Antigay Bigotry Strikes Again: High School Prom Edition

Amanda Howe will not be attending the Marian High School Junior/Senior prom. Left without a date, the high school student planned to attend the prom with another (platonic) female friend. But as Amanda tells WSJV News:

I was going to take my friend, Justine, who graduated last year, but they decided that they wouldn't let her come. They told me at the end of last week that they wouldn't allow her coming because she was same sex.

Amanda isn't even gay. But homophobic bigotry is so thick in this Catholic high school in northern Indiana that Amanda's sexual orientation seemed lost on school administrators.

Amanda's father Bill spoke with high school administrators about the decision and found that they were unwilling to budge. As Bill told the Indianapolis Star

"I think (Catholic schools are) becoming more and more afraid that they're going to have gay couples at their event."

Marian principal Carl Loesch was too much of a coward to go on-record defending his bigotry. He declined to comment to media involved in the case, but did have enough nerve to issue this statement to the local Fox News affiliate:

We are blessed to have 375 students attending our prom this weekend. In addition, we have dozens of parents and volunteers giving of their time to host an after prom party from midnight to 3 a.m. It will be great to see so many young people celebrating their successful school year, and they do have much to celebrate. For the past two years, this senior class has completely embraced a classmate who joined them after the Hurricanes in New Orleans. They have prayed with and for their teachers suffering illness and loss. They have worked hard in the classroom and in their activities to develop their God given talents. Our junior class is hosting this prom for the seniors and juniors who choose to come as individuals or as traditional dates. I look forward to the dance this weekend.

Well, Mr. Loesch, let me say something to you: "YOU ARE A BIGOT.". While the "traditional couples" at your school are enjoying the prom, have you considered the fact that there may be gay or lesbian students feeling alone and isolated friends? Have you considered the fact that gay and lesbian youth are more likely than their peers to suffer from depression and other forms of mental illness? Have you considered the fact that gay and lesbian youth are more likely than their peers to commit suicide? Simply denying the existence of gay people will not make them go away. You're so blinded by your faith that you refuse to see the exclusion that you've created, and you ought to be ashamed of that.  

As blogger Leo Morris notes on the Fort Wayne News-Sentinel's website, the concept of going alone to a prom historically has no sexual connotations associated with it.

When I was in high school, guys went to the prom together all the time, and it never have occurred to anybody that anything gay was going on. Sometimes, it was called "going stag," which was a euphemism for "loser guys afraid to ask a girl for a date."

.

Update: Marian High School's phone number is (574)-259-5257. Please be civil if you decide to call. I'm going to call once I call down a bit. People like Carl Loesch are too stupid to change their minds, but he needs to be made aware that his bigotry will be met with disapproval by a lot of people.

•  tips?

  As a gay male of Catholic upbringing, stories like this make me infuriated. People who still think that antigay discrimination is okay need to be socially shamed.

  by pine on Fri May 04, 2007 at 02:24:42 PM PDT

  •  oh he no doubt considered all those things

    and then proceeded to wipe his ass with the bible so he could feel closer to gawd...

    by tony the American Mutt on Fri May 04, 2007 at 02:29:19 PM PDT

•  Bring a boy, Amanda...

  ... but don't even THINK about having sex with him!

  by Mehitabel9 on Fri May 04, 2007 at 02:25:38 PM PDT

  •  not vaginal sex anyway

    gotta preserve that hymen after all! LOL!

    by tony the American Mutt on Fri May 04, 2007 at 02:30:08 PM PDT

  •  Or how about bringing a gay boy and let him

    cross dress? Can't deny it's a boy after all!

    by MA Liberal on Fri May 04, 2007 at 02:41:34 PM PDT

•  I went to see the Stones...

  ...instead of going to my prom.  Backed by the Standells, We Five and the Seeds.

  Some things were too hard.

  by rserven on Fri May 04, 2007 at 02:30:54 PM PDT

  •  By the way I edited your tag list...

    ...so I can add the link to my education diary rescue in the morning.

    by rserven on Fri May 04, 2007 at 02:32:50 PM PDT

  •  nice

    I'd totally have gone to the Stones if it had been the night of my prom.

    As it was, I didn't go to either my junior or senior prom (I was still in the closet and too scared to ask a girl to go with me). In college a few years later, I ended up being a "stand-in" date for a friend's younger sister after her boyfriend dumped her the night before her prom.

    by pine on Fri May 04, 2007 at 02:36:17 PM PDT

    •  John??? Is that you??? ;-)

      by Mehitabel9 on Fri May 04, 2007 at 02:39:02 PM PDT

      •  alas . . .

        . . . my first name is Ben. I did once date someone named John, though ;-)

        by pine on Fri May 04, 2007 at 02:42:12 PM PDT

  •  Stones were no doubt more fun

    I didn't go to my prom either, both out of lack of interest and not wanting to deal with the homophobic crap or whatnot. One of the guys at my highschool did take his boyfriend to prom, though, right before graduation -- and it was friggin' awesome. Quite a few people threw a fit about it, but a whole lot of kids I would've never suspected stood up for them.

    My city usually has an annual gay prom put on by some of the local orgs, but I haven't looked to see what's up with it this year. A lot of the schools around here have gotten better about it, but it's still far from easy.

    by Spit on Fri May 04, 2007 at 02:55:37 PM PDT

•  In 1984,

  a classmate of mine was prevented from bringing her girlfriend to our prom.  I invited the girlfriend to go "as my date", and let the two of them dance once we were inside.  To my surprise, none of the school officials asked us to leave, and I was filled with pride at my first direct political action.  (I came out myself the following year.)  

  I hope some guy will step up and escort Justine inside the door, and force the school to decide whether to interrupt the "celebration" to make a scene, or to show some tolerance.

  by osterizer on Fri May 04, 2007 at 02:32:57 PM PDT

  •  From the diary

    it doesn't say anything about Justine's sexual preference. The girls are 'platonic friends' and the school won't let any same sex couples into the prom.

    by cosette on Fri May 04, 2007 at 02:49:19 PM PDT

    •  Exactly, that makes

      it even more outrageous, i.e. there was no intent to be a "lesbian couple."

      I've seen friends "take each other" without any trouble, at a Catholic school.

      However, why couldn't they have "gone by themselves," then hung out together, if the school objected to them going together?

      by BlueEngineerInOhio on Fri May 04, 2007 at 03:03:34 PM PDT

      •  They couldn't have "gone by themselves"...

        ...as the girl she was going to take with her graduated last year, thus the other girl can't go without being the guest of someone.

        by vacantlook on Fri May 04, 2007 at 03:32:40 PM PDT

    •  Let me clarify:

      I'm male.  I took Mary's girlfriend as my opposite-sex "date", Mary entered alone.  Once we were inside, I let them dance together.  

      The school decided not to interrupt the prom to challenge us once we were inside.

      by osterizer on Fri May 04, 2007 at 03:27:39 PM PDT

•  Happened in Boston too...

  A girl at a local Catholic school who is bisexual, has been denied permission to bring her same-sex date. The Superintendent of the local diocese has said:

  "We're not looking for trouble at our prom," George A. Milot, superintendent of schools in the Diocese of Fall River, said. "Having boys bring boys or girls bring girls opens the door to all kinds of scenarios that could lead to problems. We're not willing to open the door. We're sticking with tradition; we have enough problems as it is."
  He insisted the diocesean schools are not discriminating against gays and lesbians.
  "Rules are made by schools that anyone can call discrimination if they want," he said in a telephone interview. "The school has the right to make rules in the best interests of the students. We teach tolerance towards people who may be gay. That is not the issue at all. That's the confusion. It's against gay sexual activity."

  So, like, the straight kids won't be engaging in sexual activity before (during) or after the Prom? Not discrimination? Yeah, right.

  by MA Liberal on Fri May 04, 2007 at 02:40:52 PM PDT

  •  Sounds like he thinks there's going

    to be a huge gay orgy in the middle of the gym floor. 'Cause you know what happens when you let teh gays in! They might sway others to their "lifestyle."

    by Indexer on Fri May 04, 2007 at 02:44:37 PM PDT

    •  It's the spreading the gay disease through

      touching.  It's highly contagious, just ask Dobson.

      by blueoasis on Fri May 04, 2007 at 03:23:34 PM PDT

  •  typical of them

    One thing I've learned about the Catholic Church is that they usually can't be persuaded to reverse illogical decisions because of their authoritarian streak.

    As a former Catholic myself, I've come to believe that the church will eventually experience a slow-but-steady loss of influence that will marginalize the societal influence of the church.

    by pine on Fri May 04, 2007 at 02:47:51 PM PDT

    •  I'm just sorry that they've turned their backs

      on the great compassionate, socialist Catholic paradigm. You know, the Daniel Berrigans and such. back in the 1960's and 1970's Catholics were up front in the war in Vietnam and against discrimination. Now they seem to have taken a much harder line.
      It's all about white male power.

      by MA Liberal on Fri May 04, 2007 at 03:04:27 PM PDT

      •  Not all of them

        Jesuits still maintain a commitment to social justice through "liberation theology."

        by BlueEngineerInOhio on Fri May 04, 2007 at 03:24:58 PM PDT

        •  Not all of them ...

          ...there are plenty of conservative Jesuits.

          by Meteor Blades on Fri May 04, 2007 at 04:07:27 PM PDT

    •  From your mouth to God's Ear..

      Great Diary.

      by davidincleveland on Fri May 04, 2007 at 05:56:17 PM PDT

•  What's the big deal about the prom?

  Okay, this comment is not spefically relevant to the diary, which involves a straight girl, but here goes.

  I had to be forced to go to the prom both years I went (I hadn't yet come out).  I had ZERO interest in putting on a girly dress and participating in a hetero ritual (even though I didn't recognize it as such at the time).  The only fun I had was sitting in on drums with the band.  I looked soooo ladylike in my prom dress with a snare drum between my knees.

  Gay kids should stop supporting the straight beauty pageant (and celebration of teenage intoxication) that is the prom and create their own alternate event.  It'd be a hell of a lot more creative and fun.

  by bolgia7 on Fri May 04, 2007 at 02:52:15 PM PDT

  •  Yeah, honestly,

    I think the prom is pretty stupid, but I was always one of those weirdo kids that would rather have clawed out my own eyeballs than go to something like that (and I'd have had to go in a tux, because there is no -- I mean no -- force in the world that gets me into dresses). I believe that night I had a bonfire with my friends, at which we had a pretty good time.

    But gay kids should have every right to go, if they want to. I guess I view it a little like the marriage thing -- I have no interest in getting married, and think the institution is basically baggage-filled BS, but equality demands that it be as available for boring gay people as it is for boring straight ones. :P

    by Spit on Fri May 04, 2007 at 03:05:52 PM PDT

    •  Proms almost died out in many schools

      during the early 70's.  It would have been much better if they had.  They really have no role other than a meaningless tradition.  Long ago when entertainment, transportation, social options were limited there was probably good reason for high schools to sponsor proms.  Today, it's mainly become an expense competition.  I think that it's one of many traditions that is only continued for the sake of the tradition itself.

      by blueoasis on Fri May 04, 2007 at 03:30:17 PM PDT

      •  Where I grew up

        it was basically a big end of the year drunk-fest. Kids didn't really try to one-up each other on expense too much, but it was mostly a country school, so a lot of 'em didn't come from much money, but they did one-up each other on heavy drinking.

        I didn't personally see how it was any different than any of the other school dances and events that I hated. I didn't go to homecoming to watch our bumpkin school get consistently slaughtered by the nearby rich kid school in a sport I didn't care about anyway, so why would I have gone to prom?

        But for some reason, it's maintained this emotional status as some kind of Big Deal for a lot of kids. And I can sympathize, I guess -- it's hard learning that the traditions and institutions that everybody around you values are really, well, kind of dumb when you get down to it.

        by Spit on Fri May 04, 2007 at 03:37:04 PM PDT

  •  I got called into the principal's office

    She offered to find me a date, and asked me to go to the prom.  I said no, thank you, I just have no interest.

    We in Houston have a group HATCH that has an annual prom for LBGT youth, which is great.

    by sberel on Fri May 04, 2007 at 03:13:23 PM PDT

  •  OK. But why should straight kids have to ...

    ...suffer this stupid ritual alone? Alternative events would probably attract a lot of people - straight and gay.

    by Meteor Blades on Fri May 04, 2007 at 04:03:51 PM PDT

    •  I would love to see

      fewer straight kids get pressured into going, too -- hell, have a party for the end of the year or something, plan a camping trip or something with friends with the money you'd spend on clothes and transit, whatever.

      But then, to be fair, there's a difference between choosing not to go because you'd rather do something else and not being allowed to go unless you're willing to stay nicely in the closet. I didn't even want to go, but it still chafed like hell that I would've had to tolerate lots of shit if I had. And "alternative events" that aren't specifically gay or gay friendly don't escape that problem -- because the straight kids just dominate, like everywhere else.

      There's been a "controversy" locally for a few years where one of the gay nightclubs has had a huge influx of straight folks, and while nobody has a problem with a few friends and allies coming to drink and hang out, at some point it started being a hang out for tons of straight folks who have zero connection to the community and, in fact, make a point of making it perpetually clear that they're not gay ("not that there's anything wrong with that", of course). It's hard to put up with that sort of thing, because you know... straight people have tons of bars where we're not welcome, while we have a total of four or five where we can feel totally comfortable. That drowning out effect tends to become inevitable over time, and that need for specifically gay space (allies, you're welcome, but this isn't yours, unlike the rest of the world) is more vital than I think a lot of people realize.

      by Spit on Fri May 04, 2007 at 04:20:56 PM PDT

      •  Point well taken. n/t

        by Meteor Blades on Fri May 04, 2007 at 04:54:40 PM PDT

      •  Straights taking over gay bars...

        ... is a problem, yeah.  They should just be hit on repeatedly until they get the message and move along. :)

        by bolgia7 on Fri May 04, 2007 at 06:46:00 PM PDT

•  just tried calling

  I just tried calling and got a strange message saying "the machine is off." Apparently the high school staff is either (1) technologically inept or (2) too chicken to take the heat for their decision.

  by pine on Fri May 04, 2007 at 02:55:47 PM PDT

•  Locally, our HS is pretty good

  you have gay couples at prom and kids open about orientation without much of a hassle.  A few of the kids are very open about it - with no major harassment.  Even the Alpha jocks seem to have gotten the message that gay bashing isn't cool.

  Frankly, I'm surprised (and pleased) at the changes over the past 25 years.  Wouldn't have been possible when I was in HS.

  by xrepub on Fri May 04, 2007 at 03:02:54 PM PDT

  •  "Gay" wasn't even an understood term ...

    ...in mainstream society when I was in high school. Thank gawd things have changed, despite needing a lot more changing.

    by Meteor Blades on Fri May 04, 2007 at 04:02:26 PM PDT

•  my daughter took her best male gay friend

  to the prom last year.
  they had a great time.

  by LivesInAShoe on Fri May 04, 2007 at 03:03:19 PM PDT

•  My GF and I

  bootlegged pints in the parking lot during the prom.
  Now that's appropriately Catholic.

  by howth of murph on Fri May 04, 2007 at 03:26:15 PM PDT

•  Check the CDCP and/or the NIH

  There is absolutely no medical or scientific data to support the premise that gay and lesbian youth are more likely than their peers to commit suicide! If you can find any, please post with supporting documentation.

  by Boston Jag on Fri May 04, 2007 at 03:38:18 PM PDT

  •  asdf

    JAMA good enough?

    The difference in rate is still a point of great debate, but very few people debate whether the rate is higher. It's pretty well established.

    by Spit on Fri May 04, 2007 at 03:43:21 PM PDT

    •  Is it just me...

      ...or is there a lot more anti-gay sentiment around here lately?

      by rserven on Fri May 04, 2007 at 04:50:31 PM PDT

      •  This one

        looks like probably an actual troll to me, but it was still worth debunking.

        The anti-gay sentiment seems to come in waves. I'm not sure what it is, honestly. But yeah, there has been more IMO in the past few months.

        by Spit on Fri May 04, 2007 at 04:56:57 PM PDT

        •  I was thinking more along the lines...

          ...of the last week.  Damn gays are demanding more legal protection than straight white men!  

          by rserven on Fri May 04, 2007 at 05:00:41 PM PDT

          •  Maybe so

            I haven't been around as much, as we're in that evil school time of endless projects coming due.

            But the howls around here every time queers demand our rights are pretty amazing to me. Thanks, "allies". I guess we'll just, uh, get back in the back of the line or something, then (actually, my response is much closer to "screw you", though I try to at least be a little polite about it).

            by Spit on Fri May 04, 2007 at 05:04:01 PM PDT

            •  I've even seen my first sighting...

              ...of "Gays should be quiet until after the election."

              by rserven on Fri May 04, 2007 at 05:09:59 PM PDT

              •  Heh

                sightings of that go up around every election. It's on a two year migration path, apparently, with peak appearance around presidential election time.

                Last presidential cycle, I had to defend the crap out of Gavin Newsom for months and months -- and I don't even like Gavin Newsom very much. I wonder what they'll pick this time as the scapegoat for any and every potential democratic loss in the universe.

                We're so inconvenient. Tut, tut.

                by Spit on Fri May 04, 2007 at 05:12:45 PM PDT

              •  Hmm,

                I did not watch the Dem debate, but I read an Ann Coulter column about it.  She was torqued off that Chris Dodd, when asked about marriage equality, thinks about how he would want his daughters (who are young girls) treated if they are lesbians (equally).  She didn't really expound on it, as if the comment itself were so beyond the pale that criticism would be redundant.

                Anyhow, I read that and thought, right on!  I believe if everyone shared that thought process (what if my child is gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender?), this "be quiet until after the election" crap would end, post-haste.  

                by sberel on Fri May 04, 2007 at 07:23:41 PM PDT

        •  a while ago . . .

          Sometime before the election, I remember a encountering a poster who thought it was funny to refer to closeted gay Republicans as "fags." Mark Foley was "fag." Charlie Christ was a "fag" and so on.

          What was most shocking about the entry was that the poster was a fairly regular user on DKos with an otherwise normal comment history. He was rightly troll-rated, but it was nevertheless an eye-opening experience.

          by pine on Fri May 04, 2007 at 06:34:22 PM PDT

      •  yes

        There has been anti-gay sentiment around here lately. To be sure, Daily Kos is still a very GLBT-friendly place, but in any online place this large, there will always be a few people on the margin of the community who see fit to say stupid things.

        As far as I'm concerned, comments like Boston Jag unintentionally draw attention to the discrimination that GLBT people continue to face in American society.

        by pine on Fri May 04, 2007 at 06:31:49 PM PDT

  •  Troll

    by pine on Fri May 04, 2007 at 06:29:03 PM PDT

  •  My understanding

    Is that the suicide attempt/success rate for GLBT youth isn't as high as it was once thought to be, but is still higher than for the general population.  The earlier overestimates were the result of studying mostly kids who attended support groups or lived in shelters for homeless youth; that's a group that pretty much by definition is going to have a higher rate of psychological and social problems than GLBT youth as a whole.

    by ebohlman on Fri May 04, 2007 at 06:45:38 PM PDT