The President of the United States is spying on you. So? September the 11th. Do you have anything to hide? What are you really downloading on the Internet? Why did you check that treasonous liberal book out of the library? Why did you buy that immoral, lustful present? As a business owner, how could you sell your services to a person who knew a person, who knew a person, who may have contributed money to an Islamic foundation that may or may not send funds to an organization that may or may not be terrorist related? How could you? Thank God the President of the United States authorized the National Security Agency (NSA) to intercept all of your phone calls and Internet activity. I feel safer. September the 11th.
I certainly don't have anything to hide. September the 11th. I've never done anything wrong, immoral, embarrassing, or even slightly sinful. So I have nothing to worry about. September the 11th. I feel privileged that the President is spying on me. It's like he's taken an interest in me, he's watching over me. It makes me feel safe knowing that no matter what I do, wherever I go, no matter how private the setting, the President is watching me. September the 11th.
I have written to my congressman, Republican Mike Oxley, to suggest that we expand this spying program to include all domestic activity as well. I asked him to propose a bill that will place video cameras or web cam in every bedroom in America. This way we can be sure that Terrorists aren't hiding there. September the 11th. Eventually this program can be expanded to provide cameras in every part of our homes. Especially bathrooms, terrorist love to hide in bathrooms.
Next, every phone call made by every American should be recorded and analyzed for any potential terrorist activity. September the 11th. The bonus is, that since we already have the information, it would be criminal not to scrutinize these phone calls for possible murders, robberies, tax evasion, adultery, dissenting political views, or any crime at all.
If you are a law (September the 11th) abiding, god fearing, moral, upstanding citizen you should support these laws and especially the President. To criticize the President in a time of war is treasonous. September the 11th. Even if the war on terror is predicted to last a minimum of 100 years, what is a century of surrendering and forfeiting our namby-pamby bleeding heart liberal civil liberties compared with the patriotic, valiant, true American conservative vision of the future? September the 11th. No Taxes for corporations, no regulation, no pensions, no welfare, no social security, no Medicaid, a camera in every bedroom, a listener on every phone call, a national religion, and an indictment of treason, punishable by death for any dissenting opinion, accusation, or question. Especially liberals. Liberals will be guilty until proven innocent. We do not torture. September the 11th. Mission Accomplished. We're doing a Heckuva job. We're turning the corner, they're in their last throes. Freedom is on the march. September the 11th. Osama Bin Ladin? I don't really think about him, he doesn't really concern me.
In conclusion: September the 11th. And God Bless America.