Warning! Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! This is long. So Bob Johnson, you can skip the green boxes to make it closer to your word limit!
Well, you may be asking:
- Don't we have enough of these?
- Are not repeat diaries one of your pet peeves?
- Why in the hell are you doing this to us?
- Haven't we suffered enough?
Fair questions all, and I'll answer them below.
- This diary is ONLY about the theory put forth by our very own Darwin. I know, I know others were working on this very question and were close to writing about it, but damn it Darwin published first. The complete "The Origin of Species by means of Natural Selection; or, the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life," by Charles Darwin, M.A., F.R.S., can be found at the wonderful site Project Gutenberg for those of you so inclined to read it yourself.
- Yes, I do have a pet peeve, but most of the "evolution vs. creationism" diaries posted here vehemently reject the teaching of Creationism or ID in our schools, not what evolution is. I see this as an extension of the other fine diaries. I provide a list of all these diaries since November at the end of Part II. The exception to this is the wonderful diaries by DarkSyde. I started this diary before they began to post and now I am quite embarrassed by this snark filled amateur piece. Oh well.
- I want this diary to be about the Theory itself. No comparisons, no philosophizing about our school system, but only discussing Evolution. After this we will all be on the same page and have better discussions about why ID should not be part of a science curriculum.
- "Life is pain; anyone who tells you different is selling something." -- Wesley (Can you tell what movie I watched with my daughter recently?)
NOTE: This diary got a little long so I divided it into 2 parts. Part I is definitions and Part II will deal with the rest.
I have noticed that most individuals arguing for allowing ID to be taught in science classrooms (and recently stating evolution should not be taught in a science classroom) are not using definitions correctly as they apply to Evolution, and do not really have a concept about what Darwin meant. So I wanted to write this series. I also wanted to use a lot of ellipses as you will notice throughout.
First thing to cover - Darwin . . . WAS . . . NOT . . . AN . . . ATHEIST. He was very torn about publishing his works. He knew releasing his findings would be like smacking a proverbial hornets nest . . . with a stick . . . while strapped naked to a bright red picnic table, covered with Coca-Cola, honey and an attractive pheromone . . . holding a sign written in a secret hornet's language proclaiming "It was me you insect scum!" So, he knew it would be controversial. He considered himself a Christian. He just noticed that things worked a little different than he had been told. But, he believed in a God and his theory says nothing about whether there is a God or not. Nothing.
So, the last time I will mention Creationism, ID, Intelligent Design or God was . . . three words ago.
Onward to:
The Definitions
I want to deal with a serious issue with a little humor. I want to have fun, but in the end, have everyone realize what an amazing change in Biology this little theory was.
First we need to deal with some definitions. There will be a Pop Quiz at the end so pay attention.
(All definitions from Dictionary.com)
1) the·o·ry n. pl. the·o·ries
- A set of statements or principles devised to explain a group of facts or phenomena, especially one that has been repeatedly tested or is widely accepted and can be used to make predictions about natural phenomena.
- The branch of a science or art consisting of its explanatory statements, accepted principles, and methods of analysis, as opposed to practice: a fine musician who had never studied theory.
- A set of theorems that constitute a systematic view of a branch of mathematics.
- Abstract reasoning; speculation: a decision based on experience rather than theory.
- A belief or principle that guides action or assists comprehension or judgment: staked out the house on the theory that criminals usually return to the scene of the crime.
- An assumption based on limited information or knowledge; a conjecture.
Only definitions 1 and 2 are to be used when discussing science. If you are using 3, 4, 5, or 6 just stop it. Especially number 6.
If you ever said, "I have a theory about [insert made up explanation here]" ask yourself if you performed experiments, published your results, had peers try your experiments and they obtained the same results as you, then they published their results until no one was able to falsify your "idea." If you said, "I've never done that, I just make shit up off the top of my head that sounds good." - Then, my friend, you have never had a theory.
What you mean to say in scientific jargon is:
2) hy·poth·e·sis
n. pl. hy·poth·e·ses
- A tentative explanation for an observation, phenomenon, or scientific problem that can be tested by further investigation.
- Something taken to be true for the purpose of argument or investigation; an assumption.
- The antecedent of a conditional statement.
The correct definition to use here is #1. Although any hypothesis that goes anywhere is an educated guess.
That covers science in general. Now for the definitions used in Evolution.
3) ev·o·lu·tion n.
- A gradual process in which something changes into a different and usually more complex or better form. See Synonyms at development.
- The process of developing.
- Gradual development.
- Biology.
- Change in the genetic composition of a population during successive generations, as a result of natural selection acting on the genetic variation among individuals, and resulting in the development of new species.
- The historical development of a related group of organisms; phylogeny.
- A movement that is part of a set of ordered movements.
- 5. Mathematics. The extraction of a root of a quantity.
Contrary to popular belief, definition 1 does not necessarily apply to Darwinian evolution. This is not a process that necessarily develops more complex organisms. Every creature you can pick up on a beach, every bird, fish, bacteria and monkey alive right now has equally "evolved." If moving toward simplicity is good for a species, so be it.
One confusing issue for some people is they think they are descended from Apes. BUUZZZZZZ! Wrong answer, thank you for playing. What it does say is that all species shared a common ancestor. The ape species alive today are NOT "evolving" into humans. That split already happened. They may evolve into something smarter than we are in the distant future. But really that's not too much of a stretch to imagine is it?
Evolution is only about life developing a diversity that allows it to thrive. Each different species finds a niche to give it an advantage.
4) niche n.
- A recess in a wall, as for holding a statue or urn.
- A cranny, hollow, or crevice, as in rock.
- A situation or activity specially suited to a person's interests, abilities, or nature: found her niche in life.
- A special area of demand for a product or service: "One niche that is approaching mass-market proportions is held by regional magazines" (Brad Edmondson).
- Ecology.
- The function or position of an organism or population within an ecological community.
- The particular area within a habitat occupied by an organism.
This is your little specialty. When there are only so many resources around it is to your advantage to find food sources no other species can get to. If you have a beak that allows you to drink nectar from flowers no other bird, bat or monkey can reach, you have found your niche.
Specializing allows many species to live in an area and not compete for resources. It can backfire on you though. There could be a drastic change to your food source or environment. For example: a carbon based, ape-descended life form that thinks digital watches are a pretty neat idea could over harvest the plants you eat or the tree you nest in. If you can not "adapt" to another food source or nesting ground, you are screwed.
5) hab·i·tat n.
- The area or environment where an organism or ecological community normally lives or occurs: a marine habitat.
- The place where a person or thing is most likely to be found.
- A structure that affords a controlled environment for living in extremely inhospitable locations, such as an underwater research laboratory.
In a nutshell - where you live. If you don't have gills, don't live under water, if you are not a thermophilic bacteria, don't live in water that is close to boiling. Pretty simple this one, I hope.
6) en·vi·ron·ment n.
- The circumstances or conditions that surround one; surroundings.
- The totality of circumstances surrounding an organism or group of organisms, especially:
- The combination of external physical conditions that affect and influence the growth, development, and survival of organisms: "We shall never understand the natural environment until we see it as a living organism" (Paul Brooks).
- The complex of social and cultural conditions affecting the nature of an individual or community.
- Computer Science.
- The entire set of conditions under which one operates a computer, as it relates to the hardware, operating platform, or operating system.
- An area of a computer's memory used by the operating system and some programs to store certain variables to which they need frequent access.
This is a big picture item. It includes your habitat and that of species around you.
7) spe·cies n. pl. species
- Biology.
- A fundamental category of taxonomic classification, ranking below a genus or subgenus and consisting of related organisms capable of interbreeding. See table at taxonomy.
- An organism belonging to such a category, represented in binomial nomenclature by an uncapitalized Latin adjective or noun following a capitalized genus name, as in Ananas comosus, the pineapple, and Equus caballus, the horse.
- Logic. A class of individuals or objects grouped by virtue of their common attributes and assigned a common name; a division subordinate to a genus.
- A kind, variety, or type: "No species of performing artist is as self-critical as a dancer" (Susan Sontag).
- The human race; humankind.
- Roman Catholic Church.
- The outward appearance or form of the Eucharistic elements that is retained after their consecration.
- Either of the consecrated elements of the Eucharist.
- Obsolete.
- An outward form or appearance.
- Specie.
The more we know about this the less we are confident what a species is. Generally though it is a population of organisms that resemble each other and produce fertile offspring. The fertile part is important. Breed horses and donkeys you get mules. Mules are sterile. So horses and donkeys are separate species. (Closely related, but separate). On the other hand, wolves and all breeds of dogs can interbreed and produce fertile offspring. So that annoying Taco Bell Chiuaua is very closely related to Canis lupus.
8) natural selection n.
The process in nature by which, according to Darwin's theory of evolution, only the organisms best adapted to their environment tend to survive and transmit their genetic characteristics in increasing numbers to succeeding generations while those less adapted tend to be eliminated.
Again - eliminated does not necessarily mean killed. It means you do not pass on your genetic material.
Eventually you die because it is the only other guarantee besides taxes. This is not a random process however.
Different species have different methods of choosing a mate, but there is a method. May be you have a longer tail than others around you and a long tail is considered sexy. Perhaps your skull is a little thicker, and you do not get a concussion when a competing male runs full speed at you and bashes his skull into yours (how the fuck this method developed is beyond me).
Or you can use the "George Bush" method of deciding who is better. This is where you and other males walk around holding your penis in your hand and bob it up and down the direction of the competition saying, "I drive an HUMMER and I have more bombs than you do." You check out your length compared to other world leaders. If theirs is perceived as bigger, you pout and then dress up in a military costume. If you still feel theirs is bigger, you bomb the shit out of them and proclaim, "Mission Accomplished!". This method is silly and only causes fights in bars.
9) fit v. fit·ted, or fit fit·ted, fit·ting, fits
- To be the proper size and shape for: These shoes fit me.
- To cause to be the proper size and shape: The tailor fitted the trousers by shortening them.
- To measure for proper size: She fitted me for a new jacket.
- To be appropriate to; suit: music that fits your mood.
- To be in conformity or agreement with: observations that fit the theory nicely.
- To make suitable; adapt: fitted the shelves for large books. See Synonyms at adapt.
- To make ready; prepare: Specialized training fitted her for the job.
- To equip; outfit: fit out a ship.
- To provide a place or time for: You can't fit any more toys in the box. The doctor can fit you in today.
- To insert or adjust so as to be properly in place: fit a handle on a door.
v. intr.
- To be the proper size and shape.
- To be suited; belong: doesn't fit in with these people.
- To be in harmony; agree: His good mood fit in with the joyful occasion.
adj. fit·ter, fit·test
- Suited, adapted, or acceptable for a given circumstance or purpose: not a fit time for flippancy.
- Appropriate; proper: Do as you see fit.
- Physically sound; healthy: keeps fit with diet and exercise.
- Biology. Successfully adapted to survive and produce viable offspring in a particular environment.
n.
- The state, quality, or way of being fitted: the proper fit of means to ends.
- The manner in which clothing fits: a jacket with a tight fit.
- The degree of precision with which surfaces are adjusted or adapted to each other in a machine or collection of parts.
Wow, what a long definition. Now, if you are using any part of this definition that is not in bold you are not talking about Evolution, period, end of discussion.
Let's do a little test to see if you qualify to be called fit.
- Are you breathing?
- Do you have a pulse?
- Are you currently receiving CPR from a medic?
Did you answer "yes" to both 1 and 2 but "no" to 3? Woo Hoo - so far you are "fit."
Next part:
Holler out real loud the following phrase - "Hey Kids, come here and see this!"
Did anyone show up? If you said "yes" congratulations you are fit. Now you can show them the pictures of George Bush next to the Chimpanzees. See if they can tell you which ones are the chimps (Hint: the more intelligent looking animals).
click here for larger image
For those of you that said "no" . . . do you get a phone call from someone on a regular basis asking for money for college, rent or food? If "yes" then you also qualify as "fit" under Darwin's definition.
For the rest of you, you could still be part of the "fitness" game if you have a child in the future. If you are never planning on having children or are unable to because you decide not to, are infertile, or in a monogamous homosexual relationship, I am sure you are an outstanding person and loved by all around you, especially me. But, I'm sorry, you are not playing Darwin's little game. That is O.K. You are not required to play to be a good person.
Darwin was only talking about surviving and having progeny. He was not talking about politics, economics, or how much better or worse things are now, or how blond-haired blue-eyed people wearing tiny mustaches were of the superior race. Darwin discussed only a mechanism of Biological function. If anyone tells you different, they are full of crap and should probably be considered armed and dangerous, so you should back away . . . reaaal sloooow.
Another important thing to notice is that you do not have to fight anything to be fit. If you survive an encounter with a bear by out-running it, or by crawling into a hole and soiling yourself, you are still fit - if you survive and have progeny.
Last definition:
10) a·dapt v. a·dapt·ed, a·dapt·ing, a·dapts
v. tr.
To make suitable to or fit for a specific use or situation.
v. intr.
To become adapted: a species that has adapted well to winter climes.
This one is a little more difficult to apply to Evolution. When you enter a new environment, or the one you are currently in changes, adapting to it means you alter your behavior to survive.
Here are some questions to see if you are able to "adapt":
- If you were hungry at any time today, did you eat?
- Did you have some kind of fluid if you felt thirsty?
- Again, are you breathing?
- For those of you experiencing water in its solid form in your outdoor environment - Did you put on a coat before you went outside? For our Australian readers experiencing warmer climes - Did you go into some shade at any time, turn on a fan or an air-conditioner to avoid heat stroke?
- If you accidentally turned on the television and saw Ann Coulter, did you shut it off before you had a cerebral hemorrhage?
If you answered "yes" to 1-4 you have successfully adapted today. If you said "no" to 5 you are either in a coma or a masochist and there is nothing I can do to help you.
Now - have you ever walked by a sign that said and thought to yourself, "I wonder how that would taste?" If you only wondered - you are a scientist, but probably still adapting to your environment. If you ever decide to actually try this little experiment, you will no longer be considered to be fit or adapting the instant your tongue makes contact.
If you find you can still communicate with the living though, please let me know how it tasted, because, you know . . . I'm a scientist.
You have now reached the end of Part I. Part II will discuss how this all applies to evolution and hopefully what makes it a science.
Below, please round out the definitions or add the important ones I missed. The Pop Quiz is found in the Poll.
Blogs where this is a topic of discussion
Websites