BREAKING Snark: White House uncovers Hatch Act signing Statement from FDR in 1939!

Washington DC:
April 26, 2007.

The White House reported today through Big-Girl-Panty-Wearing Acting Press Secretary Dana Rerino that it has uncovered a signing statement issued by President Roosevelt in 1939 when the "Hatch Act" was signed into law.

A very excited Perino said that it is uncanny that a lousy Democrat President like FDR could have been so prescient and insightful when it came to such unreasonable legislation.

The Hatch Act is credited with ending patronage in U.S. Politics, and made it illegal for Government employees to engage in partisan politics.

Newly discovered statement below the fold:

For Immediate Release
Office of the Press Secretary
August 2, 1939
President's Statement on Signing of the "Act to Prevent Pernicious Political Activities"
Heh, heh; Today, I have signed into law the "Act to Prevent Pernicious Political Activities" commonly known as the "Hatch Act."
Section 2 of that act says,  "It shall be unlawful for any person employed in any administrative position by the United States, or by any department, independent agency, or other agency of the United States (including any corporation controlled by the United States or any agency thereof, and any corporation all of the capital stock of which is owned by the United States or any agency thereof ), to use his official authority for the purpose of interfering with, or affecting the election or the nomination of any candidate for the office of President, Vice President, Presidential electors Member of the Senate, or Member of the House of Representatives, Delegates or Commissioners from the Territories and insular possessions."
The executive branch shall construe this provision to apply only to the Democrat Party of which I, Franklin Delanore Roosevelt, am a member.
If someone decides to help get a Republican loyalist a job as pay back for being a Republican loyalist, then Section 3 "It shall be unlawful for any person, directly or indirectly, to promise any employment, position, work, compensation, or other benefit, provided for or made possible ill whole or in part by any Act of Congress, to give consideration, favor, or reward for any political activity or for the support of or opposition to any candidate or any political party in any election."  Will be construed as useless as that Constitution thingy.
As a matter of fact the executive office will construe the entire act as invalid.  
If at some time in the future a devilishly handsome and clever assistant to the President (that’s me FDR) should decide to hold special meetings at the GSA or the Department of Transportation or even HUD or one of those ones that doesn’t exist yet like the Office of National Drug Control Policy that help pinpoint which of "Our Candidates" (that’s the good god fearing Republicans, not us godless Democrat Party members) can use help from Departments created and funded by an act of Congress, it will be construed as "Completely Appropriate."  He might use a "Power Point" (That’s a future thing, but don’t worry along with my Presidential infallibility I was blessed with future sight. I will ask Congress; no I will Tell Congress to pass a bill that only allows Republican Presidents to have special powers in the future, like the eye gazing,/soul searching power. We Democrat Presidents are not godly enough for such tremendous power.) presentation, and that will be construed as "Good."
.
The executive office shall insist that all Constitutional authority reside with the Prez’nit (That’s me.  I don’t know why the call me "Teddy" since my name is Franklin. "Franky" would make more sense; like when I go to Hollywood. Heh heh. I must have wicked strong arms to have pushed my wheelchair up San Juhwan Hill though.)
So, in closing, the Hatch Act is only for sissy Democrat people.
FRANKLIN DELANORE ROOSEVELT
THE WHITE HOUSE,
August 2, 1939.
P.S. Here is a picture of a cat to prove my sincerity.
                                   _
                  /__/\
                 /`    '\
           === 0  0 ===
                 \  --  /
                /        \
               /          \
              |            |
               \  ||  ||  /
            _oo__oo_/#######o

Update:(An easier cat than the first. Came from here:http://www.xmission.com/~emailbox/ascii_cats.htm)

•  Franklin Delanore Roosevelt

  that's funny stuff.

  by Night Owl on Thu Apr 26, 2007 at 10:11:21 PM PDT

  •  It's a tough name

    Plus he had to draw his cat with a keyboard.

    by mungley on Thu Apr 26, 2007 at 10:14:03 PM PDT

•  Cat?

  All I know is if you read it out loud really fast, it sounds like a jetski having a heated argument with a Portugese baker.  But it's hard to tell who wins in the end.

  by jhop7 on Thu Apr 26, 2007 at 10:18:15 PM PDT

  •  I can update with one more simple

    It's facing right.

    by mungley on Thu Apr 26, 2007 at 10:23:26 PM PDT