Awakenings

My wife and I are on a journey of discovery. Any good marriage is that, but we are also discovering that attitudes can be changed. First though, they have to be understood. Tonight, a little understanding happened.

It’s three thirty seven am, as I start to type this, My wife is sleeping, noisily, and the kids are away for the weekend, The dogs are asleep, as I should be, and the cats are out looking for lizards, or some such treat to break the never-ending monotony of the Pedigree cat food we supply them with.

Jodie deserves to sleep a long time tonight. She took another major step on the road to realizing that all people are different, yet all are the same; and that difference is a cause for celebration, rather than a reason for fear and enmity.

I run karaoke shows from time to time. Tonight I ran one in an expensive hotel for a wealthy friend. I will call him Jack.

Jack is from India. He arrived in the US in 1971. He went to college and started a business. In the twenty five years that have elapsed since the business opened, both Jack, and his company, have prospered. Tonight we celebrated that 25 years, and Jack’s 50th birthday. Jack was the first member of his family to move to the US. Now there are around fifty. One is a banker, one runs another established company locally, many are children, or at college, or are elders enjoying a decent retirement.

Jack, and his family, epitomize the American Dream, and the benefits to us all of immigration. When I arrived, a little over two years ago, I met Jack in a local bar. He was friendly, and he was very helpful in providing me with opportunities, including parties to DJ. He continues to be helpful and despite him probably being the richest person I actually know in this country, I charge him rather less than I charge other people.

Tonight’s party was a curious affair. It was attended by around one hundred and fifty people, a mix of friends, family, employees and business contacts. They didn’t want to sing much, although they did enjoy the singing by both another guest and myself. Clearly, success in business turns you deaf, but that’s another post. It was, however, very clear that there was a clash of cultures that was very difficult for some people to comprehend. Much Indian music was played. It was the usual scene .... One of the guys would give me a bunch of CDs, with a neatly tabulated sheet asking me to play certain tracks in a particular order; then, as soon as I start, the girls would come rushing in, resplendent in their saris, demanding that I change the order, and casting withering looks in the direction of their menfolk. All very normal. My difficulty was that I don’t have much in the way of Bollywood Hits, and cueing up the next track is tricky, when you have no idea when the first is likely to end.

The culture clash was this .... Many guests simply couldn’t get their heads around the music. Nothing about it appeared to them to relate to life as they knew it. This lead to a general exodus to the designated smoking areas, and a dance floor filled with Indian teens, young Moms and grannies, all having a whale of a time. I heard a few disparaging remarks about the music, and was filled with a sense of loss. Loss that guests who didn’t understand, and didn’t try to understand, were suffering. From my perch all I could see was a room filled with people having a great time. From the 4 year old who waited up until 11 pm for a chance to sing a country music hit, to the very genuine attempts of middle aged white people joining in and having a blast.

I was witnessing a normal, very commonplace, family party. I was a little surprised that others saw it differently. Jodie didn’t. She saw exactly what I was seeing, and it troubled her deeply (several Jack and Cokes contributed). She was mortified that she grew up in an area where people see difference as fearful, colour as an object to be scorned, and if it ain’t sung by Garth Brooks, it ain’t music. I’ll be honest. I don’t much care for Bollywood type tunes. They are unfamiliar, and strange to my ears. On the other hand, when the girls insisted I play the same track three times in a row, telling me it was just the biggest hit ever, I got it.

Jodie wants to know how we can fight these attitudes. How she can shelter her children, my stepchildren, from their father and grandfather who still call black people "nigger"; a word I don’t even like to type, and how we can help them inderstand that a gay couple can be loving and decent, in the face of sneers from Dad. And she complains, that she may be awakening, but she is just one person, what difference will it make?

All the difference in the world, is the real truth, but she can’t hear it yet. Maybe in the morning.

•  "Fighting"...

  ...such attitudes may be the wrong way to look at the problem.  It is only natural for people to be wary and even uneasy of cultures with which they are not familiar.  It is a modern expression of a genetic trait -- fear of the unknown -- that evolved to assist hominids to survive in a hostile world.  The way to overcome this trait is simply through exposure.  Familiarity, they say, breeds contempt -- but I believe that familiarity breeds instead a level of comfort that eliminates this fear of the unknown.  So it's not a fight, it's a process of teaching.  And some students are slower and more obstreperous than others.

  For what it's worth, I can't stand Indian music.  That's not to pass judgment on its value -- I just don't care for it.  But I reserve a special loathing for the music of Garth Brooks!

  by Jon Stafford on Sun Jun 10, 2007 at 02:27:15 AM PDT

  •  Countering ...

    I concur with Jon Stafford, if I understand correctly, in that I think fighting is not always the right approach to viewing this. I do think the cultural inclinations to fear should be countered, but I think that is best accomplished if the task is not viewed (much less framed) as a 'fight.'

    The idea that it takes a long time to accomplish something if 'awakening' only occurs one person at a time is a depression-inducing perspective. In reality, awakening is a great miracle, anytime and every time it happens. The possibility of awakening and consciousness-raising is one of the most optimistic things I know of in the world. Think of how depressing and dangerous the world would be without it.

    The awakening Jodie experienced is a miracle for her, and it will change everything, even if the change isn't always 'fast.' People who encounter her will be 'touched' by the power within her. People in other cultures will appreciate the open-mindedness and the empathy. They will understand: Here, I am accepted and appreciated. And her example can plant many seeds in those who are not yet quite so far along. Jodie has touched ME with this awakening, as have you, through this interesting and thoughtful diary.

    Please congratulate her for this awakening. The world has taken a step forward. That is only positive, nothing bad about that at all! And please let her know that in many respects, life can be an endless series of little awakenings. It is much easier to be tolerant of those 'not yet awakened,' as we are tolerant of those in other cultures, if we know awakening is a seriously possible future evolution for them. For really, the fearful are but another culture unto themselves. For now.

    by BeninSC on Sun Jun 10, 2007 at 05:37:14 AM PDT

    •  Thank you

      She read my post, and your comment :)

      by twigg on Sun Jun 10, 2007 at 08:00:52 PM PDT

  •  Good perspective

    My response would be to point out that my view of the party was that, despite some unfamiliarity, I was seeing a perfectly ordinary family event, the like of which happens daily from Boston to Baghdad.

    Jodie saw it the same way, but was minded of the very different perspective of many people around here.

    Maybe fighting was the wrong word .... but confronting, absolutely. We may indeed begin, or continue to educate the ignorant .... but we simply must confront the bigots. Wherever they appear, and however many family fights might ensue.

    by twigg on Sun Jun 10, 2007 at 07:59:55 PM PDT

•  Everyone who awakens

  does it one at a time.  One more person to put a shoulder to the mass of inertia that is equality.  Everyone plays a part.  I'm sure you've seen dance floors where no one is out there.  Once the first couple goes out, it makes it easier for the others, and one at a time they add themselves to the mix.  Soon the place is a madhouse.

  I welcome her to the madhouse of the fight for equality of all people.

  by Grannus on Sun Jun 10, 2007 at 02:29:41 AM PDT

•  Late teens, early 80s

  I found myself going out on the town in Boston with a big circle of friends from a very international college. I got along with everyone, and so it was a little while into the evening before I realized that the reason people all around the room were pointing me out wasn't because I was new there, it was that I was the only white girl in the room. Coming from tiny-town New Hampsha, that sort of thing had never "occurred" to me before... Had a wonderful time, even got asked for my phone #, although it didn't work out because I didn't speak his language.

  by peaceloveandkucinich on Sun Jun 10, 2007 at 04:07:51 AM PDT