Vice President Dick Cheney has been mysteriously absent from the public eye as of late prompting many to speculate that the Bush administration has purposely kept him out of sight because he's such a heinous asshole.
"Not true," said spokesperson Clancy Wiley. "Actually the Vice President has been working hard to making illegal arms deals with several foreign dictators, all of whom we will eventually declare war on."
Yesterday the Vice President emerged from one of those meetings and had to be rushed to the hospital after stepping into the morning light.
According to Wiley, the Vice President was leaving an underground bunker where he had just completed an all night meeting.
"He was a bit disoriented and didn't realize it was daylight," said Wiley. "The minute he walked outside he started screaming and smoldering."
Aides immediately rushed the Vice President back inside and he was eventually transported to the hospital in his specially designed "black-out vehicle."
According to hospital sources the Vice President needed several blood transfusions, all of which he took by mouth.