ENGLAND - Tony Blair delivered a powerful State Of The Commonwealth address to a divided Parliament today demanding regime change in the United States and warning of "a right jolly imminent threat."
"President Bush is a brutal dictator who has access to stockpiles of biological, chemical, and nuclear weapons, and his well-funded programs to advance the development of same is an open secret," said Mr. Blair. "In addition, MI6 has rock-solid evidence that America is planning to use these weapons against England's interests."
Americans reacted to Mr. Blair's speech with dismay. "What the hell is he talking about? Really?" said Larry Buck of Wisconsin. "Shee-oot."
Blair posed a great need for immediate action. "I urge this Parliament to license me to use Supreme Scrum Power as soon as possible. Mr. Bush is a brutal dictator and was responsible for the little-discussed subway bombings too."
British citizens were of mixed opinion. "How is America responsible for that??" said Miss Felicity Bleck. "Why dontcha shut up ya filthy unpatriotic spike??" responded an ale-quaffing fellow nearby.
Mr. Bush upon waking up that afternoon gave the following response to Mr. Blair: "You're only trying to invade us because of our rich natural resources, and because we're pricing oil on the dollar instead of the Euro, you colonial imperialists!"
Nevertheless, the invasion is scheduled in a fortnight. The Americans will greet us with wine and cheese once a few isolated pockets of American "Minutemen" are cleaned up by the elite Redcoat Squad. For extensive coverage of the Reality TV phenomenon, turn to our Fall TV Special on page 3!