.  I see too many people today that think that they should get special treatment, that somehow the rules don't apply to them.  You are special...just like everybody else.

I had a Boss that gave me a break once.  She covered for me when I didn't call in late for work.  She told me that if I ever did it again she would hang my ass out to dry.  I was ashamed for putting her in the position of covering for me and I was grateful that she cut me slack.  I was very careful to never do that to her again.

Work Hard

I got where I was by being smart and being a workhorse.  If you have to spend 8 hours at work make them count.  You might not get a promotion out of it, but at least you will know you did a good job.  My hard work did not pay off in every job, but it did in enough to get me from 0-60 eventually.

The Decisions made between 16 and 24 are going to affect you for the rest of your life

These are the years where every decision you make could change the entire arc of your life.  College, no college, pregnancy, geographic location, grades, military, etc.  Everything you do, every class you take might be the difference between vacations to Disneyland and vacations to Europe.  They could be the difference between spam or steak.  Seriously.

Being Poor Sucks

I know that you know this, but unless you have been poor, it is just a theory.  Being poor sucks on far more levels that you would believe.  So many options are closed to you, so many barriers are put in your way.  Being poor is expensive.  Credit rates are higher, you pay far more for major purchases unless you save the cash.  You get more tickets in a crappy car than a new one.  Replacing one tire at a time usually costs more in the long run.

Tying back to the earlier point, decisions made when young may affect you forever, especially in the "being poor" department.

Take care of your teeth

I know, this sounds silly next to the others, but I am telling you this is  very important.  Starting in the 1970s, braces and dental work became commonplace.  The membership badge of the middle class is straight white teeth.  People can overcome this hurdle, but why place hurdles in your path if you can avoid them?  Take care of your teeth, people notice.

I work for the Government, and one of the benefits is a 2,500 lifetime orthodontic benefit.  I have seen many adults get braces as soon as they get on with the government...they know, and now you do too.

•  I am probably talking to myself

  But I was so happy to get my internet back up (just moved) that I thought it was time to run another set of panties up the flagpole.

  by Sychotic1 on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 10:17:28 AM PDT

  •  But...but why would we take advice from a

    psychotic one?   :)

    Good diary--enjoyed it.

    by St Louis Woman on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 10:29:36 AM PDT

    •  I have had that handle for years and years

      it is hard to get a good name with yahoo mail, but I am pretty imaginative ;)

      I have also found that psychosis is considered to be a male attribute as I am often mistaken for a man.

      by Sychotic1 on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 11:05:21 AM PDT

  •  Yeah, babble on

    y'old fart. Ain't nobody listening 'sept us other old farts.

    Still, good advice. You can change course later in life, and mistakes made early can be corrected, but why give yourself the greif?

    by IsraelHand on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 12:04:13 PM PDT

•  I've always said ...

  ... that the older I get, the smarter my mother gets.

  by highfive on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 10:19:57 AM PDT

  •  a familiar sentiment

    My father was an amazing man. The older I got, the smarter he got. – Mark Twain

    by bumblebums on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 10:22:43 AM PDT

•  no...I am reading

  Working Hard..there is a myth that managers and CEOS work harder, I don't believe that.

  No one works harder than women in places like Bolivia as an example,  as they carry water for miles or Indonesia where they work from dusk to dawn bent over planting rice paddies. I always smile when people tell me that you succeed because you work hard.

  Being poor sucks...not as much as not getting a decent education. That sucks more.

  Education about debt, borrowing, diet and managing a household should be mandatory in schools.

  Merry Christmas from another oldster.

  by ohcanada on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 10:28:47 AM PDT

  •  I never said managers worked harder

    I am a manager, and I started as a file clerk (secretarial) so I know all about working at the various levels.  I have been to Indonesia and Central America and seen what their brand of poor looks like...not fun.

    by Sychotic1 on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 10:37:13 AM PDT

•  You got my rec

  as soon as I read this:

  No one has to give you a break

  That doesn't mean they won't.  It means be fucking grateful when they do.

   A hard lesson, and an important one.

   Nice diary, I'm glad you ran it up the flagpole, esp. since I've been feeling a little sorry for myself lately.

  by jhop7 on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 10:35:37 AM PDT

•  We all

  live with regrets, and not the least of these, for many of us, is the fact that we didn't listen to our parents.

  We are not a nation that respects age or values its opinions. If that ever changes....but it won't change as long as we value the surface beauty of youth and monetary success over all things.

  Good diary.

  by kpardue on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 10:45:31 AM PDT

•  you forgot, "pay yourself first"

  not enough folks save money anymore. now i know that there are a lot of folks scraping by on just barely enough to feed, clothe and house themselves, but there are a lot of other folks who make enough to save and choose not to.

  by joe shikspack on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 10:47:54 AM PDT

  •  I am crap at saving

    But I do live on a cash basis.  I abhor credit cards and I keep some money in savings for emergencies.

    by Sychotic1 on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 10:48:51 AM PDT

•  So true about the teeth!

  Having neglected my ivories throughout my dissolute youth (French dentists were a scary lot then) I had to endure two years of painful surgery in Australia and a wad of money went south. Kids, brush them up day in day out!

  by Asinus Asinum Fricat on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 10:50:01 AM PDT

  •  My own stepfather, who was extremely well read

    and a man of few words tricked me into becoming a bookworm by repeating his mantra: read or die. It was effective.

    by Asinus Asinum Fricat on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 10:56:29 AM PDT

    •  I am a book worm myself

      I think I got that way because my parents read.  Unfortunately, it didn't rub off on my son...although occasionally he will surprise me and pick something up and read it.  The last thing he picked up off my bookshelf was "Stupid White Men".

      by Sychotic1 on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 11:03:39 AM PDT

•  You can work hard,

  & have bad teeth, & still have a great reputation.  Dental insurance costs extra.

  Or you can have good teeth & goldbrick, & develop a bad reputation as a goldbrick.

  You could be depressed, but work hard.

  Your advice is good, but there are grey areas.  Things are not so cut & dry.

  eg:  People who are born poor don't always have good examples of a good work ethic.  IMO, that, & managing a bank account should be taught in public schools, & the last time I was there, it was not.  You have to learn a lot of living skills from your environment.  Home Ec doesn't do it.  Poor people need instruction on how to get out of the gate, not generalizations about getting in the home stretch.

  Also, many poor people have a very good work ethic, but no matter how hard they work, will only ever be the best in their class.  There is a thickening glass ceiling.  Education is the key that unlocks the doors.

  And finally, empathy and compasion makes us all better people.  The model you present doesn't seem to account for that.  Poor people are more generous to those less fortunate.  ( Sorry, no link, but I'm sure it's in google somewhere.)  

  I understand your points, sychotic, but IMO, free education and life skills need to be included in basic public ed. and hoisted up the flagpole above the panties.

  by x on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 11:20:17 AM PDT

  •  This is advice for young people

    Not a reworking of our society.  

    Maybe I was lucky, but when I was a senior they had a class that taught us how to balance a checkbook, how much a car really costs us per mile and they made us run a budget on minimum wage.  It was hugely eye opening.  All schools should offer it.

    I know how hard it is to get from here to there and I understand that hard work doesn't always get one ahead.  Heck, many times it just made me the most tired person in the store.

    I have worked fast food, retail, envelope stuffing, cash registers, sales, filing, bookkeeping, secretarial, accounting, mailroom, military...you name it.  Experience all over the board, jack of all trades, this I got.

    by Sychotic1 on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 11:26:27 AM PDT

•  Great work

  And every word of it true.  Thanks.

  by Gemina13 on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 11:40:35 AM PDT

•  If I gave any push along the way...

  ...to this diary, I'm happy. :-)

  by rserven on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 11:50:47 AM PDT

  •  hehe

    Yeah, that and a cup of coffee and I was off to the races.

    by Sychotic1 on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 12:12:04 PM PDT

•  Never Expect "Respect" From Anyone

  Polonius to his son

    See thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
     Nor any unproportion'd thought his act.
     Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar:
     The friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
     Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
     But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
     Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg'd comrade. Beware
     Of entrance to a quarrel; but, being in,
     Bear 't that th' opposed may beware of thee.
     Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice:
     Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment.
     Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy
     But not expressed in fancy; rich, not gaudy:
     For the apparel oft proclaims the man.
     Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
     For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
     And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
     This above all: to thine own self be true;
     And it must follow, as the night the day,
     Thou canst not then be false to any man.

  Thomas Jefferson to his nephew

  Letter to Peter Carr (Jefferson's Nephew)
  Thomas Jefferson, 1787
     Dear Peter, -- I have received your two letters of December the 30th and April the 18th, and am very happy to find by them, as well as by letters from Mr. Wythe, that you have been so fortunate as to attract his notice and good will; I am sure you will find this to have been one of the most fortunate events of your life, as I have ever been sensible it was of mine. I enclose you a sketch of the sciences to which I would wish you to apply, in such order as Mr. Wythe shall advise; I mention, also, the books in them worth your reading, which submit to his correction. Many of these are among your father's books, which you should have brought to you. As I do not recollect those of them not in his library, you must write to me for them, making out a catalogue of such as you think you shall have occasion for, in eighteen months from the date of your letter, and consulting Mr. Wythe on the subject. To this sketch, I will add a few particular observations:

     1. Italian. I fear the learning of this language will confound your French and Spanish. Being all of them degenerated dialects of the Latin, they are apt to mix in conversation. I have never seen a person speaking the three languages, who did not mix them. It is a delightful language, but late events having rendered the Spanish more useful, lay it aside to prosecute that.

     2. Spanish. Bestow great attention on this, and endeavor to acquire an accurate knowledge of it. Our future connections with Spain and Spanish America, will render that language a valuable acquisition. The ancient history of that part of America, too, is written in that language. I send you a dictionary.

     3. Moral Philosophy. I think it lost time to attend lectures on this branch. He who made us would have been a pitiful bungler, if he had made the rules of our moral conduct a matter of science. For one man of science, there are thousands who are not. What would have become of them? Man was destined for society. His morality, therefore, was to be formed to this object. He was endowed with a sense of right and wrong, merely relative to this. This sense is as much a part of his nature, as the sense of hearing, seeing, feeling; it is the true foundation of morality, and not the "to kalon" (Greek: The beautiful), truth, &c., as fanciful writers have imagined. The moral sense, or conscience, is as much a part of man as his leg or arm. It is given to all human beings in a stronger or weaker degree, as force of members is given them in a greater or less degree. It may be strengthened by exercise, as may any particular limb of the body. This sense is submitted, indeed, in some degree, to the guidance of reason; but it is a small stock which is required for this: even a less one than what we call common sense. State a moral case to a ploughman and a professor. The former will decide it as well, and often better than the latter, because he has not been led astray by artificial rules. In this branch, therefore, read good books, because they will encourage, as well as direct your feelings. The writings of Sterne, particularly, form the best course of morality that ever was written. Besides these, read the books mentioned in the enclosed paper; and, above all things, lose no occasion of exercising your dispositions to be grateful, to be generous, to be charitable, to be humane, to be true, just, firm, orderly, courageous, &c. Consider every act of this kind, as an exercise which will strengthen your moral faculties and increase your worth.

     4. Religion. Your reason is now mature enough to examine this object. In the first place, divest yourself of all bias in favor of novelty and singularity of opinion. Indulge them in any other subject rather than that of religion. It is too important, and the consequences of error may be too serious. On the other hand, shake off all the fears and servile prejudices, under which weak minds are servilely crouched. Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call to her tribunal every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear. You will naturally examine first, the religion of your own country. Read the Bible, then as you would read Livy or Tacitus. The facts which are within the ordinary course of nature, you will believe on the authority of the writer, as you do those of the same kind in Livy and Tacitus. The testimony of the writer weighs in their favor, in one scale, and their not being against the laws of nature, does not weigh against them. But those facts in the Bible which contradict the laws of nature, must be examined with more care, and under a variety of faces. Here you must recur to the pretensions of the writer to inspiration from God. Examine upon what evidence his pretensions are founded, and whether that evidence is so strong, as that its falsehood would be more improbable than a change in the laws of nature, in the case he relates. For example, in the book of Joshua, we are told, the sun stood still several hours. Were we to read that fact in Livy or Tacitus, we should class it with their showers of blood, speaking of statues, beasts, etc. But it is said, that the writer of that book was inspired. Examine, therefore, candidly, what evidence there is of his having been inspired. The pretension is entitled to your inquiry, because millions believe it. On the other hand, you are astronomer enough to know how contrary it is to the law of nature that a body revolving on its axis, as the earth does, should have stopped, should not, by that sudden stoppage, have prostrated animals, trees, buildings, and should after a certain time gave resumed its revolution, and that without a second general prostration. Is this arrest of the earth's motion, or the evidence which affirms it, most within the law of probabilities? You will next read the New Testament. It is the history of a personage called Jesus. Keep in your eye the opposite pretensions: 1, of those who say he was begotten by God, born of a virgin, suspended and reversed the laws of nature at will, and ascended bodily into heaven; and 2, of those who say he was a man of illegitimate birth, of a benevolent heart, enthusiastic mind, who set out without pretensions to divinity, ended in believing them, and was punished capitally for sedition, by being gibbeted, according to the Roman law, which punished the first commission of that offence by whipping, and the second by exile, or death "in furea"....

     Do not be frightened from this inquiry by any fear of its consequences. If it ends in a belief that there is no God, you will find incitements to virtue in the comfort and pleasantness you feel in its exercise, and the love of others which it will procure you. If you find reason to believe there is a God, a consciousness that you are acting under his eye, and that he approves you, will be a vast additional incitement; if that there be a future state, the hope of a happy existence in that increases the appetite to deserve it; if that Jesus was also a God, you will be comforted by a belief of his aid and love. In fine, I repeat, you must lay aside all prejudice on both sides, and neither believe nor reject anything, because any other persons, or description of persons, have rejected or believed it. Your own reason is the only oracle given you by heaven, and you are answerable, not for the rightness, but uprightness of the decision. I forgot to observe, when speaking of the New Testament, that you should read all the histories of Christ, as well of those whom a council of ecclesiastics have decided for us, to be Pseudo-evangelists, as those they named Evangelists. Because these Pseudo-evangelists pretended to inspiration, as much as the others, and you are to judge their pretensions by your own reason, and not by the reason of those ecclesiastics. Most of these are lost. There are some, however, still extant, collected by Fabricius, which I will endeavor to get and send you.

     5. Travelling. This makes men wiser, but less happy. When men of sober age travel, they gather knowledge, which they may apply usefully for their country; but they are subject ever after to recollections mixed with regret; their affections are weakened by being extended over more objects; and they learn new habits which cannot be gratified when they return home. Young men, who travel, are exposed to all these inconveniences in a higher degree, to others still more serious, and do not acquire that wisdom for which a previous foundation is requisite, by repeated and just observations at home. The glare of pomp and pleasure is analogous to the motion of the blood; it absorbs all their affection and attention, they are torn from it as from the only good in this world, and return to their home as to a place of exile and condemnation. Their eyes are forever turned back to the object they have lost, and its recollection poisons the residue of their lives. Their first and most delicate passions are hackneyed on unworthy objects here, and they carry home the dregs, insufficient to make themselves or anybody else happy. Add to this, that a habit of idleness, an inability to apply themselves to business is acquired, and renders them useless to themselves and their country. These observations are founded in experience. There is no place where your pursuit of knowledge will be so little obstructed by foreign objects, as in your own country, nor any, wherein the virtues of the heart will be less exposed to be weakened. Be good, be learned, and be industrious, and you will not want the aid of travelling, to render you precious to your country, dear to your friends, happy within yourself. I repeat my advice, to take a great deal of exercise, and on foot. Health is the first requisite after morality. Write to me often, and be assured of the interest I take in your success, as well as the warmth of those sentiments of attachment with which I am, dear Peter, your affectionate friend.

  http://www.infidels.org/...

  by bernardpliers on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 11:52:50 AM PDT

  •  I agree

    Courtesy is expected, respect is earned.

    by Sychotic1 on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 12:11:42 PM PDT

•  Some of the best stories and advice

  I heard while nursing. Older people are often forgotten and lonely. Sitting with them for awhile , they would tell me things I remember and use to this very day. They are a gold mine of knowledge and worth every minute.

  by Owllwoman on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 11:55:54 AM PDT

•  N\T

  by Luetta on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 12:15:57 PM PDT

•  Here's some unsolicited advice

  from an old lady.

  1. Never run for an elevator.

  2. Never makes "to do" lists.

  3. Never arrive at the home of a friend with one arm as long as the other.

  4. Brush your teeth with bicarbonate of soda.

  5. Save all rubber bands (on a doorknob) and string (in an empty coffee can).

  6. To stay grounded, watch "The Wizard of Oz" once a year.

  by Miss Pip on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 12:16:09 PM PDT

•  My daughter is 45. A couple of months

  ago she sent me an e-mail survey which I filled out and sent back to her and then she sent her version back to me.  It was about how well we know each other.  One of her answers to me was that "I am the smartest woman she has ever met".  It was the highest compliment she has ever paid me.  I was surprised because parents often wonder if the kids are ever listening when we talk.
  Now, if only my son would feel the same way, I could consider myself a successful Mom.

  by oibme on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 12:18:32 PM PDT

•  My dad used to say

  "we get the government we pay for"  Meaning that if we do not pay our reps enough they will skim it off anyway.  I don't think he anticipated the current bunch of overpaid corrupt bunch of yahoos.  But perhaps they   are just responding to some sense of being underpaid by reaching out to lobbyists who will fund their elevated lifestyles?

  He also felt that everybody owed their government some time and attention.  So he worked on appraisals for the county making sure that land values were properly set.  It was an unpopular thing to do, but as he was an honest man I suspect the large majority of the countians trusted him to do right for them.

  by glitterscale on Sat Dec 22, 2007 at 03:11:35 PM PDT