The Only Sin.
Wed Mar 07, 2007 at 09:57:57 AM PDT
This diary started off as a response to DemiGoddess. However, I have been thinking about this topic on and off for quite a while. This idea is a line drawn in the sand, it is polarizing, yet everyone will claim to be on the "good" side of the line. It is one of my litmus tests for people--whether or not I can trust them, let them into my house.
In my second year of college I discovered, to my horror, that I had been dating a misogynist for 18 months. I don’t know how exactly I got caught into that trap, maybe I was searching for an authority figure, perhaps I just didn’t pay attention to how snarky and sarcastic his humor was all the time. (Of course, he didn’t have a sense of humor. When I thought he was being sarcastic, that was how he really felt.) I was naïve and, I thought, in love.
Mom disapproved of Mr. Misogynist from the start, but didn’t warn me—or maybe I didn’t listen. I know for sure that she didn’t say "I think your boyfriend is a misogynist." Maybe she thought I was smart enough to figure it out. I probably should have been.
Anyway, on what turned out to be the last day of my dating Mr. Misogynist, we were arguing. There was no discussion or discourse with this man, it was always arguing. Through the months, he would announce at the conclusion of an argument a random pair of numbers, supposedly how many times he was right against how many times I was right. 36 to 3. 101 to 4. 525 to 6. 888 to 7. Not always, but often. And I truly thought he was just making it up, probably due to the random symmetry of the numbers, I think.
So, we were arguing this particular day about the weather. At the conclusion of the argument, he goes over to his computer, brings up Weather.com, and announces: " I was right, it’s going to be cloudy on Tuesday, that makes 1000 times I was right, 12 times you were right!"
And, I swear to God, he did a little football dance then and there.
And I said: What?
He said: Uh-huh! Yeah!
I said: Are you serious?
He said (in a "well, duh!" voice) Yeah.
And I turned back to my book. I was there for a good half hour, staring at but not reading my book, thinking "I don’t think he loves me." That triggered a review of the experiences Mr. Misogynist and I had had, and how he treat other people, and how he could show manners on a grand scale but how sometimes, in private, the snarky humor really didn’t help and how Mr. Misogynist was kind of like a spoiled brat most of the time and that other people had had problems dealing with him...and they were all women.
I sat there thinking and realizing many things. He’d only trash talk with men on the basketball court. Mr. Misogynist had problems with women teachers, women student leaders, women friends. It was like he would subtract 30 IQ points if you had a lumpy chest instead of a straight one. Mr. Misogynist hated homosexuals, and held the firm belief that the only man who should even think of wearing a dress was Milton Berle.
He was thinking of women as things, not as people. This is an idea that keeps reappearing in literature and philosophy as the argument of psychos and tyrants everywhere...it seems to be at the core of every Pubbie value, but Progressives take this idea along the same lines as "Dirt is bad to breathe."
Treating people as things, is the core of every sin and every crime of humanity. Totally devaluing a person's personhood is where misogyny, racism, murder, rape, and theft originate. It's the center of the 7 deadly sins, their individual starting points of ignoring, disregarding, or deleting another person's right to be equal or equivalent, or even to exist.
It's such an ill-conceived, stupid thought that it's hard to argue against it. It's like Ann Coulter--designed to offend. How can one be so self-important that they not take people as thinking, feeling, having emotions? How can one deny that we're all people? That’s the basis for America, isn’t it? Equal rights for all. I’m pretty sure that’s in the Constitution somewhere.
Therefore, I surmised that this total ass was off his rocker, and was appalled that I hadn't twigged it before this moment. I was dealing with a person who was not well adjusted to reality. The only way out was through.
I broke the silence (we had both been studying in his dorm room) with a loud *"I'm gonna go now, I'm breaking up with you, Good-bye."* This, it turned out, in his little worldview, didn't take. It's likely that the break up was so sudden and matter-of-fact that he didn't have time to argue about it, and because 5 minutes of him talking was not part of the conversation, he had no reason to ponder my words. It's more likely that he didn't hear me because he didn't think (at least on that day) that women were worth hearing.
Three months later he comes up to me and says "You've been cheating on me! You should be ashamed of yourself! Come with me and I'll work it out!"
It turns out that not only did he not hear "I'm breaking up with you," but also that he thought I had been giving him the silent treatment for over two months. The cheating part came in when I started dating again.
I just stared at him, jaw agape. I shouted something about not touching the crazy anymore, standing up for myself, and issuing a hearty "Good-bye!"
What happened after that? Another story, for another time.
We have this community online, because in this darkened room of type, nothing matters but presentation and facts. Bloggers have the same rights, everybody who can type has a voice. (Of course, this is probably why so many people get upset over Trusted User status. TU status begs the question "Aren’t I good enough?" And how our little hearts flame when we are told the answer is "no.")
Get out of crazy town, whenever you find people who, in their heart of hearts, do not value other people. Hold your head up high.
And always remember your right...not to touch the crazy.
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