Navel-gazing head-humpers

And we thought the endless meta of blogdom was insufferable...

It’s got nothing on the theater of the truly absurd, featuring professional, navel-gazing head-humpers (better known as the news media and its kith and kin, the pundit class).

David Gregory
You can’t spend two full days as guest host on Hardball wallowing in the over-hype of your pal Don Imus finally losing his job over racist remarks, wondering aloud if, “the punishment fits the crime,” without people questioning your journalistic instincts and integrity.

You’re a “newsman,” right? Need we bloggers remind you?

During those two days: 100,000 US Army troops had their tours of duty in Iraq and Afghanistan extended to fifteen months; an insurgent bomber penetrated the heavily fortified Green Zone, killing two Sunni Arab legislators and six others while injuring 23 more; the abysmal failure of the so-called surge in Iraq has made April 2007 the deadliest month for US troops and coalition forces since fall of Baghdad in April 2003; countless e-mails to and from White House staffers have been deleted in violation of the Presidential Records Act; and we’ve learned that the White House has quietly been trying in vain to fill a “war czar” position that would essentially replace Bush as Commander in Chief.

The only transparency you’re handing me these days is frequent insight into how enchanting you find yourself and the machinations of the unduly prestigious crowd you frolic with.  

PS. That arrhythmic paroxysm you call dancing is as aesthetically offensive as your fundamental dishonesty, in hobnobbing with the very people you’re supposed to be objectively informing the public about, is to me intellectually. Seriously. Just stick to humping the heads of those that rely on you for their civic bearing; your “work” there still sucks, and blows, but at least we’re spared the nauseous visual.

Brian Williams
Mr. Call-Me-Bond—you know, the leering and smarmy Roger Moore version; not so much slick as greasy.

Dude, what are you pulling down from NBC per year, several hundred grand or more, for these vaunted credentials to cover your field of work? You’ve got to have some kind of pathetic chip on your shoulder to feel professionally threatened by a blogger, whether bathrobe-clad or decked out in a custom Dunhill suit, while reaching tens of millions of viewers a night on your network news gig.

My man, that thing on your shoulder is the weight of guilt. You’re being overpaid to blow it, and you know it.

You bloated oaf. You sit there holding a gigantic cultural megaphone. You’ve got teams of dedicated people working to help you do thorough research, call on hard-to-land sources, protect yourself and your sources from being sued or fired every time powerful people and forces take exception to what they hear on your newscast. But I’m supposed to buy into the idea that all of these professional journalistic assets are no match for the threat of an opinionated “Vinny”.

And what is your problem with people living in efficiency apartments in the Bronx having (gasp) opinions anyway?

Clutch the Hermes tie! Impoverished people have thoughts we haven’t relentlessly drummed into their heads. Man the ramparts with our dupes and let loose the crocodiles in the moat; we’re under siege by modem-using thinkers!

Um, yeah brother, I feel for you.

It must be quite a blow to your delicate ego to learn that your “news” product is becoming worthless to those of us that actually want to get our bearings so we can assess the real damages (that head-humpers like yourself, inadvertently or otherwise, helped to create) and figure out where to go from here.

I don’t imagine that it ever occurred to you that we have jobs too, and that it takes time and energy to vet every claim you people make nowadays. The difference between people in your position and the vast majority of bloggers is that we don't get paid to be journalist, editor and anchor or publisher. We do this for free because it means more to us to be well informed than well rested. So, put a lid on your histrionics. I'm too exhausted to care about any effect that my effort to educate myself (while you highly paid professionals go AWOL) may have on your wretched vainglory anymore; I think I can safely speak for “Vinny” too.




Folks, some of these I do just for me.

•  this is too incredible for words!

  in college, my friends and I called ourselves...

  the navel-gazing head-humpers, correct hyphenation and all!!!

   can you believe it...???

  by condoleaser on Fri Apr 13, 2007 at 05:41:55 AM PDT

  •  That's crazy, if true.

    I know I'm painting with an awfully broad brush here but these people do us no better when they refer to bloggers the way they do.

    My only regret is that I don't have a chance to avoid their commentary on us, but they'll never see my commentary about them.

    by Kimberley on Fri Apr 13, 2007 at 05:48:34 AM PDT

    •  nah

      made it up on the spot.

      by condoleaser on Fri Apr 13, 2007 at 05:52:59 AM PDT

•  It's been a long week

  I've been working like dog and I'm, finally, off to bed after this ill-tempered rant.

  Feel free to add your own condemnations of wankers I didn't have the energy to lay into.

  And, as always, find something (anything) to laugh about today.

  by Kimberley on Fri Apr 13, 2007 at 05:43:43 AM PDT

  •  A KimberleyRant© is always welcome

    in these parts. Keep putting finger tips to keys, woman.

    by bumblebums on Fri Apr 13, 2007 at 05:59:16 AM PDT

•  Williams is getting his ass

  handed to him by the Vinnys of the world.  He's a little crabby.  

  by chicago minx on Fri Apr 13, 2007 at 05:48:23 AM PDT

  •  Oh the sound and fury

    of Brian Williams' disgruntlement. Could he have made a more ridiculous spectacle of himself, getting the vapors like this?

    Hilarious.

    by bumblebums on Fri Apr 13, 2007 at 06:02:30 AM PDT

•  War Czar.

  Why would a perfectly competent General take a position that ties his or her hands?
  This maladministration is not going to put someone in this position and let them think freely about the best course of action.
  Bushco has broken the army, and no amount of cajoling is going to get another yes-general in place.

  by manwithnoname on Fri Apr 13, 2007 at 05:50:44 AM PDT

•  I love a rant

  driven by exhaustion and sickness, first thing in the morning - really!

  You know, the inhibitions are the first thing to go, and the slightly psychedelic effect of fatigue lends itself to creating some truly funny, and damaging images.

  Clutch the Hermes tie! Impoverished people have thoughts we haven’t relentlessly drummed into their heads. Man the ramparts with our dupes and let loose the crocodiles in the moat; we’re under siege by modem-using thinkers!

  And some of them still use dial-up, I mean, how do they expect to be taken seriously? /snark>

  by RichRandal on Fri Apr 13, 2007 at 05:59:46 AM PDT

•  "Wretched Vainglory"....an expression for the

  ages...and as Dave Barry would say, it sounds like a good name for a rock band.

  I don't have much of an opinion either way about Brian Williams, although I was sorely tested some years back when the Washpost ran an article on him. Here's this handsome guy, younger than me, pulling down some $2M a year, saying in his fancy Connecticut house that what really matters to him is making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for his daughters' lunch. Awww.....barf. OK, sure, I'm envious; I admit it. But I still had no real opinion.

  Now, however, I'm getting the impression that BW is a shill for his Republican masters (which makes me wonder why he'd worry about being sued when he wouldn't ever say anything that would upset the Powers That Be). And here I thought he'd actually done some award-worthy reporting fairly recently. How fallen are the mighty...

  by Champurrado on Fri Apr 13, 2007 at 07:01:32 AM PDT