And where has it got me?
I was reading the white house press release from two days ago. (I have time on my hands in jail to learn about laws and the constitution, and stuff, ever since I got busted for selling meth.) Their speechifying made my brain fuzzy. So I translated what Attorney General Gonzales, and General Hayden were saying to plain english to make sense of it.
When I started to get what they were saying I got mad. Cause basically I agree with them. Sometimes you got to bend the rules to survive. But every time I have tried one of the stunts they are trying to pull I get in trouble. My parole officer says I have to learn a new way to live. I am totally confused.
My question is: How can they get away with this shit when I can't?
Excerpted from the
White House press briefing 12/19/05
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Q You're never supposed to spy on Americans....wiretapping everybody and listening in on --
GONZALES: This is not about wiretapping everyone. This is a very concentrated, very limited program focused at gaining information about our enemy.
Translation:
BAD THINGS ARE ONLY BAD IF YOU DO THEM ALOT. It's ok because we only spy on a few people. And we are just spying on them to get information about bad guys.
I agree. I did make crystal meth in my garage, but I only made limited batches. And I only did it when I needed the money for emergencies like my kids' medical bills.
General Hayden: The period of time in which we do this is, in most cases, far less than that which would be gained by getting a court order.
Translation:
SEE ABOVE. It's such a short bit of spying you will never notice it.
I agree. I once had sex with my husband's best friend, but it was just a quickie. It only lasted 10 minutes, so technically it wasn't really sex. right? My husband didn't agree with me when he found out, however.
Translation #2:
- TOO MUCH HARD WORK. It would be a royal pain for the NSA to work so hard getting all those retroactive warrants for these little teeny bits of spying. Why should we have to spend more time getting warrants than we do spying?
Absolutely. Last time I got a speeding ticket I was going 70 in a 35 mile zone. But I was only speeding for 3 minutes! Ok, I admit I did't have a license to drive. I told the officer "Usually my husband drives.
And It's such a waste of my time to wait in line for hours to get a license when I hardly ever drive." He gave me a ticket anyway.
General Hayden: What we are talking about here are communications we have every reason to believe are al Qaeda communications...
Translation:
LAZINESS. We believe this, so that should be good enough. We could bring this evidence to court, we just don't feel like it.
I tried this out in High School. I left a math test completely blank because I was bored stiff with algebraic equations. The teacher asked why I didn't I take the test, when I usually got A's. I told her I knew all the answers, ...couldn't she just trust me? She gave me an F.
Q: Why didn't you seek a new statute that allowed something like this legally?
GONZALES: We believe Congress has authorized this kind of surveillance. We've had discussions with ... certain members of Congress, about [getting] an amendment to FISA, and we were advised ....that was not something we could likely get, ...and so a decision was made that ... we should continue moving forward with this program.
Translation: WHY BOTHER. We thought about it for 5 minutes, but decided we might not get it, so we blew Congress off. And besides they already said it was ok, but I forget when that was..
Totally. I had a waitressing job in college. I was being evicted and needed some quick cash. I asked a few waiters what my chances were of getting an advance on my paycheck. They said the manager was mean and I probably wouldn't get it. I took my advance out of the cash register one night when I was closing up. When the manager caught me I said "um, don't you remember you told me I could borrow $200... He fired me on the spot.
So, as you can see, I have been trying to live by Bush's moral values of expediency, and taking care of business, if you know what I mean, all my life. What I want to know is:
How come they're in the White House and I'm in jail?
If anyone here knows someone in the Bush administration who could get me an interview with Andy Card... I think I could help them out. I think I would fit in really good there. I could go on talk shows for them and explain how sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do to survive, y'know?
Maybe then I could get out on parole really quick.
On the other hand maybe they'll be leaving the white House soon for the Big House.
That would be really cool to get to have lunch with the President in the prison cafeteria sometimes!