There's no need to fear, None of the Above is here! (w/poll)

AP Poll: 'None of the above' leads Republican field

2007-07-17 18:03:26

WASHINGTON (AP) - And the leading Republican U.S. presidential candidate is ... none of the above.

The headline says it all, folks. 23 percent of Republicans in the latest AP/IPSOS Poll prefer NONE OF THE ABOVE over all the declared candidates of the GOP. Rudy 'Judy' Giuliani, Fred 'TV' Thompson, John 'Capt. Queeg' McCain, Mitt 'Headroom' Romney, they all take a back seat to...NONE OF THE ABOVE! A candidate we can all embrace, no matter how unlike minded we are on the issues. None of the Above has no issues, and takes issue with none, always in agreement in the midst of disagreement. None of the Above promises nothing to nobody...and delivers.

Less is more below the fold...

None of the Above's past can't be mined for scandal and embarassing flip-flops, because None of the Above has no past and doesn't wear thongs. Give it up, swift boaters--Trying to pin something on None of the Above is like playing pin the tail on the donkey, with no ass. None of the Above represents the faceless and silent majority of Republicans who would just rather not think about the past six and a half years. As a matter of fact, None of the Above has no face and no comment, and therefore requires no expensive make-up artist, hairdresser, or speechwriters. None of the Above has no need for expensive consultants, requires no bales of money for pol-ops and dirty tricks, doesn't have to hang even one chad; all that None of the Above needs is for you the distressed and dissatisfied  Republican voter to write in None of the Above on every ballot you cast.

Listen to the dog whistles, the creatures of the right, ah, what music they make... Tired of barking every time a tighty righty purses his lips and blows? Whistle for None of the Above and you will ride with the wind. The whistle stops here, that's None of the Above's motto. None of the Above needs no bus or private jet on loan from your friendly corporate overlord; None of the Above is everywhere and nowhere...wherever you go in these United States, None of the Above is already there.

Just think how much safer the world would be if None of the Above were president.

DROP BY OUR NEWLY INAUGURATED BLOG--NONE OF THE ABOVE FOR PRESIDENT

We invite all comers to contribute their very best snark in word, deed, and/or art to our ongoing campaign.

•  Couldn't be worse

  than what we've got.

  by HariSeldon on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 08:41:22 PM PDT

  •  What we have now is

    nothing .
    None of the above beats the dodo out of nothing .

    by indycam on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 08:48:45 PM PDT

    •  None of the Above's very next post

      will be "Is Nothing Sacred?"

      by The Reverend and Doctor Omed on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 09:09:37 PM PDT

      •  Nothing

        is sacreligious .

        by indycam on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 09:27:40 PM PDT

        •  Upon Nothing

          by John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester

          Nothing, thou elder brother even to shade,
          That hadst a being ere the world was made,
          And (well fixed) art alone of ending not afraid.
          Ere time and place were, time and place were not,
          When primitive Nothing Something straight begot,
          Then all proceeded from the great united—What?
          Something, the general attribute of all,
          Severed from thee, its sole original,
          Into thy boundless self must undistinguished fall.
          Yet Something did thy mighty power command,
          And from thy fruitful emptiness's hand,
          Snatched men, beasts, birds, fire, air, and land.
          Matter, the wickedest offspring of thy race,
          By Form assisted, flew from thy embrace,
          And rebel Light obscured thy reverend dusky face.
          With Form and Matter, Time and Place did join,
          Body, thy foe, with these did leagues combine
          To spoil thy peaceful realm, and ruin all thy line.
          But turncoat Time assists the foe in vain,
          And, bribed by thee, assists thy short-lived reign,
          And to thy hungry womb drives back thy slaves again.
          Though mysteries are barred from laic eyes,
          And the Divine alone with warrant pries
          Into thy bosom, where thy truth in private lies,
          Yet this of thee the wise may freely say,
          Thou from the virtuous nothing takest away,
          And to be part of thee the wicked wisely pray.
          Great Negative, how vainly would the wise
          Inquire, define, distinguish, teach, devise?
          Didst thou not stand to point their dull philosophies.
          Is, or is not, the two great ends of Fate,
          And true or false, the subject of debate,
          That perfects, or destroys, the vast designs of Fate,
          When they have racked the politician's breast,
          Within thy bosom most securely rest,
          And, when reduced to thee, are least unsafe and best.
          But Nothing, why does Something still permit
          That sacred monarchs should at council sit
          With persons highly thought at best for nothing fit?
          Whist weighty Something modestly abstains
          From princes' coffers, and from statesmen's brains,
          And Nothing there like stately Nothing reigns,
          Nothing, who dwellest with fools in grave disguise,
          For whom they reverend shapes and forms devise,
          Lawn sleeves, and furs, and gowns, when they like thee look wise.
          French truth, Dutch prowess, British policy,
          Hibernian learning, Scotch civility,
          Spaniard's dispatch, Dane's wit are mainly seen in thee.
          The great man's gratitude to his best friend,
          King's promises, whore's vows, towards thee they bend,
          Flow swiftly to thee, and in thee never end.

          by The Reverend and Doctor Omed on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 09:35:57 PM PDT

  •  It'll be worse, when Newt declares. nt

    by Nab on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 08:56:15 PM PDT

    •  Now you're scaring me...n/t

      by The Reverend and Doctor Omed on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 09:08:03 PM PDT

  •  Much, Much, Much, Much Worse:

    What we've got --But now with extra competence!

    (Leaving aside the question of what a Hitler or Stalin would do given the tools and environment of 2008 America. I'm making a fairly arbitrary assumption that we're not in line for that sort of character.)

    Most people seem to agree they could have managed the occupation far better in the first year. Having done that, it's doubtful there could ever have been the weaponry available to support civil war on the scale we see.

    And we'd have certainly been into Syria and Iran by now, as the Neocon plans called for.

    Remember that presuming the Court and the Constitution are not already lost thanks to our drypowder misunderestimating of Kennedy, a 2008 Republican president will seat another theofascist and the American experiment ends right there.

    And also there's one somewhat tangential governing practice that everyone else of their ilk has done which they've reversed, to the obvious detriment of their cause. I've commented about this before, I'll never mention or even hint at what it is. No mainstream voice has done it in public so since I'm not the smartest kid in the class I'm guessing everyone who thinks of it immediately realizes they mustn't mention it either.

    If they'd being doing that, they'd probably have won reelection honestly in 2004 and we wouldn't be able to be here by now.

    The next guy will do it and there would be utterly no way in hell a peoples' movement could ever get the place back.

    by Gooserock on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 10:11:49 PM PDT

•  None of the above

  is my guy .
  I love None of the above !
  I've looked at all the republican candidates , and None of the above is qualified .

  by indycam on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 08:46:53 PM PDT

•  I think None of the Above is favored

  Republicans aren't a little-d democratic organization: they're a oligarchic cabal leading a herd of authoritarian followers.  As such, Republican nominees aren't elected, they're appointed and ratified by the sheep.  When's the last time that didn't happen?  Goldwater?

  I think the Republican Politburo has been floating trial balloons named McCain, Giuliani, Romney (maybe) and Thompson.  Each seems to deflate almost as soon as it's hoist up.  At this point I'd expect the stern-faced men behind the curtain have two or three other balloons hidden away, ready to spring on the party -- sort of like they did with Thompson.  They're probably getting nervous hoping the find one that'll at least make it to the finish line.  

  May not make much difference anyway.  They clearly plan to make the campaign All About Hillary.

  by Dallasdoc on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 09:22:25 PM PDT

  •  I Think Reagan Had to Force His Way In

    So maybe that counts.

    by Gooserock on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 09:56:28 PM PDT

    •  He faled as the insurrectionist, lost to Ford

      Next time round he was the Anointed One.  Kind of like McCain hoped to be before he made every wrong move known to man.

      by Dallasdoc on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 09:58:21 PM PDT

•  Tommy files name change.

  by ben masel on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 09:47:18 PM PDT

  •  Or sex change.

    Oops, that was Rudy.

    Not that there's anything wrong with that.

    by doinaheckuvanutjob on Wed Jul 18, 2007 at 12:11:01 AM PDT

•  Rudy's nickname

  should not be "Judy" it should be "Rude crude Rudy"

  by plf515 on Wed Jul 18, 2007 at 02:24:02 AM PDT