Martial Law: a New Conspiracy Theory
Sun Apr 22, 2007 at 05:37:38 AM PDT
Just when you thought it was safe to see the 9/11 conspiracy die down, there’s a new doozy being floated out there. I first heard it at one of those liberal confabs that goes on all the time by a guy at the conference who I've run into before at other political events and, I thought, should know better.
Anyway, this new conspiracy theory – what I will call the "Martial Law Conspiracy" - goes something like this:
The reason that Pelosi and Reid took impeachment off the table in the wake of the 2006 elections is because Bush met with them privately and threatened that if there were impeachment proceedings that he would disband Congress and declare martial law. Thus, the Democrats are now too afraid to pursue impeachment proceedings against Bush.
Now, it’s not that I don’t think that the Bushies wouldn’t try to do something like that. I think it's obvious to everyone by now that Bush, Cheney, and rest of these traitors are not above anything to save their own skins. Nor do I think it’s impossible for the Dems to knuckle under to the fascist-in-chief. After all, they’ve done it on multiple occasions (though only while they were the minority party).
But why the Martial Law Conspiracy is a laughable one is due to the political realities facing Bush in the real world, not to mention their inability to actually pull off such a cockamamie scheme.
One can imagine this very real response from Pelosi and Reid to Bush’s hypothetical threat:
"Mr. President, your party just got its ass handed to it. Worse than anything that's happened to us in one election since... well, ever. Even most of the Republicans that did survive are running as fast as they can away from anything you have to say. And make no mistake, that’s not as a result of the 'liberal media' or 'the terrorists' – it’s because of you losing Iraq, Bin Laden, and New Orleans".
Pelosi patiently explains. "Your approval ratings sit somewhere in the mid 30s and it doesn’t look like you’ll be getting a 'man of the year' award anytime soon. But aside from all that, let me just ask you... how do you plan to carry out this threat you’ve just made? I mean, how does this Martial Law idea work logistically?"
"The way we see it, your order to disband Congress will be ridiculed by the media as an obvious way to avoid your eminent impeachment. They will not support it. The American people will not either. And since nearly all of our armed forces are bogged down in your failed military adventures, you have no way to enforce your Martial Law. Our party now controls over half the governorships right now. We will make sure that no Democratic governors obey your directives. Your only hope would be an intervention by the Supreme Court, ruling that what you were proposing was legal and necessary. That is highly unlikely. At best you get three votes in support of this nonsense. Those three judges, by the way, will be removed and tried for treason - as will you – after things calm down. Seeing the political crisis and realizing that your administration is doomed, the Joint Chiefs will most likely order all American field commanders to halt operations until the domestic situation is resolved. You should know too that in the event things do not unfold as we predict, we still hold an ace card – a general strike. One that, to be fair, will probably only be followed by about 25% of the country’s workers, but which is still enough to bring the country to a standstill. Especially in the key points of the economy where our union allies still have influence: the transportation industry. Once aircraft mechanics, pilots, attendants, dockworkers, and truckers decide not to go to work, the market crashes. At which point, your party’s financial backers decide you’re not worth the risk anymore and throw you to the wolves. The Achilles Heel of conservative ideology, greed, will ironically do you in Mr. President, as your strongest supporters use their influence in the media to demand that you be immediately removed from office so that they can keep their fortunes".
Pelosi leans forward. "Now, where that leaves you, the Vice-President, and your staff is hunkered down in the White House with a contingent of Secret Service agents who may follow your orders or who may just as well arrest the whole lot of you. In any case, Capitol Police and National Guard units from surrounding states will breach the White House by any means necessary and place you and all responsible parties under arrest for crimes of high treason against the United States of America. Due to the chain of command and the rule of law, the House Majority leader – myself – will assume the duties of the president. I will appoint an interim attorney general to lead the case against you and your co-conspirators and I can assure you that the state will be seeking the death penalty for the nature of your crimes."
Reid sits back in his chair. "Now, Mr. President, having told us your intentions and us sharing with you what we strongly feel will be the likely response, and since you’ve revealed your threat in the presence of witnesses, the question I’d like to ask you is this: would you like to tender your resignation now or after we’ve reported this threat to the American people? We’ll give you ten seconds to decide."
Know the playing field, my conspiratorial friends. Don’t think that the Bushies haven’t already pondered trying this – they know what will happen.
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